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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

8 week old and childcare - your thoughts please

41 replies

SevernTrentWater · 27/08/2009 15:43

what do you think about putting an 8 week old in full time childcare, this is a really emotionally tough decision for me. Has anyone done this, negative and positives etc, why you would/wouldn't. IIf i don't i have to graduate a year later and all the while accruing interest on my loan, but even with time off baby will be going to childcare at 8 weeks, 6 months or 9 months. i'm worried about baby being left to cry and causing stress damage to the brain as she is clingy already, but won't the seperation be worse if i leave it until later i wonder.

OP posts:

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AvadaKedavra · 27/08/2009 18:11

The baby will be absolutely ok going into childcare at 8weeks, it's you who I worry about, you cannot get that time back

lou031205 · 27/08/2009 18:13

I would wait. She is tiny, and needs her Mummy.

scottishmummy · 27/08/2009 18:20

baby has a mummy.she isn't abandoning her baby in the forest to go on a hedonistic trip... she is considering regulated childcare that has to adhere to minimum standards

it depends on lots of factors,we don't know

progression on course
impact of time out
op personal preferences
cost/availability of nursery, have you found a baby room place STW

MIAonline · 27/08/2009 18:21

Op, you don't say whether you can afford to pay the interest on your loan or what situation you are in.

If you can avoid having a 8 week old in full time nursery, then do, if you can't then any advice is not necessary. You do what you have to do.

If you do need childcare, I would recommend a childminder for such a young baby.

london0hull4 · 27/08/2009 18:22

Severn,
I would support whatever decision you feel is best for you and your family. I almost found myself in a similar situation - luckily my company's maternity leave policy changed for the better whilst I was pregnant.

One thing you should think about though is whether you, yourself will be physically and emotionally ready to go back to university.
Even if you find the best childcare out there, you are still going to have to do the night shift and be a mum at all the times when your baby isn't in nursery.

In an ideal world, I would say stay at home for 6 months if you can. Your baby will still settle easily at nursery at that age and you won't be too far behind in your studies.

I'd also say, that if you're anything like me and slightly bemused by the whole "being a mum" experience, the first few months will give you plenty of confidence. Even at 7 months when my DS went to nursery, I had to overcome the worry that someone else knew my son better than me.

Good luck x

Original poster

SevernTrentWater · 27/08/2009 21:25

i'm weighing up spending the first months with her or finishing the course (1 year) and then working part-time until she goes to school. I get my childcare fees covered while i'm studying thankfully, 85% of them anyway. It would be 4 days a week full time (8 until 5). I wish i had family, i think that would make the dilemma a bit less painful, but then, it still won't be me with her! But finishing this course means so much to me because it was very hard getting to this point and i'm almost terrified if i take time out i won't finish, maybe something in the qualifications sytem will change or something else unforseen...well, who knows. But as i said, i love little one even though she wasn't planned and my instincts just tell me not to leave her, don't exactly trust the childcare to give her the attention i can, and also i want an excellent relationship with her. I can take the time off...it's just a matter of whether i should, and whether i should do it before or after.

OP posts:

VeeEsss · 27/08/2009 21:29

Having worked as a nursery nurse in a baby room I would suggest that at 8 weeks it is too young for a nursery environment.

I would suggest either A)a nanny/childminder (some are FABULOUS, I'd marry mine if I could ) or B) waiting until 6 months. IME anywhere between 6-18 months the child finds it harder to adjust, whereas at around 4-6 months they settle easily.

ThingOne · 27/08/2009 21:31

I would trust your instincts on this then, STW. I think if you have a choice, 8 weeks is too young for so much time in a nursery. Yes, there will be separation anxiety at 1 year but it doesn't last.

I can understand you fear about never going back to your course but you can and you will. I have a couple of friends who have done this.

I think you could find it very hard indeed to leave such a small baby for so long.

Horton · 27/08/2009 21:39

Personally I think 8 weeks is far too young to be in full time childcare in any setting at all, whether family, nursery or childminder. I agree with what BunnyL wrote, every word. I am a bit shocked at anyone describing an eight week old baby as clingy, to be completely honest with you. She's not being clingy, she just really really needs you. She's a baby. She has no other ways of behaving. After a year of being with you, yes, separation anxiety may well kick in and you will have to deal with that but you will have laid down a strong foundation both for your future relationship with her and for her future relationships with other people. I think it's really important for you to be with her when she's still so little. And I honestly think you would regret it later if you did leave her for such long periods at such a young age.

BunnyLebowski · 27/08/2009 21:48

Absolutely Horton. Your instincts are obviously telling you something similar Severn.....Trust them.

I know it's not easy. I had a similar decision to make a few months ago and ultimately gave up my full time job to stay at home with dd until she's at least 2 when I'm planning to go back to uni.

I've found a part time job that fits around DP's job so dd is always with one of us.

Yes it's hard financially and DP and I see each other much less but I am so SO glad I'm at home with dd during the day.

We have so much fun and such a strong bond and already (she's 10 months) we have created hundreds of squidgy chubby baby memories that I will treasure when she gets older. These would have been so much fewer had I gone back to work.

Do what is right for you and your little girl. Enjoy her and surround her with your love and attention. It's her mummy she wants and needs not a childminder or nursery worker.

scottishmummy · 27/08/2009 22:09

finish your course,prioritise your education.something that benefits you and baby long term. keep the momentum going

you and your baby have many years ahead, and some time to complete studies and progress wont impair that

you don't have to be a perfect mum,just good enough.being a mum isn't a giving things up competition.

you can do both, if you want
career and baby

but most importantly what matters,is be happy in your choices

Horton · 27/08/2009 22:30

Of course you can do both. But I don't believe it will be bad for either the course or the baby if Severn takes a bit of time to build her relationship with her baby. On the other hand, I do believe it will be bad for Severn's DD if she is put into full time childcare at an age where she should be cared for primarily by one or two people who really love her. Taking a year out won't stop Severn finishing her degree.

VeeEsss · 27/08/2009 23:09

Where are you? Chances are you could find the right care on here....I know some fab nannies that use MN.

scottishmummy · 27/08/2009 23:21

pivotal here is what tsw thinks.not what any of us think of the respective merits of nursery

my emphasis would be do what you want.just be aware you ask about babies and nursery and it is contentious.

when do you have to decide by?
can partner can he help?
good luck making your decision and congratulations on wee girl

mummytowillow · 28/08/2009 22:15

Agree with bunny and hana sorry? You can't get this time with your lovely baby back, so stay with them as long as you can.

My daughter was with a childminder from 1 year and is about to start nursery on Tuesday and she is now two, I chose a CM because IMO the get more one to one care, however I've chosen nursery now because she can talk and tell me things and needs the interaction.

wheresmypaddle · 28/08/2009 22:42

IMO I wouldn't send her at 8 weeks unless you have to - six or nine months would be more ideal. You sound like a focused person and so you will return to your studies and not let it slide.

Personally I found the first few months of motherhood quite bewildering, difficult and tiring. But as time went on DS and I gradually got to know each other, our bond deepened and I have so many special memories that will stay with me forever.

I can see that ultimately you are doing your very best to provide a secure future for DD but it sounds feasable to put it on hold for a short while. You can't go back in time and recreate those early memories- only in hindsight did I realise how short that real baby phase is and how quickly they grow up.

Also, will you have the reserves to give your studies your best effort? Sleepness nights, adjustment to being a new mum etc can play havoc on your brain.

Good luck with whatever choice you make....

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