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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Feeling so guilty...baby at nursery 5 full days a week

85 replies

London7 · 21/05/2009 22:03

Hi, my one-year-old baby goes to nursery 5 days a week from 8am to 6pm. I'd love to be a stay-at-home mum but financially it is just not viable. I feel so guilty about leaving her at nursery for so many hours a day (it feels so wrong that somebody else will be doing all those things her Mummy does every day for her...) Anyone with the same dilemma?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

foxinsocks · 23/05/2009 15:59

are you new willow ? I seem to agree with everything you say

ssd, for us and several other people we know, both dh and I work full time because neither of us can be sure enough that our jobs are going to be there in a year's time. Dh's job is far more fragile than mine and I daren't scale down my hours in case at some point, he gets made redundant and we desperately need the money (as we earn similar).

It's not always because of the lifestyle if you see what I mean .

blueshoes · 23/05/2009 18:13

To pick up on a point VictorianSqualor raised earlier, IME children who attend ft nursery have a better chance of settling than those who attend part time. And I know lots of ft children, my dcs as well as their mates.

Both my dcs started at about 1 year old. Dd started pt, building up to ft at 17 months. Ds went in ft straight away because I was quite reassured about ft attendance from experience with dd.

There is a certain status from being a 'lifer'. Far from bothering my dcs, everyone knows them and they are immensely popular amongst children and carers, frequently recognised out and about in the community.

OP, I hope you are alright. Unless your baby is not settling, I don't think the long hours per se is anything other than an artificial construct in the minds of parents who don't feel comfortable with nursery to begin with (includes some nursery workers ).

For parents who use ft childcare to good effect, it is not an issue.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 23/05/2009 23:42

Great post, blueshoes.

VictorianSqualor · 24/05/2009 01:01

Can I just add, many of the parents that put their children into our care full-time were put into nursery too, and they have no issues, they are happy, secure adults with loving relationships with their parents which is why they are so secure in their choice.

If the OP ever comes back (which I'd like to think she would, even just to read if not to answer) I'd like to ask if she was at home with Mum when she was a child and that is possibly causing part of the guilt??

hf128219 · 24/05/2009 07:12

This discussion could go on and on. Let me mention the forbidden phrase again: 'Happy baby, happy mummy'

or suggest a polish nanny?

willowthewispa · 25/05/2009 21:51

foxinsocks - I've been around for a few months!

hophophippidtyhop · 02/06/2009 10:33

op - have you looked at some calculations on wages if you drop a couple of days? I only ask/ suggest it might be worth going through some figures because personally with my job I work two days a week, and found that if I was working full time, by the time I took the extra childcare and the tax into account, I come home with the same money for 2 days as if I was working five. try this tax calculatorAlso childcare vouchers will reduce the tax you pay too. Sorry if you have already tried this.

Lolasmummy1 · 14/03/2014 08:58

I am in the same situation. I have had to back to work ft after maternity leave and have been refused pt hours. My daughter is in nursery from 7:30-5pm 5 days. I feel so guilty that I'm not doing everything for her, missing helping to develop her. I am missing all this precious time and feel horrible about it. I know that she's fine, but I'm not.

betty10k · 01/04/2014 15:00

Hi Lolasmummy1 - my ds (20months) is at nursery 4 days a week 8am - 6pm and has been since he was a year old. Grandma had him 1 day a week but he will soon be going 5 days a week 8am - 6pm. They are long days but we have no choice, no family who can help regularly and we have to work to pay the bills.

My ds loves nursery - it was difficult in the beginning and i felt very guilty because he refused to eat and drink (very hot August last yr) - he was just being stubborn and would smirk when he pushed his beaker away. He quickly got over it and now he runs in doesn't say goodbye, he's straight off to the toys. Really likes his key worker but loves mummy and daddy more - i think we all worry they will replace us but they don't.

If i dwell on it i feel like you do but i can't afford to - Monday's are always a bit hard as we've had lots of time together over the weekend but it's only hard for me not for him. You will be okay. How long have you been back at work? Do you like your job?

Tanith · 02/04/2014 07:51

I have a full time toddler with me (I'm a childminder) and she's been here since she was a baby. I know her mum was absolutely gutted at having to go back full time. I, too, feel very guilty that I look after her lovely little girl when I know she'd prefer to be at home with her.

Meanwhile, the child has no such worries :)
She has a great time with me and has bonded strongly, but I will never, ever be "Mummy". The appearance of Mummy or Daddy at the end of the day is always the same - she completely forgets about me and is delighted to see them.

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