Chronic Overthinking… Full Time Nursery

[Poppet05]

Hi All,
I thought I might turn to MN to maybe get some thoughts from people on here.
Ive got a 3 month old, and i’m incredibly grateful to my partner in that I am able to have a year off on Maternity leave to spend with my little girl. As it stands, we have been able to get her a spot at what appears to be an amazing nursery in our area and she will be approx 14 months old when she starts.

I feel Social Media maybe has possibly got into my head a little as I have no choice right now but to send her to nursery 5 days a week. My job won’t allow me to go part time sadly and I do really enjoy working there with the flexibility they allow for children and just in general. Like most I guess I turned to social media to try to find mums in the same position to hopefully feel I’m not alone or a terrible mum.…but I’m coming across more mums who are part time or have family help (we don’t have this).

Am I doing the right thing?

Many hundreds of thousands of children go to nursery full time. It is what it is.

Will your work really not allow 3 or 4 days? Can you apply for it nearer the time.
I wouldn’t put my kids in a nursery full time. I’d rather change work place. If I had zero choice then I’d use a childminder

That’s not at all helpful. Lots of children go to Nursery fulltime & lots of adults work fulltime. It worked for me & DC thrived.

There is an obvious contradiction in your post. You say your job won't allow you to go part time but in the next paragraph you sa you like the flexibility they allow for children? How can both things be true?. Also bear in mind all nurseries will expect you to keep your child at home if she is ill, will your work allow that? Nursery may not be a good fit if you really have no family to help you out.

But did you have back up cover for when your child was ill? Today nurseries seem a lot keener to phone parents and expect them to pick up a sick child. Employers will allow emergency child care by law but not necessarily on going care on future days.

This is massively unhelpful. As if 4 days a week instead of 5 would make a huge difference and as someone who had a childminder as a young child, I was very bored with the limited number of activities and children to play with!

You would not have realised or appreciated it ,but child minders are generally more flexible about timings of puck up or drop of, giving medication. My brother used a nursery until it became clear they were understaffed and therefore seemed to find at least a couple of 'unwell' children each day to send home do they could have legal ratio of children to staff. Also in my area a number of nurseries have closed at short notice leaving families in the lurch. The OP says her child is now 3 months old abd she intends to send her from 14 months. A lot can happen in 11 months.

I do really enjoy working there with the flexibility they allow for children and just in general.

What flexibility? You've said they won't let you go part time so you are forced to put your child into full time nursery which you say you don't want to do?

Well there was me & DH. No one else near. You have to make it work.

Good for you. Having worked in the industry it’s not something I’d want for mine. And nothing wrong with childminders.

Actually lots of mum relish having a day off with their child. It makes a difference. Nurseries don’t have revolving children each day.

Loads of mums work full time in my sector (civil service)- depends what circles you move in.

If you don’t want to, you have lots of time to find a new job.

I work in a nursery. My 13 month goes 5 days a week, around 7.45am till 5.45pm. She started when she was nearly 9 months, originally doing 2 days a week, then 3. Went up to 5 when she turned 12 months. She's thriving. She's happy, confident and settled.
Just be aware, you most likely will have to take some days off as your baby will pick up everything. I don't think I've gone a whole month since September without having to take a day off, even when I was doing 3 days a week.
If you have found a good nursery, then your baby will be absolutely fine.

Nearer the time, ask about their routine, food and nap times, if you can try and align it with your routine, they'll find the day easier to settle into. Also, find out about where they sleep. How they get them to sleep. It can be really difficult when a baby relies on a pure black room, in silence, needing to be rocked to get to sleep.

Obviously both you and your DP can take time off if DC is ill
Don’t fall into the trap of making it all your responsibility
Have you put in a formal request for part time

Just to be clear “flexibility” can mean a multitude of things. I.e leave early if required, start later.. if my child is sick they will support. Hope that explains it for your narrow mind ☺️

I work in a team where I think 30% put in a request for part time, all of which were denied.
For some reason they would rather help accommodate little requests like leaving early, or needing to adjust hours than allow you to go part time.

If you’re against full time nursery, and you can’t go part time, can your partner drop a day instead?

I have worked full time throughout both my DCs lives. I returned to work at 4 months after DC1 and 8 months after DC2. They were both in nursery full days and there were waiting lists to get full time places because so many people needed them. My career would also not have allowed for part time, but was/is very flexible about having to leave if kids were sick or had sports days etc. We had no family support.

In my circles, most parents work full time. Stay away from social media, it is not a reflection of real life. It is people justifying their choices publicly.

Why are people saying the job can’t be flexible for kids if they won’t let OP work part time? There’s a ton of flexibility you can have while working full time.

My husband’s job has to be full time, but he has flexibility to do the school runs and make time up later. He can take his lunch break whenever he wants to fit around appointments or school events. He can always get school holidays off when we need him to. He works from home the majority of the time. He can take annual leave with very short notice, and they’re happy for him to take unpaid parental leave whenever he needs to. They’re very understanding about him taking days off if our child is sick.

OP, your child will be fine in full time childcare. If you have a job that will make life easier in the long run, you’re doing a good thing keeping it!

What about compressed hours, full time over 4 days?

Both of mine have been in full time nursery. DD, now 6, is doing well at school, has zillions of friends and is generally doing great. DS, age 1, has just found it tricky moving to a new room, but now reaches for his key worker in the morning and then spends the whole day playing with cars and trains.

Agree that you will need the flexibility for the constant sniffles, and try not to pre-book out your annual leave, so that you have it spare for child sickness. DS had diarrhoea just before Christmas and had to take a whole week off, even though outside of the runny nappies he was perfectly fine and full of energy. DH and I managed it with a mixture of AL and working with DS there (with employer approval).

But please don't overthink it. Give DD a while to settle in, and you can always rethink if you need to. It's worked well for my family.

Do you know what the reasons were that others have been declined part time? Is that something you could find a solution for?
I went back 4 days a week to a senior role that I’d previously been doing full time. I sent a monthly timetable of my role with my flexible request suggesting which tasks I’d need to stop doing/reallocate to others. 2.5 years on all is going well and the extra day with DS is priceless.

THANK YOU!! finally…

My child has been in nursery full time since she was about 6 months old, and loves it! Honestly I think I’d struggle to keep her entertained on my own all day without resorting to lots of tv. I feel like nursery is great as they get to do loads of activities (with people who are dedicated to playing with them, rather than trying to do their online shop / laundry / listen to a podcast etc like I would be!)

It would be lovely to have one day a week off together, but I think I’d still have to keep an eye on my emails and send up trying to do the odd work call so I think actually it might be stressful to try and protect my day off whilst meeting the demands of my job.

One tip, if you can stretch to it, is arrange for a cleaner to help you out - that just takes a bit off your plate to free up time at weekends and evenings with your child.