Are these red flags re nursery?

[Irotoyu]

My 2 yr old moved from a childminder to a nursery and I'm starting to think it's a mistake. Please tell me if I am being OTT or if these are genuinely issues.

• yesterday they texted me he was his usual happy self and ate all his lunch, then I had to pick him up early as he seemed withdrawn and unwell (so clearly wasn't his happy self?) and had only had "half his lunch" but on the app they then upload that he didn't eat any lunch?? To me this seems untruthful bordering on lying and it puts me on edge

• they never seem to know what he's done all day, I get varying conflicting updates from different members of staff, he is shy and quiet so I think he is blending into the back ground and they aren't actually noticing him.

• I've noticed they chat a long time to other parents with anecdotes about what their kids have done. With me it's a 30 second handover at best. It's really difficult to get detail out of them and I feel uncomfortable like I'm interrogating them but I just can't get any information about his day really and he is too young to properly tell me

• when I text them it takes at least 3 hours for them to respond (do understand they're busy tho so I get it)

• the food is very under whelming... Sandwiches or white rolls for dinner at 4.30pm pretty much every day. That's not a proper dinner. Snacks seem cheap and lunch not that healthy. It makes me question what I'm paying for.

• drop off is always at the gates I never actually see the inside

• they rarely ever take them out on trips which wasn't what I was told on my introduction. The toddler room is upstairs and they seem to stay in it most of the day. It's small hot and stuffy.

Please could I get opinions. We pay 1000s for our child's childcare and whilst I know nurseries are struggling badly, the above just doesn't seem good enough?

Doesn't sound good, I'd change. I was hesitant to change my lo nursery but when I finally did the difference was like night and day! I felt awful for not doing it sooner. They clearly aren't paying him as much attention as they should be and aren't very good at keeping proper records. Not very impressive and always trust your gut. He deserves better! If circumstances permit, in my opinion pre-schools are a better choice than day nurseries.

Yeah I get that, there’s been miscommunication. I think you’d be right to feedback that. The other bits you got to give time. And the outdoors play, what times do you collect DS? It could be that they’re outdoors in the day but also take them in around pickup as it’s easier to separate them in to their own rooms than having all kids in one outdoor area.

I wouldn't be impressed with the majority of that. Even when mine first started, it was nothing like that.

I would let the texts go though, they are supposed to be looking after your child, not texting parents all day.

A light dinner is normal. This week so far mine have had tuna & sweetcorn wraps with salad, homemade veggie pizza & veggie soup with bread. Lunch tends to be more 'dinner' like.

Weirdly he does leave nursery clean. As if they don't do any messy play or painting. Or if they do, he is not joining in with it.

The more I think about it the more worried I feel :(

I would move him, your instincts are telling you something's not right, I would go with your gut .

can you find another one? If you aren’t comfortable it’s doesn’t matter what other people think. He is your child, go with your instinct. Have a look around any new nursery, look at reviews. It’s really important to be happy with the nursery your child is at.
just to add there are good nurseries out there, my children both went to a fab one, I think not being able to see in is a big no for me. The one my kids was at had a huge window and blinds were always open which showed they had nothing to hide. Good luck.

I wouldn't be happy with that either.

My son has just turned 3, he's been in nursery since 2 and he has SEN. We do get a long handover though I've seen other parents get a short handover. His nursery also updates the Famly app with meals, what he's been up to, and nappy changes etc. On top of this we do also have a home/nursery communication book that details things he's struggled with, what help was given, how long this has taken etc. I would expect for a non-SEN child they'd at least update the Famly app though?

Our meals are cereals/toast for breakfast, and then he is usually offered the same as everyone else for lunch but his safe food on a separate plate for lunch and dinner. Lunch is usually things like lamb casserole, chicken curry, spaghetti bolognese etc (although my son usually eats something like plain rice, plain pasta, buttered bread, crackers). Dinner is usually something like fish cakes, beans, pizza wraps, mashed potato, chicken goujons etc (again - he mostly just has buttered bread or crackers for this meal). They also have a snack which is usually things like vegetable sticks, breadsticks, crackers, sandwiches, hummus etc

My sons nursery does do trips out - I've seen them post them on the Facebook page. However I think they only do them for the toilet trained kiddos so my son hasn't gone on one yet. They also do forest school twice per week which again, is only for the toilet trained kiddos. Could this be what's happening at your child's nursery too possibly?

I think access to the garden and outdoor play is more important than the trips out so I think as long as your child is getting that I'd overlook the trips for now, and if hes not I'd question if they can have more access to outside. I would definitely raise the food issue and possibly ask more questions at pick up time though, depending on whether you're collecting at a busy time.

Edited to add: my sons nursery is £65 per full day, Liverpool just to give an idea of what you should kind of expect for your money. Nurseries are expensive and you wanna make sure it's being spent on something that is best for your son I'm sure

That sounds way below what I’d consider as being acceptable. I’d move to another nursery.

Out of interest how do you do pick ups if you’re not allowed inside? I’d not be happy with a nursery where the handovers were done at the gate. We do them all in the room which gives parents a much better idea of what’s going on.

I’m a childminder. It seems too many people looking after him and none really getting to know him. Although, it’s early days and takes children a while to come out of themselves. However, seems not very nutritious food. The worst for me is not getting out. I’m in the garden, at the park, beach, forest, farm whenever possible. I think you should rethink this nursery.

No experience with nurseries - but our nanny used to work in the toddler room of a nursery and she said they were not allowed to use phones during the day. Perhaps this is why they take this long to respond?

Hi, my son is nearly 2 and has been in nursery 2 days per week since age 1. I’ve never used a childminder so can’t compare but would say I’m quite picky with nurseries.

• our nursery use an app too and the info is usually the same. I would not be happy if they didn’t know what he was eating and if he has none of his lunch, what else have they offered him? Has he been hungry and maybe that’s why he is unwell?
• My son was quiet and shy at first, to the point we were told after only 6 nursery days they wondered if he had social, communication difficulties! He didn’t, he was just settling in. Your child should have a key person within a couple of weeks of starting nursery and consistent staff who get to know them and build a relationship. How many children are in a class to not be able to notice and spend time with your child? Our nursery is 1:3 staff ratio and up to 9 children in each class to give you an idea.
• I wouldn’t worry about the texting, but could you call instead for a quicker response? Do they update the app during the day?
• lunch is usually a hot, proper meal like pasta, rice etc with a healthy pud and then snack might be a sandwich, jacket, picky tea. The food there isn’t great either imo.
• Drop off is at the door now we have looked round and done some settle sessions. That’s normal procedure to settle the children.
• Our nursery go out on at least one of my sons days, to the park, the library, to see things in the local area and play in the garden too. Does the nursery have a good outside space at least?

sorry for the long reply, hope it’s helpful.
always trust your gut! If you’re not happy, it’s for a reason and you’re the mum. Don’t listen to anyone else if you think it’s the wrong place for your child. All the best x

Sounds terrible. Get him out!

I agree. I was a childminder back in the day and we had all sorts of local adventures! Riding at the top deck of a double decker bus for a child who’d never been on a bus is a standout memory, and watching workmen use machines to roll hot tarmac is another. Hunting for street signs and spelling them out to link writing with real life. Going to toy libraries to borrow new toys for the week. Going to see a film. Kicking leaves and rolling down slopes. So much fun.

Which is why I hate to think of a child stuck in a small room. I also hate the thought of loads of toddlers spending all day together in a room…but I know this is seen as a norm

It’s massive red flags remove him asap

What was it like when you looked around? Did you visit any others?

If it isnt right for your child then definitely look to move him. But I dont think its a true reflection of nursery being wrong versus childminder, just THIS nursery

Our nursery, for example, is absolutely amazing. But we did pull our child from a different one we initially signed up for as it there were issues we werent sure about

I imagine the daily reports are a tick box exercise and they don't really notice what a particular child is doing or eating sadly.
Not taking them put when you were told they would would bother me more, especially when the weather's good.

Some things on your list wouldn't bother me (I'd ring for anything urgent, and not expect a quick response to a text/message on the app; the lunch confusion wouldn't bother me as a one-off).

Other things, yes, red flags. They should be able to tell you what he's done that day (or at least part of it – I have had the occasional 'I wasn't in this morning, but this afternoon they've done...'). If he's still settling, they should be paying him more attention, not less. Even if he's a child who prefers his space as he gets to know the people/place, they should be keeping a close eye. Outside time is very important, and the weather is good. They should be getting lots of time in the garden at a minimum.

I’d remove him a put him on a preschool. Preferably one attached to the school he’s most likely to attend.
most preschools take children from 2.5.
these settings are generally more nurturing and educational then private day nurseries

Of course these are red flags. Nurseries are generally not the best places for young children, even the “good” ones. The one you’re using sounds awful so I would take him out asap.