WWYD if your dc came home from nursery with these bruises?

[mena78]

For context, this is from two settle sessions. The first I was present and no bruises. The second and third resulted in the two bruises pictured. He was only there for 45 mins and 20 minutes without me.

When I came back they didn't mention anything and to be fair even I didn't notice until we had got home.

He won't be going back anyway for other reasons but I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to raise this especially since I can't prove they actually happened at nursery once we've got home.

The first one on the hand I didn't mention because he could easily have done that by hitting something hard. The second one concerns me more.

What, if anything, do I need to do? He doesn't seem in pain. The reason I came back in after 20 mins instead of 45 the second time was because I could hear him screaming from outside. Grabbed him and took him straight home.

It's distressed me a bit, any advice? Is this just normal nursery stuff?

This to a degree
sorry op it sounds like it was the baby gate trying to escape and they wernt able to safely contain him?
Maybe they didn’t know how to handle it and deal with it
not good though , makes me think they should have called you sooner and explained more about what had happened
but perhaps they didn’t realise the force of what he’d done and had left bruising on himself

perhaps you can write an email to the manager and tell her that your not impressed with how they handled the situation with pictures and that they need to review how they handle theses things in the future
maybe get some more advice from your gp too
sorry op sounds stressful I hope you get a good place where his needs be met and you can leave him without worrying

Thanks that's good advice @time2changeCharlieBrown

I hope you’re able to get the EHCNA in a reasonable time frame.
in my experience, often professionals will know that the funding and places available are incredibly stretched and will suggest trying a mainstream first.
it may be that your child could cope in a different mainstream? But by the sounds of it, not this one.
if you feel you want closure on it, it could be a good idea to call them and ask for a debrief about exactly what happened and how the bruises might have happened. It isn’t the nurseries “fault” though from what you have said.

Oh bless him, the stairgate sounds like the culprit then so I think you have your explanation and it’s clearly not the right setting for him so you’ve made the right decision. Good luck with the EHCNA and finding a suitable setting for him.

It does sound as though your son has injured himself and the second bruise looks old (unless it’s a bad light). It didn’t look like a fresh bruise like the first so it could have happened days ago but only just come out. I get this A LOT. Either way, as long as your child isn’t showing signs of internal injury, he isn’t really injured. The shape of the bruises do not indicate harm by somebody, they are clearly accidental. Bruises come and go.

He has SEN, has been placed somewhere with strangers with no support in place, has become distressed, has managed to injure himself rather than escape (surely that’s the better option than a missing child?!) and you want to blame the staff because this ‘doesn’t happen at home’? No it won’t happen at home without the same resources, equipment and ratios of staff: children.

You state they didn’t tell you about it but what chance did you give them if you grabbed him and went straight home?

Please don’t inflict the nature of what you’re clearly implying on those staff or the nursery.

What you are able to do to comfort and keep him safe are not going to be the same things they can do to comfort him and keep him safe.
You need a new plan with better support. I hope you get it.

Haven't implied anything @Username197

Spoke to them for a good 10 minutes before we left.

I say grabbed him because that's literally what I did. He was in extreme distress, and as a pp has said, they should have called me

My pre-schoolers have a lot of these. It’s from leaning on gates, tables, storage buckets etc. Or from running into a table or the like. That being said you should still have been given an explanation if you’ve noticed it. It’s likely they didn’t see it because unless it’s a full change with don’t take their tops off.

I very much doubt the bruise on his body was caused by leaning over a safety gate. He’d have to be much taller than a toddler for the gate to only come up to his chest. Also, it doesn’t look like a fresh mark.
OP, toddlers get bruises constantly. The only ones that don’t are the ones who sit still and never engage with their environment.

You said you grabbed him and took him straight home.

I work in a nursery and neither of these marks look like something another child/adult would do. First one looks like he’s caught his hand in something- likely a baby gate if he’s been trying to get out the room to you. The second looks like he’s bumped into something, possibly a table/chair but could also be caused by trying to climb a baby gate. It is completely normal for children to try and find their parents during settling in sessions, sometimes no matter what we do, it’s still a shock to their system. Staff may have been attentive and trying to get him back but when he’s hurt himself they could have assumed the cries were just crying for you, not because he’d hurt himself or he may not have even noticed himself. I could be wrong as I don’t know the nursery. But in the future I would mention at his next setting about the marks and how distressed he was just to prepare staff and maybe check him over before leaving to find out the cause. You can also request extra settling in sessions and extend his actual start date although you may get charged the usual daily fee, at least it gives him more time to adjust- personally I don’t think only one with parent is enough sometimes.

But they have other children they have said they can't do it as he needs more support they have been upfront. What do you want them to do devote 1 to 1 and neglect others? How many children are you looking after all day long and how many are in need of care and attention?

Thanks that's really helpful

You should probably re-read your posts as they do imply you think either he’s been neglected or hurt. You also contradict yourself a lot. You said you grabbed him and left, didn’t ask why he was crying but what were you talking about for 10 minutes?!

It is normal for children to cry when they’re first left alone at nursery. 20 minutes is not a long time. Some children take a whole morning to settle and start playing. They try to persevere otherwise what children learn is if they cry, mom comes straight back. This might be fine for you right now, but it isn’t fine for working parents who cannot go and pick their child up after 20 minutes of crying. All children eventually settle. Although he’s only two, nobody knows how big/strong he is. Man-handling a child off a gate may cause more injury to the child or staff. I’m glad for them they didn’t, imagine if your child came home with hand print marks?!

It doesn’t sound like leaving your child is going to be right for you.

So far off the mark @Username197 I'm not dignifying this with a response, find someone else to troll

This is true. I was a teacher in a school Nursery Class and didn't work with 2 year olds but not all 3 year olds want to be comforted with a cuddle and will push you away. It would be wrong to force yourself on them. It seems to me that, on paper, it looked like they could manage his needs then they realised that, in practice, they couldn't manage his needs with their level of staffing and other children to care for.

troll? What? Nothing I have said is trolling! I have offered an experienced point of view, which I am sure would not have received ‘thanks’ from other users if it was trolling.

Lots of others are telling you the same things but across separate posts.

It may be that he has higher needs than they anticipated and they couldn't cope with him whilst trying to care for the other children too, so he got left at the gate and got that mark. It's very different at nursery when they have to care for multiple children then it is for you at home one on one with your DC, especially as he doesn't know them, they can't just leave the other children to give your DC one on one attention for that long. It sounds like a nursery isn't the right setting for him and he needs somewhere where can have more individual attention.

Which professionals and have they seen him in a group setting or just with you?

So you do have an explanation. It sounds like he was leaning on the baby gate and got the mark that way.
I know you said a team of 3 should be able to stop him getting bruises but your son isn't the only child in the room and if he needs a more specialist nursery then you can't really blame the staff that he's hurt himself.
If you do find a more specialist nursery or just one that suits your DS better maybe ask for a longer settle session with you gradually adding time to how long you're away. Do you think your DS would respond better to that?
I know it's horrible to hear your child in distress but they will not cry all session. They may cry and get distressed at different points in the day but a good nursery will deal with that.
As your son has additional needs he may well not respond to comfort or distraction from people he doesn't know at first. He will get there but it will take time which is why I suggest more frequent settles but for shorter periods of time.