Guilty of leaving baby to study, should I quit?!

[Kittyxx]

My baby girl is 7 months going into 8 in a few weeks, and I was planning on being on maternity till she was 1 year and then had annual leave for 2 extra months meaning I still had lots of time with my baby before retiring to my job in nursing.

Within the last month everything’s just been very crazy and spontaneous and led to me applying for a PGCE teaching course (duration 10 months) starting September. I applied as me and my husband live with his family and have done since we’ve been married (2 years) and we’re no where closer to saving for a house than we were then. Me doing this teaching course gives us opportunities to work abroad with a housing package included and gives my family an amazing experience abroad as well as our own space! Also gives me all the school holidays so when baby is older I’m always there.

I didn’t really think I would get it as I applied in August but I did so easily! It’s like everything is happening to quickly and easily like it’s a path I’m meant to take but it means me leaving my daughter earlier than planned and it makes me feel really guilty and heartbroken! She’s attached to me as I am her and I’ve always been with her since she’s been born! We’ve worked out a timetable of nursery 2 days and then family members looking after her the other 3 days, but even then I know we’ll both struggle. Am I doing the right thing? I feel like part of me is thinking of our future and the other is thinking of quitting and being there for my baby instead of neglecting her! She’s not an easy baby and I don’t know how well she will settle with nursery or with others looking after her. When me and my husband have left her before it always ends up with her screaming.

I’m in two minds and know why I wanted to do this but feel like I’m putting my career before my child when I was never that person, my baby is always my first priority but I also want to give her the best life and have our own space and this is the only way I can see. I just don’t want mine and her bond to suffer with me spending so much time away from her too!

Please help

Remember you have to complete two years of early career teaching in England before you’re qualified to teach here. I don’t know how that works with teaching abroad.

I'd guess primary given that a nursing degree wouldn't be accepted as a secondary subject, and OP wouldn't have had time to do any subject enhancement or whatever it's called these days.

Looking online there are teaching jobs that will take on ‘nqts’. This would concern me as the language has changed to ECT’s. I wonder whether they would offer the career progression to get signed off as after two years? I know living abroad might be enticing for now but you may want to return to the uk at some point and you would want to be employed again as a teacher so you’d need all the correct career progression paperwork etc.

When I taught abroad it was 7 am to 5 pm so that’s a 50 hour week and I had marking to do in the evenings as well. We were often asked to go into work on Saturday mornings for open days. Just as it is here, if your child is unwell and you need to stay home with them those days are unpaid. You wouldn’t have the family support for childcare that you do in the UK.

I'm a teacher, have been for 6 years now, and would just say be very wary of going into this with holidays and working abroad as your reasoning (not saying this is your only reasoning, just going on what I can see from your post). The PGCE year will take A LOT from you, I did it when I was 24 with no responsibilities like children, only my boyfriend (now husband) and it was very tough. Woke up at 5:30, wasn't home til 7pm, then worked all evening on lesson plans and essays. I got through it from passion I had for what I was doing and wanting very much to teach and work in schools. If this is not your initial motivation, you will struggle to get through, particularly as working abroad is certainly not something you can do straight off the bat. Equally - holidays don't make up for all the hours spent away in term time. For reference, I am just about to return to work for 2 days a week after my maternity leave. I know I will be working in my evenings and free time around this as well.

Bearing in mind what others have said about the realities of teaching perhaps you might want to delay for a year because not only will your baby be in nursery but you will have all the additional pressure of assignments in the evenings and weekends. 9 months is a stage when babies become very clingy as well so perhaps you need to factor that in. I’m sorry if that upsets you or anyone else.

I qualified in the mid-1990s at age 23, had to be on a bus at 6.30 am for teaching practice, back at 7 pm to work all evening, weekends were spent planning and writing essays. I was a fully qualified teacher when DD was born and went back to work 2 days a week when she was 9 months old - her Dad looked after her on my working days. There were no ECT years back then.

I would defer a year.
No way would I be leaving an 8 month old in full time care.

Evidence shows children thrive best when with primary carer until 3ish. Obviously it's often necessary to do so before that but 8 months is tiny. You'll miss so so much.

I'd also worry about these multiple people and settings - she'll have no continuity, routine will be different with everyone. If possible a single carer would be better. So many important developments at this age- weaning, sleep, gross/ fine motor skill development/ speech.

It didn’t affect my bond with my baby at all! Best of luck!

You seem certain that you're going to get a post abroad immediately and this is how you are justifying it to yourself.

Unless you already have a job offer, I would be cautious of this being your only reason for doing it. Teaching (especially when you're new and have tonnes of planning) is a very time consuming job and if your heart is not in it for the right reasons you will struggle, particularly if you are feeling guilty about leaving the baby already. You run the risk of feeling like you've let them down if you're promising this life abroad that doesn't come to fruition immediately.

Best of luck with it, I would just go into it being prepared to work in the UK for a few years first.