Page 2 | Nursery drop offs and pick ups

Preggers101 · 2024-06-21T18:37:37+00:00

2 nursery aged children and 2 parents who both work full time. One works 8- 5.30 and the other works 9-5 with similar commuting times. Should the 9-5 parent do all the nursery drop offs and pick ups? What can the other parent do to equal things out a little?

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Overthebow · 23/06/2024 08:13

The person doing 9-5 has a much shorter day than the 8-5.30, so it would make sense for the parents and the children if that parent does the nursery runs, with the other parent as back up. If the nursery is only 5 mins from home it’s not really a big deal to do the drop off so I don’t think anything needs to make things fairer.

Luddite26 · 23/06/2024 08:21

I think 2 to 3 days a week I would get the 8 am parent to do early drop offs to give chance for the 9am parent to do tidy ups prep tea etc. and have a clear head for work. But 5pm finisher do pick ups unless they have something on after work.

Onyoupop · 23/06/2024 08:22

Preggers101 · 21/06/2024 21:01

There is no argument, just working out the balance between what's best for kids (most time at home possible) and what's reasonable (5 drop offs and 5 pick ups a week might be stressful), and work out the best routine.

If nursery is 5 mins away from home I can't understand what is stressful about doing drop off/pick up?

Mumoftwo1316 · 23/06/2024 08:27

The stressful part is getting the kids ready.

9-5 parent can do all the drop offs and pickups, but other parent should help get them ready before he/she leaves for work.

Strictly1 · 23/06/2024 08:29

I wouldn’t be putting my children in nursery for extra just so that it was ‘fair’ on the adults! Collecting your two children, five minutes away from him is not that stressful. My focus would be on the children, not if I’d done extra whilst the other half was still working.
Parenting seems to becoming very transactional which is sad.

JumpstartMondays · 23/06/2024 08:34

pinksheetss · 21/06/2024 20:25

I don't understand the concept of 'evening things out' when it comes to picking up your child.
If it makes more sense time wise for one parent to do pick up and drop off then go for that?
My DP does pick up and drop off every day because nursery is on the way to his work and I work further away. We genuinely have never had this even be a discussion that it's unfair on one or the other to be doing that.

I am of the same mindset! It's weird to me, almost like using children for point scoring 🤷

I work PT, my DH works full time and it's still DH that does nursery pick ups and drops offs. We are both responsible for the running of our family and household, there's no need to point score chores to even things out, but then we're both actively involved. Without one of us, the other would have a lot more to do. We appreciate each other, that is worth more imo.

QuillBill · 23/06/2024 08:48

I also can't imagine trying to even things out and be fair about nursery transportation.

Just whoever is finished first surely.

If you live together and you have two small children then I imagine there are a lot of other things that need to be done in order to run a home together. You can't go through life saying 'if you take them to get their hair cut, I'll take the bins out for the next two weeks.'

spriots · 23/06/2024 08:50

JumpstartMondays · 23/06/2024 08:34

I am of the same mindset! It's weird to me, almost like using children for point scoring 🤷

I work PT, my DH works full time and it's still DH that does nursery pick ups and drops offs. We are both responsible for the running of our family and household, there's no need to point score chores to even things out, but then we're both actively involved. Without one of us, the other would have a lot more to do. We appreciate each other, that is worth more imo.

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I think one person's "point scoring" is another person's conversation about how to divide household responsibilities.

I personally wouldn't want to do every pick up and drop off unless my DH really couldn't do any as getting my kids to get their shoes on and out the door is my least favourite thing! It also can lead to being automatically in charge of a lot more life admin.

drspouse · 23/06/2024 08:51

My DCs went to my workplace nursery. Obviously it was senseless for DH to drop off unless it we both WFH or I was ill.

JumpstartMondays · 23/06/2024 09:25

spriots · 23/06/2024 08:50

I think one person's "point scoring" is another person's conversation about how to divide household responsibilities.

I personally wouldn't want to do every pick up and drop off unless my DH really couldn't do any as getting my kids to get their shoes on and out the door is my least favourite thing! It also can lead to being automatically in charge of a lot more life admin.

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Does it really need a conversation in how to divide up household responsibilities though? If something needs doing, you are both adults and can see that something needs doing, then surely whoever is available to do the thing does the thing. It doesn't need an adult to say "I've done this thing so now you need to do this thing to make it fair that I did that thing", does it? I would argue then that won't ever be an equal sharing of household responsibilities because there will always need to be someone taking the lead and instigating that or keeping track, or taking on more of the life admin as you pointed out.

My DH does the nursery run because he wants to and because I have other responsibilities that mean I can't. I do other things when they need doing, as does DH. We are a partnership.

spriots · 23/06/2024 09:31

JumpstartMondays · 23/06/2024 09:25

Does it really need a conversation in how to divide up household responsibilities though? If something needs doing, you are both adults and can see that something needs doing, then surely whoever is available to do the thing does the thing. It doesn't need an adult to say "I've done this thing so now you need to do this thing to make it fair that I did that thing", does it? I would argue then that won't ever be an equal sharing of household responsibilities because there will always need to be someone taking the lead and instigating that or keeping track, or taking on more of the life admin as you pointed out.

My DH does the nursery run because he wants to and because I have other responsibilities that mean I can't. I do other things when they need doing, as does DH. We are a partnership.

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Everyone runs their relationship differently but I think some conversation is surely required..

Otherwise who would know who was picking up their children or cooking dinner?! You must have discussed this at some point to agree that your DH prefers to do the nursery runs

There are always different ways to run things and "just do what's needed" doesn't work for everyone.

Having had a good conversation about dividing things up makes our household run more smoothly and means we aren't tripping over each other and both trying to do the same things.

CelesteCunningham · 23/06/2024 09:37

spriots · 23/06/2024 08:50

I think one person's "point scoring" is another person's conversation about how to divide household responsibilities.

I personally wouldn't want to do every pick up and drop off unless my DH really couldn't do any as getting my kids to get their shoes on and out the door is my least favourite thing! It also can lead to being automatically in charge of a lot more life admin.

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Yes that's my view too. Getting them out in the morning is stressful and I think I would resent DH if he was swanning out and leaving me to it five days a week. And then my normally well behaved children who walk so nicely turn feral at 5pm and seem determined to run into traffic.

If the DC are already in for full days I don't think there odd extra half hour to give the 9-5 parent a more relaxed start or end to their day is such a big deal. Especially if it means they can get dinner started etc and the evening runs more smoothly.