Preschool illegally restraining child

[Happyhappyday]

My DC has had some behavior concerns in school - she is 4.5 (not UK so still in preschool) and at worst, she will throw a block at a teacher. Never aggressive toward children according to her teachers. She has thrown a block 5-6 times in the last 18 months. Her school has communicated very poorly with us (took over a week for the head of school to get back to me after I emailed her 2x and called) and despite us regularly asking to meet to put together a plan, we were unable to make any progress until this week when we were told she couldn't rejoin her afternoon program for the remainder of the year.

DD has been through a full behavioral evaluation at the school's request, with the school's input, by a behavioral psychologist who said her behavioral was developmentally completely normal and had no clinically relevant findings.

We found out from her and the school later confirmed, that she has been physically restrained on multiple occasions, at least one occurring not due to danger but because a staff member was frustrated by her behavior (she was apparently demanding a piece of string over and over again). Where we live, legally, children can only be restrained in cases of "imminent serious harm" and the restraint must be reported in writing to the parents within 24 hours AND to the government and a plan must be immediately created with input from the child's doctor to ensure restraint is not needed in future. The school has done none of this, and even after confirming yesterday that she was illegally restrained, we have not received any reporting. This is a large, well respected private school without 400 students from 2.5 - 13.

We are struggling with

1. do we pull her out? She is very settled, would definitely struggle with an adjustment and I believe the lapses happened due to lack of training, rather than staff deliberately harming her (and she has not been hurt at all). The fact someone restrained her in frustration though is HUGELY concerning to me.

1. Do we report the school? They will be investigated immediately, will be forced to show records that do not exist and would likely be fined and/or their early years programs shut down.

When I write this out, it feels obvious that we should pull her immediately and report to the state, it just feels like such a huge huge thing to do... that will likely impact a lot of other families at the school... but reporting laws exist for a reason...

Question is not about her behavior or whether it was reasonable for the school to restrain her, legally it was not and they did not follow the legal procedure once it had happened, or indeed after it was pointed out to them.

Just to say that a bear hug would count as restraint in the UK too.
I havent done my positive handling training for a few years but was a method taught a few years ago.
It involves hugging the child from behind, wrapping your arms over theirs and across their tummy and legs over their legs.
It completely immobilises the child and they can find it quite distressing (as I can imagine would an adult)
There is nothing hug like or nurturing about it at all but sometimes it is necessary to keep the child or others safe.
I have used this on a child who was in crisis and school followed procedures.
Op you are getting lots of advice from people who dont completely understand the situation.

I'd say: 1. do you trust the pre school apart from the not following procedures?

1. Your dd is showing difficulties in the setting and is displaying nero-diverse behaviour. She needs support with this rather than being labelled 'naughty'. moving settings might mean that these issues follow you there and you need to start again with professionals getting involved.

I hope you manage to get things sorted for your dd and ignore some of the unkind comments on here.

@CherryBlossom100 the difficulty is that what you have described as a bear hug IS an official restraint method but what in common parlance is a bear hug isn’t necessarily the same!! I have worked in mental health where you have to care physically for someone eg. Giving personal care to a person with dementia and likewise you can get poorly trained staff using methods in ways that can be illegal and inappropriate restraint and they don’t understand the boundary lines.This is what the OP needs to clear up with the school as if the school is practising a bear hug as you have specifically described without that being a defined part of that child’s management plan then undoubtedly this needs to be reported/discussed as the op has stated etc etc.I’m presuming you work in childcare…might picking up and moving a younger child eg Age 2-3 away from a situation be different from moving an older 4-5 year old away from a situation?? the fact that school have specifically asked for the child to be seen for assessment by a professional suggests something is going on over and above what is typical 4 year old behaviour hence the op needs to clarify why these situations are escalating in such a way and why school is reacting in what appears to be an inappropriate way…it could well be these particular staff need urgent training in how they manage children and the school is urgently needing external oversight but if not the case could this situation could easily happen again in a new setting? In mental health you can absolutely escalate a situation from putting your hands on a person and if this child is neurodiverse it may actually worsen the situation if they are handling the child.

@Happyhappyday could you perhaps go into school and ask them to demonstrate what they do when they put their hands on her?if it’s as @CherryBlossom100 described then undoubtedly it needs to go further as if they don’t understand the implications of this then it’s a real
problem but as they don’t appear to be showing the same level of concern I have a suspicion that this may not be actually physically what they are doing.

@holaholiday I completely agree with everything you've said.
Language matters and op needs to be sure exactly what was done to her child and why.
I agree that what would be necessary for a younger child wouldn't need to be done for a bigger child but this child is 4.5 and could be quite unmanageable. What I've described as a bear hug is a better choice than grabbing the child and dragging by the arms.
The child cannot be left to throw objects at staff members. I have known a child to break a staff members nose doing just that.
If the child is neuro-diverse, deescalation strategies can be discussed and organised.
I've had a child who i would pick up and place in an empty room and then sit on the far side of the room as close contact would antagonise them further.

I dont think this situation is a cut and dry where pre school are wrong or parents are parenting wrong.

The preschool seem like they are trying to access support for dd.
I would talk with them calmly, and see what they say before you decide next steps.
The failure to report correctly wouldn't be the most important thing for me.

Was the restraint necessary? What are their next steps? What avenues are open to you as a parent in your country?