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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Punished for not talking?

51 replies

JanJC · 14/09/2022 17:33

So DD has been attending a nursery setting for 11 months and has settled well.
There has been a lot of staff changes recently and over the summer DD has become a little shy around staff.

she has always been shy with the adults, but chatters on while she is pottering and they have observed her, knowing she is more than capable of talking. She will speak directly to most members of staff, however there is one new member of staff she refuses to speak to.
She has told me she does not like her.

Tonight I have collected DD and her key worker seemed rather abrupt with her.
Key worker informed me that DD had been on time out because she refused to speak to a staff member. First of all the key worker told me they had told DD she wouldn’t be able to eat her dinner, unless she spoke to staff. DD still refused so staff proceeded to put her in time out!
keeping in mind she is 2 years old, I am furious she has been punished for not speaking to someone!

I don’t think it sunk in as to what had happened.

what are peoples thoughts?

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Treaclex69 · 14/09/2022 19:20

You must report this as withholding food is deemed corporal punishment and is against their registration requirements.

I'm a childminder and every now and again a child may choose not to speak to me which is absolutely fine a bit of chatting to the other children often brings the non talker out of their shell bursting to join in the chat.

I do not do time out but we have a space where children can freely go for some thinking time but it's most definitely not a punishment.

Please do report and personally I would remove my own child if she was subjected to such treatment at 8 years of age your DD is still so little and should be treated with more care and attention.

scrivette · 14/09/2022 19:34

That's awful, really shocking.

At DD's nursery there is a child who doesn't speak and sometimes DD doesn't speak as she can be shy, however they have taught her to sign please and thank you so she can use those instead.

Kellie45 · 14/09/2022 19:36

This kid is two years old! You don’t do this to a two year old. Obviously these staff are untrained. Withdraw!

britneyisfree · 14/09/2022 19:40

Report that shit and withdraw your child. If you aren't taking her out immediately I'd keep quiet about telling ofsted as they've already demonstrated their willingness to emotionally harm your child.

CallMeLinda · 14/09/2022 19:43

They sound awful. I'd be raging. Hope you get some answers in the morning, although nothing can justify their actions.

Bobbybobbins · 14/09/2022 19:43

Awful

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 14/09/2022 19:47

I cannot believe what I'm reading! My DD was mute for most of nursery and through R Y1 and Y2 due to anxiety. She was fine at home. I'd have been furious if she'd been punished! I hope you get answers tomorrow. Your poor DD.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 14/09/2022 19:49

On top of what everyone else has said, it sounds like the nursery worker took it personally that a two year old did something she didn’t like. That’s a massive red flag that this woman shouldn’t be working in a childcare setting. If the manager supoorts her please do escalate all of this to OfSTED and potentially social services as a safeguarding issue.

Fair warning I had a similar situation last year and the manager was full of shit and rude about it so I had to pull my child and care for him at home for a month because she took his funding for the notice period. Which made work impossible.

TimeToGoUpAGear · 14/09/2022 19:51

Don't send her back.

My son was VERY shy at nursery but had a wonderful key worker who was patient with him and he developed trust and ultimately spoke to her and other staff. 3 years later he was diagnosed with autism! (Not saying that applies to your child, of course). If they had pushed him or punished him, it would have done untold damage.

She's 2. Not 22!

TheUsualChaos · 14/09/2022 19:55

That's really quite awful. They have basically bullied her. Sorry you are having to deal with this. It sounds like the kind of thing that could easily be dismissed and seen as an over reaction of your part so I would be prepared for that. If nursery manager response is anything less than satisfactory then I would be looking for a new nursery. Good luck OP.

bloodywhitecat · 14/09/2022 19:56

I'd be absolutely steaming if anyone did that to my little one. I would report that to OFSTED, it is abusive and so very, very wrong on all fronts.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 14/09/2022 19:58

Wow that's crazy. I think I'd change nursery to a kinder, more nurturing one!

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 14/09/2022 19:59

Oh wow didn't notice the not allowing dinner. I would never allow her back and I would report them.

newbiename · 14/09/2022 20:28

Bloody hell. Let us know what they say - it's outrageous.

worriedatthistime · 14/09/2022 22:08

My ds never spoke to teachers much at nursery for most if time there , they had to complete his forma mostly on listening to him speak to the other children he also never spoke to his reception teacher for 3 months ,
I would be taking it up with them tomorrow , shes 2

Feeellostindirection · 14/09/2022 22:15

Having worked in private nursery settings, this is diabolical behaviour from the staff and shouldn't have happened at all, it sounds like bullying from grown adults who should know better. I'd take her out immediately and look at child minders. Since I started to work in private nurseries id not place my own dc in one, there are too many staff who work in them that don't want to do the job properly. Obviously that's just my experience and I can't speak for every nursery.

LittleOwl153 · 14/09/2022 22:21

Yeah another parent of a little mute here... mi e is 13 and still has her moments. Withholding food is cruel. I hope you do report this as no child should be made to go without food.

grosgirl · 15/09/2022 19:13

How did it go today @JanJC?

Abracadabra12345 · 16/09/2022 21:11

How did you get on OP?

Ladybyrd · 17/09/2022 12:34

Withholding food is bang out of order. I think that would do it for me, regardless of how badly she'd behaved, but for not speaking? And then being off with her? I would definitely find a new nursery.

moneybeingwasted · 17/09/2022 12:38

Did you get on ok with nursery?!! I really hope it wasn’t true what was said to you!!

moonriverandme · 19/09/2022 23:10

I would be very interested to know what the manager had to say about this & the training needs that have been identified as a result & so on. I used to manage a nursery & I would very rarely say this but you should report this to Ofsted & your local education authority, this is a safeguarding failure & is abuse by the staff.

Tumbleweed101 · 20/09/2022 21:55

Agree with everyone else. You must speak with the manager as a matter of urgency as your child might not be the only one this has happened to.

Time out is not allowed in our setting and withholding of food wouldn't even be considered. At two children are just building confidence with their speech. We teach Makaton so children developing confidence can sign please and thank you and ask for more food.

Ginger1982 · 20/09/2022 21:58

What happened?

PinkButtercups · 20/09/2022 22:03

They refuse her dinner and put her in time out? Yeah she wouldn't be going back if she was my daughter.

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