Should I keep my toddler off nursery when my new baby arrives?

[Anxiousmumlife]

My 2nd baby is due in October and I am considering keeping my son off from nursery between October and January as a way to limit winter bugs getting in the house with a new born and him restarting properly in January. He is 2 years 3 months old, has settled in to nursery well but I feel I can see what will happen he will just bring back one cold after another and I dont want to be going to the hospital with a new born constantly having chest infections, respitory distress and all sorts. Has anyone else done this?

Some incredibly bossy posters.

Sorry op but your toddler will always be bringing something home. My son started at a childminders in April and its now a rare week that a doesn't have some form of cold or something . He hasn't even done a winter there!

Would you get the space back for your toddler when you want it if you pull him out over the winter? I have a 1mo and a 3 year old and have to keep him in for most of his current days (FT) as we'll need it when we're back to work in the summer and no way we'd get the days back if we pulled him out now.

Ha I had DD2 12 weeks ago and I was chucking DD1 in the nursery door from a moving car!

And most of my friends who have had a second have had toddlers or older children in nursery and school and none of them have been back and forward to the hospital. DD2 has had two mild colds which she's recovered from fine. I don't think your scenario is likely.

Personally I wouldn’t but it’s what suits you best. I have enjoyed the quieter times when DS is at school. We all had covid when DS2 was 2 weeks old and it was fine.

Your toddler will benefit from the routine and you’ll benefit from having some alone time with the baby. I kept mine in full time for the first three months and then started taking her out part time. Best thing I ever did. My winter baby has only had one cold from his sister, was pretty mild and he didn’t need anything other than some extra cuddles and boobs

I had my 3 year old DD at nursery 3 days and home 2 days per week when DS was a newborn. It was hard on the days she was home, not because she was difficult in any way but newborns and 3 year olds have such conflicting needs that either DD was bored or me and DS were exhausted and overstimulated. She just wanted to be in the park/at soft play/classes/stay and plays etc and she didn't nap at all by that point. She liked hanging out with her baby brother to an extent but if she hadn't been at nursery she would have been climbing the walls. Also you can't take the toddler to baby swimming or whatever. Unless you keep your toddler in a bubble and don't let them have any fun they will bring bugs into the house and that's ok. DS was actually sick a lot less than DD in their first year.

It's not about how hard it is to be at home with two children, it's about how disruptive it would be to OP's toddler to have their routine completely changed and something they enjoy (nursery) taken away, on top of a brand new baby!

I didn't. I don't remember the baby getting any of the illnesses the other two did - although tbh after they'd been in for about 6 months that did tail off a lot.

I had two under 2. I only sent them to nursery when they had their free hours.

And that's fine, but OP is talking about taking a child who is already at nursery out, which is not at all the same thing.

If you are breastfeeding that will help protect your newborn from colds and other bugs, as they are getting all your antibodies, so I wouldn't be unduly worried by your older child bringing germs home. For most new second time mums, it is a relief if older child continues with nursery, as it's hard to get out and about for outings / playtime when you have to work around a newborn's feeding and napping schedule. For the older child nursery also gives some continuity and consistency for them, at a time of big change back home.

Yeah - your DS needs to be in nursery. He'll be bored stupid at home otherwise. You just won't have the time to entertain him

This. Stop being so precious about people's responses.

Also your idea is not the best one as your eldest needs consistency. It also sounds to me like your catastrophising possible outcomes of colds and bugs. If so then you need help to overcome that.

No, I agree with the others. I’m planning to keep DD off for a few days just so she doesn’t feel pushed out, and give her a chance to properly meet her new sibling, then back to nursery.

DS2 was born in January. Kept DS1 at home initially. This was not the plan but both DH and I had covid and needed to self isolate. No one could help with nursery runs so had to keep DS1 at home. It was grim and honestly better for everyone for DS1 to have his usual routine. It was only a week or so but more than long enough.

You'll just find yourself taking yourself to all the baby groups to get the toddler out and still risk picking up all the coughs and colds.

For what it's worth, I had a newborn last June and also have a DS in school and, to be honest, he didn't bring home that many colds really.

For me the benefit to your older child of continuing at nursery plus having that 1:1 time with the baby would massively outweigh the risks of illnesses. Plus if I didn't have the older one in nursery I'd end up going out to all sorts of playgroups and soft plays just to fill the time and then they'd pick up the bugs anyway.

I wouldn't do this. Both my older DC are January born with 12 months between them.

Oldest was settled at childminders when DC2 was born so carried with existing sessions. It gave me much needed time alone with DC2 and as DC1 wasn't walking when DC2 was born I needed a rest from having them both, especially after a c section.

In terms of colds, coughs etc, it was fine. Yes they both caught them (but could have picked then up from anywhere) but no gp or hospital visits were required because of it.

DC2 has a much better immune system than DC1 and is hardly ever Ill so it did them no harm at all.

Obviously it's up to you, but especially with the time of year, entertaining a toddler and looking after a new born will be quite difficult - if the weather is shite you may not be able to get out much.

Ok again as I said thanks for the replies to the ones that have actually understood my point thank you for taking the time to reply without judgement. To the parents that clearly know far more than me thank you for reinforcing why so many people are scared to just ask for advice.

I kept my eldest home for 10 days when I was past my due date waiting for DD2, because her nursery at the time had an outbreak of scarlet fever. But I didn’t keep her off after that for usual colds / bugs etc. She needed her routine and DD2 needed some 1on1 time.

YABU.

My youngest-born was fairly newborn when school started but did not end up in hospital (nor even with a significant cold as I remember) from all the germs brought into the house by siblings and others. Although as a breastfed baby there was the benefit of my antibodies; I would also have discouraged older children (and adults) from kissing the baby, or from sticking their faces nearby when full of cold etc., and we're good with handwashing in our house which also helps.

Disrupting your elder child's routine is a very bad idea, and then sending him back again when the baby is still small is also a bad idea. Young children can experience all sorts of complexes around their younger siblings even without this, don't make it worse. In addition, if he's not around the germs of nursery for 3 months, when he goes back he'll probably catch everything anyway, and your baby will still be small.

Now, if your baby is premature or otherwise has respiratory problems or a visit to SCBU, that might change things a bit, and you can decide at the time after consultation with healthcare professionals.

Women can be really obnoxious to other women. I automatically distrust anyone's wisdom if they can't bring themselves to speak with kindness to another young mother.

Outside the rarified world of MN I don't know anyone who doesn't make the most of a second maternity leave with at least some extra time with the first child. You do you.