Advice please - due back in work 2 wks, DS taster session at nursery a disaster.

[choolie]

Sorry this is long, but please read if you have the time, I could do with some advice.

DS is 11m. I'm due back in work in a couple of weeks and had booked 4 half day taster sessions at the nursery in preparation for him going there, so that I could stay for the first session, (which I'd been told by the manager to do) stay for part of the second and then leave him for the full 2 half days in the hope this would settle him in gently, before his 2 full days a week once I'm back at work.

when I arrived for the first session, it was a bit disorganised, the manager popped her head round the door, said she'd see me later. One of the girls sat on the floor with me for a few minutes so I could read through the notes I'd made on DS's routine, likes, dislikes etc. during this time, other babies were toddling up to her, DS wanted my attention etc. Then I was made to feel it would be better if I left DS there for an hour and that I should go without saying goodbye. I felt quite intimidated, like I must be an over anxious parent (which, yes I am over stuff like leaving my baby with strangers) had to run back in to make sure they had my mobile number as nobody had checked it, then sat in the car crying feeling like I'd just deserted him. 5min later they rang to say could I come back, he was quite upset and I could hear him hysterical in the background and I had to go back and pick him up - at which point I expressed how unhappy I was too. I've never seen DS so distressed.

What is a normal induction to a nursery? I was expecting to be able to see DS settled and happily playing before leaving him there - which I'd been assured on booking him in was the norm, I'd been told parents stay for the first session and in fact that they encourage parents to drop in as often as they wished. Nobody seemed to want to check what information I'd been given (after the initial info to make the decision to send him there I'd been told there would be time to discuss everything in detail during the taster sessions).

Am I expecting too much that I thought I'd have time to go through DS's forms (which I'd spent 3 hours over to make sure I told them everything I could about my PFB!), that there would be a proper induction for ME, so that I'd know what he'd be doing on his days there and how they'd settle him, when they'd call me etc. - I know you get this info when looking into them, but once I'd made the decision and booked him in, I then thought I'd get more detailed info.

I couldn't face going back the next day, so agreed I would speak to the manager that eve, I rang her thinking I'd try again thurs & fri and was told fri only would be better. So I've left it that I'll call her to confirm whether i go fri or not. I can't face making the call, but don't know what else to do - I don't see how I can make a rational decision on another place at such short notice - as well as the fact that I'd planned the timings so we could get 4 short sessions in before starting full-time.

Be grateful for any thoughts on any aspect of what I've said, sorry again it's so long!

Sorry choolie, meant to add on there that if your nursery don't understand that, then perhaps they're not that great. Would talk to them and try and get a sense of whether they really are the best people to look after you lo - and check out other options

I wonder what is the average age of the people employed at your lo's nursery? We moved 10 miles away from ds1's nursery and looked in our new area. We found a lot of what you said in your op, bored staff huddled in corners not interacting with the children. We saw children having to sleep in cots in a doorway -we pulled the sliding door back and 'oh!' there's a baby in a cot trying to sleep -in broad daylight. We spoke to a manager at one nursery who couldn't inform us how they were addressing their appaling ofsted that pointed out serious weaknesess. -She just relpied that that was before her time and she couldn't answer. One nursery had all the toddlers upstairs with no apparent fire exit and Dh said how would they get them all out if there was a fire?

We ended up keeping him in the old nursery until he could go to a pre school.

Now with ds 2 we are faced with the same nurseries as before so once again, he is going back to the old nursery who are well organised, highly approachable, have staff with many years of experience and of varying ages and have children of their own. Once you find soemwhere you are comfortable with you will be happy to leave your lo. I really don't think this is the right place for you.

I just wanted to sympathise as I had my first taster session today with lo. I felt really comfortable with the staff and I think the children can pick up on how you react to people. He was a bit upset when I left the room but soon settled and the nursery nurse said he had done really well for his first session which reassured me. I think it was strange that you were called back after 5 minutes and you obviously don't feel happy with that particular nursery so my advice would be to look at other options definitely. Good luck and keep us all posted x

When I settled DS in we went in together for about 45 minutes to an hour the first time, then I left him for about an hour the second time, then gradually built that up (over the course of about two weeks, although they normally allowed one week and he would probably have been fine after one).

Telling you not to say goodbye is VERY weird behaviour -- every authority will tell you that it is very important to say goodbye so that they get the idea that when you say goodbye you will be coming back.

And they do sound very disorganised -- different staff contradicting each other on what they recommend. I'd have mental red flags running up about this place, TBH.