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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Baby given apple by mistake - how to handle

58 replies

mylovelymonster · 10/12/2007 14:55

I need a hug - this is going round in my head & driving me crazy so need to vent. My 11month DD is at nursery 3 mornings a week where she has lunch. Today I picked her up and she'd had a change of t-shirt so I asked if she'd been a bit sicky at lunch. One of the carers said she'd coughed up some flem, but when I got home and unwrapped her dirty shirt it was covered with bits of apple - about as big as a finger nail, part macerated with skin still attached. No wonder she'd coughed that up all over her - They generally give the little ones fruit purees only and I did specifically tell them to not give her hard finger foods. I've phoned the room leader and she has apologised but what else can/should I do?? I'm so worried that she will choke on something and apple is so hard - why was she given it? I think I need to calm down and give them until we go back in on Wednesday & see if they've found out what went wrong before I start thinking about not going back to work in January after all........Faith in childcare taken a battering but is this par for the course??

OP posts:

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LaCerbiatta · 10/12/2007 15:11

apple!!

BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 15:11

this may make me a careless mother but my pfb has been chomping on slices of apple since she was 5mo. She bites bits off with her gums (no teeth yet) and then spits them out.

I don't know but it sounds as if it is unusual for an 11mo not to be allowed whole apple which is maybe why the nursery screwed up. Still, if they think you are in the wrong with any of your requests they should be dicussing it with you rather than ignoring you. It does sound like a genuine error and if they don't make too many of them and are geninely apologetic then I'd leave it.

FWIW, I would be furious if anyone gave my DD pureed apple.

Original poster

mylovelymonster · 10/12/2007 15:12

Bless you Lyra, very much a PFB and we went through a lot of stuff before she came along hence my ultra anxiety levels. Have found the BLW blog site recently thru mumsnet and am picking up excellent tips on finger food and how to relax...........just hate the thought of not being there if she gets into trouble....golly she's a corker x

OP posts:

TenLordsaLapin · 10/12/2007 15:14

I think we are missing the point here though. If this had been "my daughter is at risk of a peanut allergy, and the nursery gave her peanuts", we'd have been going MENTAL. Or if it was something against MLM's religion, for example. Just because it's something that many of us consider relatively harmless is irrelevant.

If you ask a nursery not to feed your child something, they have an obligation to do as you ask, regardless of what they think.

RubySlippedonastraymincepie · 10/12/2007 15:21

i think nurseries have an obligation to ackowledge likes and dislikes as well as allergies

at DS's nursery we list these and they are updated regularly

FWIW, i understand the OP's POV

Original poster

mylovelymonster · 10/12/2007 15:22

Tugamommy - sadly I remember this story all too vividly. We're in North Herts. And if you're aware of something like this happening you're gonna be damn sure it doesn't happen to your child - well, try to anyway. It just bothered me that the carer wasn't straight with me when I picked her up - because we could have talked about it then.................I just get the feeling sometimes the right hand doesn't know what the left hand's doing, and I think I'll discuss it with them on Wednesday and see what they say.....

OP posts:

BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 15:27

I was trying to say what lapin said in my cack-handed way. I would be furious if dd was given pureed apple in the same way as you were furious at her dd being given whole apple, because the nursery would have ignored my wishes as a parent.

I think some of us were just trying to reassure you that the risk they had taken wasn't that great, even though it wasn't their decision to make. If they do think it's inappropriate to mash apple for an 11 mo than they should talk to you about it NOT ignore your instructions.

SpacePuppy · 10/12/2007 15:31

My ds is 2 and only just got the hang of eating and not choking on apple. So very reasonable to want the nursery to be cautious. Ds' gag reflex is to blame, and I suspect although he can eat toast, apple does not melt away and the bits makes him gag and choke.

bossybritches · 10/12/2007 15:40

Of course you are anxious you're her mother it's your job!

I agree with the others it's more a communication problem in that you'd asked them not to & they were covering up in a way as they didn't admit to it so maybe they had boobed? You are right to have a word it could have been an allergy thing as Lapin says so this could be a way of them improving their procedures/training re allergies.

SHEENA1 · 11/12/2007 20:42

My daughter was 10 months and was having bits of apple it helps them when teething and gets them used to different foods I know ur upset with the nursery but maybe they thought by her age she should be able to have it

JingleyJen · 11/12/2007 20:46

Like alot of the other ladies on here I gave DS's apple & other fingerfoods before 11 months.
In fact both DS's enjoyed the feeling of apple on their gums whilst teething.

Heated · 11/12/2007 20:59

IMO, it's about deciding where your parameters are. Nursery are bound to do things a bit differently.

It is quite likely if your dd is an inquisitive sort that she'll pick up and want to eat the food the others are eating, and gagging is all part of that learning process. She may start BLW without you!

With ds1 I used to rush and pat his back anxiously if he gagged, convinced it was down to my terrible spooning technique. With dd2 I wait to see if she's going red & her eyes water before I help her out!

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 11/12/2007 21:06

Yes 11 mos normally have whole apples, and yes it is a little odd for them only to get purees.

But this is a side issue, and I don't think it much matters really.

The real issue is that the nursery has not done what was agreed. Why not? Thats what you need to resolve. If its a slip up-these things happen. Nurseries rely on most babies needing very similar treatment, and if you do need more individualised care, I agree a nanny or CM is a much better option.

If they are actually agreeing to one thing and then disregarding your wishes, possibly because it is harder to feed one child different food to the rest, then that is a bigger problem. What would worry me a little here is that you weren't TOLD that she had had apple when you asked. Thats what I'd want to discuss.

Like I say, I don't actually think it matters much that she had a whole apple, its their handling of the matter that would concern me.

callmeoverchristmas · 11/12/2007 21:14

Just a note in support.... As I live very close to a family who lost their Child thanks to a choking on apple incident I have asked our Nursery not to feed DD apple. She eats it at home and is BLW fed but I am nervous about apple and raw carrot.

My Nursery once fed her tomato (which gives her a rash) by mistake. They phoned me immediately and told me what had happened. I recieved an investigation report and was reassured it would not happen again. Ask for the same from yours.

Mistakes happen but if you politely make a point of it I think you will find you can stop worrying.

Original poster

mylovelymonster · 11/12/2007 21:37

I'm just really out of touch with bringing dd on with her food types and time is going SO quickly - my friends children are older and their memories of finger food a little cloudy. She has finger food - chucks most of it on the floor - but I think bad experiences with weight charts and HVs (9th centile only, BF. I'm a dreadful mother () made me worry about her putting on weight so I've been concentrating on getting food inside her and her experimenting with food has gone by the wayside.
The thing is the nursery told me that their under-ones get pureed fruit, so I didn't think I was that way out. I was never given the impression that my request for her not to be given hard finger foods was at all unusual. What is a mum to do?

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littleducks · 11/12/2007 21:47

I think you are totally wrong about her not being ready to eat apples, however that is not my or the nurseries decision! They should be following your instructions even if they do not agree with you as that is what you are paying them for and trusting me to do.

I am not sure it is clear in the op, do you think they changed her shirt to hide the fact she had eaten apple or that was just the way you realised. If they are deliberately deceiving you that is noy on.

Psychobabble · 11/12/2007 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mylovelymonster · 11/12/2007 22:13

psycho - thanks. She has gnawed on apples I've had since she was 6months, but not had chunks yet, which is a bit different. I'm not sure what they gave her - just what was left of it! Oh well - will discuss tomorrow.
The water/drink issue is up there too - once I've seen her with a cup of water at lunch, but it was a non-spill thingy which the dc needs to suck at - and she's never had a bottle so doesn't really get it. I had to ask 4 or 5 times for them to give her a free-flow cup, and have left one in her bag in case they can't find one......but she still seems to be very dry on nursery days - nappy-wise - and if I go in while she's having her lunch I haven't seen a cup recently............... I can assure you I'm not their most bolshy parent.....yet
Anyone want to come in on starting a new 5* nursery?
The one we're at WAS independent but has recently been bought out by a chain (just before dd started) and I think the staff are not as content as they were. The local alternatives all seem the same.........

OP posts:

Mummywannabe · 13/12/2007 09:08

Just for clarification how long ago did you talk to them about the finger foods, if it was when your LO started at say 6 months then they propably assumed by 10mths it was fine. We always discuss these issues with parents prior to introducing foods etc but perhaps the time scale in between you asking and them giving explains the problem? Just a thought.

Original poster

mylovelymonster · 13/12/2007 16:02

She started nursery a few weeks ago

OP posts:

missgriss · 13/12/2007 16:14

I was like this with DS, very paranoid about him choking on food, everything was cut up into tiny pieces until he was 15 months.....DD (my neglected second born) was munching whole apples and such like at 11 months lol.

CaptainVimes · 13/12/2007 16:20

Could she have nabbed it? DS loves apples and will happily steal them whenever possible (and has never choked on one at 14 months)

Original poster

mylovelymonster · 13/12/2007 16:27

As far as I know the babies are clamped into chairs and (hopefully) supervised, but yes she could have pinched it - anything's possible.
At the moment, with pear slices, she will bite a bit off...then another bit...then some more.....and stuff the whole lot into her face before chewing and then gag..unless I keep a check on it. How long does this go on for do you reckon? Hoping to get her expert by the NY.

OP posts:

CaptainVimes · 13/12/2007 16:31

They're probably not in chairs all the time though - if another child had flung theirs away your DD could have grabbed it later and taken a few bites.

edam · 13/12/2007 16:34

Agree she's old enough to eat apple but also agree it is absolutely your decision and nursery should not disobey your instructions. Nor should they cover up or fail to reveal problems.

Being taken over by a big chain might be a concern - ds's nursery went downhill in a big way after that happened and I ended up having to take him out. Staff turnover rocketed.

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