Nursery options and dilemma

[Namechanger54782491]

Hi everyone. I’m posting because I could really do with a outsider opinion and I’m sure I’ll start driving my poor family mad if I keep asking theirs!

We have had to take my 3.5 year old son out of the nursery/preschool he was extremely settled and happy in. It was (i thought) and amazing nursery with fantastic facilities including a large outdoor space with lots to do. He loved it. The nursery is now temporarily closed and police are involved after a safeguarding allegation was made. Arrests have been made and he won’t be going back.

We are now looking for a new nursery for him so he can keep up with his preschool education and for my little girl when I go back to work.

It’s been very stressful because i needed a place with early start times for when I return to work and lots of places have very long waiting list, but we found 3 to visit. One I absolutely loved and my son loved, amazing rooms and absolutely lovely owner. This would be my first choice but on thinking more I realised during rush hour I would struggle to get to work on time from there.

Another seemed great on paper, has amazing facilities and is close to my work. But I got a bad feeling about it. Lots of talk about what they do ‘when’ children hit and i was there at pick up and saw two separate mums being told that they’d had to tell their children to use ‘kind hands’ again today. They have lots of activities, p.e lessons etc but it just didn’t feel right.

The last one is a private nursery but is attached to the school we think they will go to. It’s very small, quite a.nice homely feel and family owned with a very low turnover of staff. The biggest downside is the outside area is tiny, but from what the owner said they use it well. It doesn’t have amazing facilities and I didn’t feel ‘wow’ when I walked in. However, the owner was absolutely lovely. I felt really comfortable there. They help with transition to the main school really well, my son could do a few hours in the main school nursery whilst he’s there if we like. They also bring all the children together for snack time, so my son and my daughter could have snack together when she starts, which is quite sweet. I had a good feeling about it. But I want to give them the best and I’m worried it’s not enough with the outdoor area being so small (not enough room to ride bikes from what I could tell, but lots of water and sand play and planting flowers) and the facilities just not being ‘wow’. It was hard to properly see what it’s like up and running because we had to go when it was closed and there were no children.

I’d really appreciate any opinions on how that sounds. Sorry if it was very long, it’s been a really stressful time and I just want to make the right decision for my children

The third option sounds lovely - kids aren't worried about "flashy". Who needs a water play table when you've got a washing up bowl - they'll still learn the same things and have as much fun.
The second option is obviously no, if you've got concerns after a quick look round you're not going to be happy with DS going there.
The first option sounds fine but stressing every day about getting to work on time is going to make your whole life worse.

Everything sorry said. Or if you're dead-set on the first perhaps see if you can hire someone to get your kids there on time? But I'd go for the 3rd in your shoes.

Third option.

Nursery needs to be convenient to you, and kind for the children. All the “facilities” are icing on the cake.

My youngest dd went to a nursery more like the last one on your list.
She absolutely thrived. Lovely cook who turned out fabulous meals, kind staff who knew every child. They took the children out on walks every day. They would, for example, bake cakes but would take maybe 4 of them to the shop to buy ingredients, then bring them back and weigh it out etc.
She adored every day there. It was not as flashy or corporate but it suited her to a T. I kept her there and she started school at reception rather than early years.

Thank you SO much everyone. This is exactly what I needed to hear and I really appreciate it. That is so true about the washing up bowl @sorryiasked ! It’s my sons favourite thing to play with 😂

This is what I was hoping though, that actually flashy and amazing facilities looks great to me but makes no odds to the children as long as the staff are lovely and caring. Thank you so much everyone

My dd's nursery was in a portacabin on the grounds of a state secondary school but with a small garden. It was the best. I looked round a flashy local nursery but they had I-pads and kept mentioning ofsted, it really put me off. I just wanted my Dd to have fun and be cared for.

I wouldn't necessarily dismiss the second. Toddlers do hit, bite etc. It sounds as though your first hasn't been a hitter or a biter. Your second might be. Sometimes it seems to be down to luck rather than parenting. I would almost give them some credit for being open about a day to day issue and not keeping you away from overhearing the end of day feedback.
I've been fortunate that neither of mine were hitters or biters but would often get the "kind hands" comment about DD when she was about 2.5, generally when she and the girl who, 9 years later, is still her best friend had both wanted to play with the same favourite doll or by in the police car rather than one of the other cars and had resorted to snatching and pushing to resolve this.

The third sounds like the best fit for you. It sounds exactly like the pre school my DS attended and my DD will attend. I know you said you want "the best" but you got a nicer vibe and overall feel from the third so I'm really not under your dilemma it's a non brainer to me. Swanky facilities doesn't make somewhere better

Option 3.

All 3 of mine went to our local option 3; lots of people though I was nuts. I wasn’t. It’s been the best place ever and when my youngest leaves this summer to go to school I will genuinely miss it.

Kids don’t need flashy. But I reckon you know that. Embrace number 3

3rd option, and I wouldn't worry about how small the outdoor space is. It sounds perfect!

I would go with option 3 x

I’d go for number three. The people who work in a nursery are much more important than the actual facilities In my opinion (as long as they have the basics obviously). I would choose nice, kind staff over a flashy building and garden.

My son went to an expensive nursery with a large outdoor area, forest school and all the jazz. We ended up moving him to a nursery in a port cabin near the school he now attend. On paper the first looked so much better but reality he was so much happier at the second nursery. The staff absolutely made it.

Sorry to hear about what happened at his previous nursery. It must be stressful to search for childcare under those circumstances.

My daughter goes to a setting like your third one. Really not flashy, not a massive outside space, just good old fashioned loving care by the workers. All middle aged women who all have children, they are so loving and caring to the children, it is like a home away from home.

My daughter has thrived there, she absolutely loves it. She has been since 7 months old and leaves for school in September. Children don't need all the latest stuff and wow factor. They want nice children to play with and a caring nurturing environment.

Third option definitely. Trust your instincts about the people there - if you felt comfortable, there’s your answer. Preschool can only be as good as the staff. And it’s attached to his school - bonus.

Kind and caring and a gentle transition to school. Sounds perfect to me, especially after what sounds like a traumatic sudden loss of his previous place.

Smaller outdoor space can also make it easier to supervise outdoor play.

Plus, if you have a younger daughter too, just think how much easier it will be when she is in nursery and he is in school - you’ll still only have one location to get to for both of them.

Another vote for option 3!

Option 3. I am a childminder. Small house. You learn how to use the space. Definitely will help with trasition to school.

I wouldn't discount option 3. Different circumstances than yours but 2 of my children (so far) went to a pack up preschool in a church hall (nothing flashy at all!) and both thrived. My soon to be 2 year old will start there in September. Don't judge a book by it's cover and all that!

Option 3 without a doubt.

If the 3rd nursery is attached tonthe school nursery which is part of the school you hope they will attend, this seems the absolutely right choice, in terms of continuity and smooth transitions.

If he has opportunity to go into the school nursery also, then it sort of matters not about the outdoor size. As for bikes, surely that's something you would be facilitating at home anyway? So again, not something that should be the focus of your choices.

I'd syabthe 3rd sounds the bets for their emotional wellbeing, especially being able to have snacks with his sibling.

I work in a nursery similar to option3 (although we do have an area big enough for physical play it is far smaller than we would like and smaller than most other nurseries) parents say they choose us because of the care and relationships of the children and how well supported they with development etc. It sounds like you feel the same for option 3 nursery. Stressing about picking up on time isn’t good and ultimately if you’re not able to do it you will have to move nursery again in future which isn’t ideal. I would definitely go for option 3, it sounds like a good option for you

DS goes to a nursery without any outside space (it's also in a basement). He loves it and it's wonderful. They take the children out for walks most days - this week they've been to watch the trains, been to see the ducks on the canal, been to the park multiple times. There's nothing flashy about it but the children all have an amazing time and the staff are wonderful which is all I care about!

This is just so reassuring to read, thank you so much!! Quite overwhelmingly in favour of option 3! Thank you so much, I feel so much better. Option 3 was my instinct but I was very much double guessing myself, I feel like I can’t trust my instincts as much at the moment. Thanks everyone

Option 3, nurseries attached to schools (but private) tend to aid transition better and don't worry about space. My dd went to one just like this

OP ultimately you have to go with your gut, but having spent 10 years in Early Years settings and now and Early Years teacher in a school - the best you can give your child is the people. Number 3 sounds lovely (I understand your reaction with Number 2 but I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong for staff to have to gently tell parents their children are hitting, it’s how they deal with it at the point)

The flashiest and most beautifully equipped nursery I worked in was to be blunt, the worst in terms of people. Manager didn’t truly give a hoot but could do a great tour. It was a chain so behind the money for “the best” was a “too many chiefs and not enough indians” issue and a one size fits all children set of policies which staff couldn’t budge from.
Of course this doesn’t apply to every flashy nursery.

Quality not quantity. If the space is being used well and they have sand and water out and everything, great. Likewise resources. Duplo is still Duplo if it’s kept in a fancy basket or a plastic box. It’s sounds like the third has a lovely community atmosphere which will be more beneficial in the long run.

Staff turnover may be something to consider if you’re still mulling over it.

What’s also worth noting is that, for all the fancy things a nursery can have, many children will still play with the same thing day in day out.

Best of luck with your choice, I understand it’s such a hard one, especially after what’s happened at your previous nursery