18 month old getting into trouble at nursery

[stillsleeptraining]

We have a very affectionate, sociable and physical 18 month old, who understands a huge amount of language but is just starting to say a few words. He’s been at nursery since he was 11 months old (apart from lockdown) and has always really enjoyed it.

3 weeks ago we had a call from nursery saying that he’d tried to bite a carer and had pushed another child. We were devastated and talked to a play therapist, got the dolls out to reenact it and explain, bought books - everything we could.

But now we’ve had 3 more phone calls, an email exchange and a really negative daily report (just for him - they were scrapped for everyone else because of Covid) that lists his misdemeanours every day.

The nursery has an Outstanding Ofsted, a stable, positive workforce of carers of diverse ages who are all qualified - but the parent interaction has always been minimal and pretty rubbish. And now it’s miserable to have these communications - we’re feeling pretty browbeaten as there’s not much we can do and of course the last thing you want for your child is to feel like his carers think he’s a pain in the arse or at least “trouble”.

Has anyone else had experience of this kind of situation? Is it normal to complain about a toddler this young?

Any advice appreciated!

For me this behaviour sounds normal and I'd be a bit annoyed. Have you asked to speak to the manager, or the room manager at least? I'd be telling them you are concerned at just how negative they are being.

Completely different situation but DD took ages to settle at nursery (she was 9 months) and they kept calling her "extreme" and other helpful things. In the end I called the manager and said I didn't think nursery was for her given the feedback I was getting. She completely backtracked and the key workers became much more positive in the way they framed things.

I know of two 19 months old whose mums have had notes from their nurseries recently by the way, one is throwing mega tantrums and taking toys off other kids and the other has bitten other babies a couple of times. Both are lovely toddlers.

It's fairly common. I've noticed it can be bright children who haven't yet got their language skills for speaking tend to be the ones who bite and it seems to be triggered by frustration in not being able to express themselves in the way they want.

Other reasons seem to be a fascination by all the noise and fuss that occurs when someone is bitten and exploring the cause and effect of things.

Ignoring the biter and giving lots of attention to the injured child seems to work better than getting annoyed at the biter. It does just generally stop though after a while, often without anything obvious changing except they have grown up a bit.

If the child is a SEN child with something such as autism they may be biting for sensory reasons rather than out of frustration.

I don't think it's normal. Kids bite and do other things till even the age of 4. There was a child in my sisters nursery who bit her and hit other kids. They told her parents, told her off and had parents deal with it. The nursery should be more supportive and keep an eye on your child. Why are they behaving like that in nursery? Is something bothering them? Outstanding or not. They seem inadequate. Negative reports everyday? That doesn't seem right. I'd move him. Kids at that age do go through the biting stage if they're frustrated etc. Do they not know that? I would hate for staff who are supposed to be professionals working with children treat my child like that. Either move him or have a word with them.

I wonder if it is the same child he is biting? Maybe the other parent has complained? Children do bite at that age there is usually an underlying cause that can often easily be resolved. It could be frustration, or being overwhelmed, or their may be other development issues that need addressing.