Nursery - is this normal?

[absolutehush]

Help please!

I have one DD who has just started nursery and I'm feeling very unsure. I'd like to know if we're being a bit PFB or whether the nursery is being a bit substandard.

DD is 11 months old for reference and this is her third week at nursery.

We've had a few issues with naps etc, but we've spoken to them and they are mostly resolved. I have two other major concerns -

1. Security: access to the nursery is via a bell/door. Normally the receptionist lets you in and then you go to collect your child. There is no sign out process. At all. They just visually check you're someone they recognise. The nursery uses an app and this is nearly always inaccurate re pick up - for example, today, my daughter was signed out of nursery nearly two hours after I collected her (and 20 mins after it closed). Additionally today, the receptionist was on the phone and a mother mum just let me in. She never even saw me! I waved at her to get her attention so she knew I was there. Surely, that can't be good?

1. DD is a bad eater. Slooooooooow. And finger foods only. But she will eat if given a chance. The food isn't very 'friendly' for her, lots of things that are spoon fed (which she just refuses!!) and no real finger foods. So she's basically not eating all day. Mostly she just eats the puddings or fruit. By the end of the day she is starving, miserable and upset. I've spoken to them and asked if they could try to encourage her but it's not really improved. Today she ate weetabix, jelly and pineapple slices. In about 11 hours. Should they/we be doing something different? Advice please!

Thank you all

But almost every food can be finger food. Our lunches never require cutlery - veg sticks, sandwiches, pasta, fishfingers, peas and beans, cheese on toast, roast chicken and potatoes with veg, spaghetti bolognaise ... All easily eatable with hands. So yes, I do find it weird if they're serving stuff that can only be eaten with a spoon.

I'm sorry you are feeling uncomfortable with nursery OP, it's hard leaving your child even when you are 100% comfortable nevermind when your concerned.

Re the food. When my eldest started nursery at 11 months, she was fully baby led weaned so had never been spoon fed. The baby room food was a mixture of spoon food and finger foods. They gave her the food for the older children, pasta bake, roast dinner etc and she got on with it. I did tell them she took ages to eat and I told them the signs for her having enough. They did give her extra time to eat with my reassurance.

Re the signing out.
My nursery has a similar entry system. They only let you in if they know you. There was a new starter once who didn't recognise me so she wouldn't let me in! (She did go and get someone and didn't just leave me standing there!!)we are not allowed to let other parents in on the way out, under any circumstances.
We have a handover and let ourselves out of the main door. I wouldn't be so bothered about the sign out times, however in light of the way another parent let you in , I would say it's indicative of lax procedures and needs highlighting.

As others have said, have a meeting and air your concerns. I love my nursery and am very happy with them, however I have had one or two meetings in my time when I've been unhappy with aspects of my children's care.

Thank you everyone, you've really put my mind at rest and given me the confidence to ask nursery for help with the food situation.

I also feel much better about the security thing!

It's just really hard when you don't have any experience. I want to be reasonable and a helpful parent but need to make sure DD is also ok.

It is a legal requirement that accurate arrival and departure time are kept as part of safeguarding...you dont have to sign out they can do it....but its concerning they do an online system that is wrong....I'd complain..if there were a fire for example lives could be at risk looking for a child who has left.

@jannier is it? I didn't know that! Makes sense. It just bothered me from the perspective that if something awful happened, and a baby was taken they wouldn't know when!

What kind of foods do they do?

The babies usually have the same as the older children except cut up more . They are given spoons but usually use their fingers until they can manage a spoon, adults help as needed. I’ve not known any babies have a problem with this when they are old enough to sit up and self feed with their fingers.

You can support baby learning to use a spoon by allowing them to use their hands and get dirty most naturally start to try a spoon as they see others using them. They can be put off of trying if continually wiped or forced to hold a spoon.

Hi op, I'm glad you're feeling a little better. Our DS started nursery at 12months and has now been there 2 months. I'm a FTM so was worried as he's not the best eater but he's been doing really well. They give him time to eat and a mixture of finger food and spoon fed. He eats better as he copies the other children around the table so there's a chance your dd will see the others and want to copy.

Our nursery only supplies food for over 1 year olds so I'd agree it could be worth offering to make a pack lunch, hassle I know but hopefully it would only be for another month or two?

Do they offer snacks there? Ours provide so much food it's crazy and the snacks are always finger food like cherry tomatoes, breadsticks, crackers, cheese etc.

Also maybe try at home on weekends to offer a preloaded spoon with no pressure. Fun aeroplane sounds or something? Stuff like yogurt that has to be on a spoon?

Personally I'd stick with the nursery as settling in is hard, and at about a year they can get separation anxiety which might make a new nursery a bit harder but def not impossible if things don't improve.

I hope you can have a good chat with them and things improve x

Maybe I was just odd
but my own children and the 'minded' children were given a spoon (and child friendly knives and forks as they got older) to hold/use, as soon as we started weaning ie sitting up in the high chair..
Is this frowned upon now? Confused

Our nursery has a similar system for the front door, but no one would get in our out of the actual rooms without staff noticing so it doesn't bother me.

Maybe ask about the time on the app. If that's just the time they got around to updating the app but there was an accurate record in the room it wouldn't bother me.

The food sounds normal enough, although at that age ours would give toast or similar if they didn't eat anything so you could ask about that.

I think there's a lot to be said for gut feeling. But probably also easily confused with nerves when settling!

As others have said- none of the nurseries we looked at had sign out procedures (and I happen to like that out nursery is one of the few in our city that doesn't use an app and relies on personal interaction and paper records!) However we get a detailed verbal handover each day and we are reassured by how seriously the nursery takes security. If a member of staff answering the door doesn't recognise you then they ask you to wait outside while they close the door again and get a manager or another member of staff who knows you. There are also large signs inside saying that parents should never answer the door even if they know the person on the other side, only staff to do so.

Re: food I agree that ideally they should be tailoring to your daughter a little more, our nursery at that age had the option of pureed or finger foods. My only extra thought was that at 11 months most of her calories should come from milk still. Our DS was very slow to come around to eating food and was mainly milk based until about 18 months!

If you're not settled with how the nursery feels then maybe look out for others for the longer term. We actually signed our DS up to a more local nursery but serveral things before his start date made us feel uneasy so we cancelled our place to send him to a nursery that's 5 mins in the wrong direction and over £1000pa more expensive in comparison (which is a bit of a killer!) but we don't regret doing it.

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has commented, I've found it super helpful.

For those that are wondering, DD does get given a spoon where it's an option (I.e yoghurt) and she's allowed to get very messy. Dinner is often conducted naked to reduce washing as she has a bath most evenings! She chooses, when a spoon is offered, to use her hands. Ever seen baked beans, eaten one by one??? So slow!

We have spoken to nursery and asked them to do a couple of things:

• not put all the food out in front of her at once. She eats more when she's not overwhelmed by the volume/amount
• give her more time overall - it won't always be possible but they will try
• agreed to offer toast or cereal 🥣 f she eats nothing of a meal

I will also be sending in some snacks (breadsticks, pasta, oranges, fruit etc) as well

OP is stay put if you like the key worker. you might find you have the same issues if you move. I have two DC at a nursery on the outskirts of sw London ( bright horizons ). In terms of security other parents do hold the door open for each other. Picking up is just a 1 to 1 handover in the room with someone the staff recognise. They wouldn't allow the child to leave with someone they didn't know.

In terms of food, the menu sounds similar (including soup!). My DS2 will not be spoon fed but will try to use a spoon himself!

My DS1 ate hardly anything for the first few months he was there - basically puddings only! We resorted to asking them to give him extra milk for a while just to top up the calories, as we didn't really have any other options - the menu is the menu! They both eat very well now, it just took them each a few months to get used to the menu.

The biggest thing I have learned about starting baby I'm nursery is speak to them. Don't worry about thinking you're being silly. Voice your concerns. From that you'll know.. they will either put you at ease and you'll notice a difference or well.. you'll know from the response you get.

Definitely speak to them before pulling little one out though. I was close to with mine, even went to other nurseries and 90% made up my mind. But as soon as I spoke to them.. the response was great and more importantly in as little as two weeks I couldn't honestly be happier. Complete 360.