Male worker in nursery

[Needadviceplz]

I'm prepared to be flamed for this but here goes..

There's a worker in my childs nursery who makes me uncomfortable and I'm not alone in feeling this as know others who think he is very unusual and creepy. Don't want to give details as will be outing.

I'm a survivor of abuse and I know this is partly to blame if not entirely for my feelings although I've seen other male workers there that I don't make me feel comfortable.

My child has changed rooms recently so when I went to pick her up she was alone in a room with just him and it just triggered something inside me and I couldn't stop crying when I got home as I also think he done her nappy too and realised I really wasn't okay with this.

I know this is my issue but I really can't help how I feel he gives me the creeps and I have this horrible gut feeling about him but I don't know what to do as I know its 2020 and people shouldn't have to deal with discrimination in the work place and that he would of had all the checks done but that didn't protect me when I was younger so that doesn't reassure me.

I'm looking for advice from nursery workers or anyone else that's been in this situation.
I feel like I'll just have to take her out as it really was an intense reaction on my part and not something I know how to resolve right now.

Sorry op to hijack your thread but I'm curious about nursery workers not being allowed alone with a child. I'm a childminder and spend all day alone with my charges (as do nannies) so what's the difference?

They are allowed but there is Ofsted guidance on lone working. I think this is dofferent for CM as obviously your situation is dfferent but as a c you should know about lone working policies.

Remove her, it doesn’t matter if you are right or wrong. It is worth removing her to eliminate any risk your gut is pointing you towards.

Your history of abuse might heighten your senses but I don’t think they’re the ONLy reason you feel triggered.

I would remove her. I wouldn’t make a fuss. But you are the parent and so don’t get used to suppressing your senses

There are a lot of misconceptions about the "rules" around lone working - in my experience it is quite common for staff to be alone with a single child or group of children in all kinds of scenarios. For example - everyone playing outside and one child needing to come in to the toilet or to be changed.

Nappy changing and toileting arrangements need to give the child some privacy so certainly shouldn't be on full view of everyone/parents!

Saying that OP - I would never leave my child with anyone I didn't feel comfortable with.

You should find a different childcare setting.

Not necessarily because your instincts are right but because you are not comfortable as it stands. It doesn't matter what the reason is but if you are having misgivings about your child's security/comfort/safety/happiness at nursery then it's time to move because it's no good for you or for your DC for you to be so uncomfortable with it.

I had niggles about DD's nursery and finally moved her. Best decision I could have made because now when I drop her off in the morning I feel confident that she is going to be as happy as she can be away from me and that the setting is good for her, whereas she seemed stressed at the old nursery.

Problem is, you can never guarantee a nursery won’t hire a male.. our nursery hired a male practitioner for our daughters room in October. I have zero issue with males in nursery, in fact I’m all for it as an ex-nursery teacher myself. I think it’s wonderful for young kids to see men doing a caring role, especially boys. I’m overjoyed my daughter gets to have that experience. And she loves him. He does mini discos with them & it’s her absolute fav thing ever! That said, he’s as far from creepy as you get. He’s young, a bit geeky & always smiling!

Our nursery is open plan but the toilets are obviously kinda off in a separate area. Nursery seem to have a rota of one member of staff hovering around the toilet to assist the kids as they come & go. It’s certainly not two of them. One member of staff will also take a group of children to the nursery library.. I’ve never actually considered it only being one adult.. our nursery was ofsteded as outstanding last year & notes as an exemplary nursery for others to aspire to be.. so they can’t be doing too much wrong?!

I’m so sorry you were abused OP. It must be incredibly hard to be trusting. If you aren’t happy, your gona have to move her. But bear in mind there are no guarantees males won’t appear again.. throughout education..

I would say, please don’t accuse the poor male worker of anything without substantial evidence. It’s 99% likely he’s just trying to do his job..

Great response but we are now 5 years later after a big campaign to get more men in settings. Last week alone a guy targeted becoming a nursery worker to rape and take photos of little boys. Why are these men drawn to the role. Odd.