2 years old and havent sent to nursery yet. is it bad?

[Honeyjo87]

Hi all, I got a 2 year old who is very active and good with people. Both me and my husband share the childcare, so we never had to sent her to nursery. She is very good with interacting with people and it takes less time for her to adjust with any new environment. I also noticed at one time she was playing with a couple of kids who are elder than her and one of them took the toy she was playing with but she didn't even bother that its been snatched from her hand and continue playing with another toy. She was even giving her other toy to this kid. She is either with myself or my husband all day. we don't have any family or friends nearby and the days I am free, there are no kids classes anywhere near us. so I am worried if her social skills will be affected if we don't sent her to nursery, or will she be ok? TIA xx

Just to add to the above thread, we read with her, sing songs with her etc. She is good with alphabets, she can count till 50, say words in her books, recognize pictures and sing nursery rhymes. She haven't started saying sentences yet. I'm only worried kids her age might be more advance in talking.

She will learn her social skills from watching you OP at this age. If you are worried, you could maybe sign her up for pre-school for 2 or 3 mornings a week when she's 3 but you sound fine as you are.

That's no criticism of anyone who does send their child to nursery though.

She’ll be fine - it’s no better or worse to send/not send so just decide what you want to do.

Mine didn’t go to nursery until the preschool year when they were 3. Both enjoyed it and then settled into school very well, no problems socially at all. I do think preschool is helpful as a stepping stone to school so might be worth considering. Mine only did mornings and then were home with me in the afternoons, it helped with the transition for me as well!

There’s nothing wrong with her not going to nursery; surely a lot of activities you’d be doing out of house there ends up being kids there? Like at the park or soft play centres or days out? She’d then get her interaction and social skills developing

Just seen your comment about speech. Talking point have this to say about speech at this age. It you look at the bottom, there are some progress checkers.

If after reading that you think there is still an issue, you can usually self refer to Speech & Language Therapy.

My dn is 13. He’s never been to nursery or school. He’s a very bright, sociable and kind lad who mixes well , has friends round and is also capable of thinking for himself. He is also a typical young teen who will argue with his parents and hates visiting anyone without WiFi.
You sound like you’re doing a good job.

Do you plan to send her when she has the free hours from the government?

I think nursery is good before school to socialise them and get them ready for being away from both of you for prolonged periods of time.

There is plenty of time before that though, so do want makes you happy.

I would be slightly concerned that she didn’t protest at all when another child snatched a toy from her hand and that she then gave the same child another toy. Most children her age would have made a fuss and that’s when you start to talk to them about sharing.

So if she’s spending most of her time with adults, I would expect her to struggle to settle in a nursery class to begin with. Nothing to be overly worried about though. And you could always take her to playgroups if you don’t want her in nursery this young. Unless you live in an exceptionally remote area, there will be a group of some sort you can take her to.

When we have parents in for our starting school sessions, I always tell them if their child can dress themselves, know when they need the toilet, ask someone if they need help with anything and share with other children, we’ll take care of all the rest (in the school setting, that is).

Of course it's not bad.

Children living in any kind of deprivation benefit from early placement in good childcare but there's no benefit to most children at all to nursery before the age of 3 beyond that which an engaged, fairly well educated parent with reasonable resources (not just toys and books but time, a comfortable home, enough space, good enough mental and physical health to meet the child's needs, a social network of people for the child to engage with, good language skills, confidence, energy) provides.

A good nursery or childminder is as good as a good sahp, no better. A poor nursery or childminder is worse.

After age 3 there are socialisation and school readiness advantages to at least some time at nursery. You can meet those needs without nursery of course but if that's a deliberate choice it's a good idea to do it consciously and consistently by involving the child in regular larger group activities such as sport, dance, music or art classes etc and getting used to other caregivers.

On the subject of speech in children under 3, a group setting is not the most advantageous with that. Children learn language best from an adult who has frequent conversations with them about everything, and models conversational turn taking, correct grammar and a good vocabulary (doesn't actually matter in which language).

You dont need a nursery. Children need someone who talks to them and gives experiences (messy play, chance to explore, to try things for themselves) meeting other children....toddler groups, library story times, childrens centres, where they share toys and games take turns etc....not just soft play where play is limited. Most towns have things like this and there very cheap or even free.
Its unusual they she didn't react to having toys taken from her I'd be supporting her in this as while you dont want a child who wont share you dont want one who loses out to bolder children all the time either.

Of course she will be ok OP, don’t worry. Personally I think it’s important for children to experience a nursery environment as I think it prepares them for school, helps with social skills, but that’s just my view and everyone feels differently. She will be fine either way

Another parent who didn't send either of her children to nursery until age 3 and to the pre-school attached to their primary.

Eldest was already gregarious and just fit right in. Youngest was very people wary but still settled beautifully in school with no tears or tantrums. She's absolutely thriving now on the cups of proper primary school (age 7).

You're doing fine as you are. Don't worry about using nurseries unless you need to for childcare.

I’ve never understood why people think nursery, or school for that matter, is a great aid when learning to socialise. It’s far better to learn in the real world with a diverse range of people and experiences than in what is essentially a same-age 'ghetto'.

@itsaboojum where else do you go that provides the consistency of interaction with multiple children under adult supervision? Of course it’s not perfect, but ....

@Strongmummy

.... toddler groups, library, softplay, socatots, gym classes, dance class, riding school, local cricket club, community centre, church, children’s centre, local community events, family get-togethers.......

Most the children I’ve cared for will socialise with just about any child, anywhere. They’ll play happily together, talk, and develop all manner of skills with a child they’ve just met for the first time in the park: that is, they will if the adults don’t get in the way.

Nurseries and schools put undue limitations on the type of socialisation children get to experience.

@itsaboojum but 1) most classes last for an hour max 2) most kids who go to nursery do all these other things too 3) why would you get a more diverse set of kids at any of the options you’ve mentioned? My point is nursery and school provide a sustained and consistent level of interaction required to develop social skills

I think it's a good thing. Personally I dont think nursery makes any difference to social skills before the age of 3. I certainly dont see any difference in mine and my friends children between those who do and dont attend - probably because at the age of 2 they dont really "play" with other kids anyway. I also believe that having one to one attention from an adult is more beneficial than socialising with other children at that age.

It sounds like you've given your child a great head start!

My DD is starting preschool just before she turns 3. It's only a few hours a week, cheaper than nursery and will be free next term. Preschool is a good option if you dont want to go for full days of nursery.

@Strongmummy

Everything you’re saying is about children relating to other children. But that isn’t true socialisation. Especially so when it’s limited to the same small set of children, day on day, week on week.

Thank you everyone. This really saves me from guilt..

@itsaboojum can you elaborate? In my mind relating to peers , growing and developing relationships, dealing with conflict, making friends is a fundamental part of socialisation. In nursery and school you interact with kids of all ages and adults. At a soft play , class you don’t get that opportunity as it’s transient

The free yearly years provision generally starts aged 3 (except for in some circumstances). Unless you can afford to pay for a nursery place before this, or have to for work, many people don’t send their toddlers before 3. I have one child who started at nursery at 18m for day care. One who started at 2y9m and one who started at 3. The one who started at 3 was the only one who was really emotionally or practically ready. He settled with very little fuss. Prior to starting he went to the occasional toddler group.

I took my girl to Stay and Play groups and singing at the library until she started the nursery class at primary school age 3. We never went to 'classes'. There must be some groups in your area to go to. I can't imagine there isn't any.
However just being out and about socialising in the 'world' is good. Handing something to the sales assistant in the shop to pay, saying Thank You to the bus driver etc. Even when there isn't a singing group going on at my library there is usually a few toddlers there so you can get interaction while looking at books. People are everywhere so just interact with them.

I also would like to add about her behavior with the sharing toy I mentioned above. She always shares her stuff, be that a toy, sweets, food, anything she got in her hand, if we ask to share, she always give it to us, even if its her favorite thing, like chocolate or sweets. If she sees something in someone else hands and she needs it she will politely wait till they give it to her. She wont complain even if she doesn't get it. She is like that since shes a baby.