Opinions on Working Hours

[RaeCJ82]

I would really appreciate people's opinions on my situation re childcare.
I currently work 30 hours over 4 days on two shifts patterns, 08:30-17:00 and 08:45-17:15. My OH drops off our DD at nursery at 8 and I pick her up after I finish work. It takes me half an hour to get to her nursery and we often aren't home till 6.15pm.
DD has a full time nursery place and due to our circumstances we don't have anybody around us who can look after our daughter/babysit, so currently my day off is my only chance to go to appointments/clean/do the shopping etc child free. I realise though that these are long days for our DD at nursery. Just to add, I do pick her up early on my day off.
I'm thinking to change my hours to 6 hours a day over 5 days so that I can pick up DD early every day and she can have tea at home and have a bit more time with me on a daily basis but not sure if this is the way to go. What do people think please? I really could do with opinions on this. Thanks

I do a week on the first shift and then a week on the second.
The extra cost of travel for the 5th day isn't really a problem.

The shift times are hardly different, what’s the point?

Depends how flexible your work is and whether you can keep swapping your hours around. I initially did 3 long days at work but then changed to spread over 4 days. it worked better for us as DS started to get tired at nursery as he got older and wasn't napping in the middle of day. I changed my hours again when DS started school as didn't get after school provision on days I needed. So this means I am either at work or looking after DS but the plus side is that work is prepared to be a bit flexible because it is easy for me to vary my part time hours if necessary for e.g. to accommodate an appointment

You haven’t answered if you always work the same days. If your contract is you work Mon-Thursday and your work sometimes asks you to work Friday, then you could put her down to 4 days at nursery and just say no to swapping your days if nursery has no availability on that day.
If it’s part of your contract that you have to work whatever 4 days they tell you, then it makes more sense and I would probably do 5 short days instead.

You keep saying you have her in for your day off because you’ve got no family around to help, this is the case for a lot of people. I have 2 preschoolers and an infant school age child and have no local family - they come with me to run errands and go to appointments. If it’s something I genuinely can’t take kids to I either book it for my work day and take the time off or my husband books time off and has them - i would think my situation is fairly representative of a lot of families

Nope shift times are hardly different but I have changed my hours on the second shift already as the time that everyone else finishes doesn't allow me time to get to nursery before 6pm. I still need to swap between the shifts with the rest of the team though.
I work the same days every week.
To be honest I'm not going to reduce the nursery days to 4 days. It is my day to have a break if I need it and I do need it for my mental health. My DM died unexpectedly five years ago and my DF has dementia. I've found motherhood quite difficult in the midst of all this and don't have grandparents on my partners side to offer support. That is what it is.

Hi we are in a similar situation. I work 4 longer days a week, and on the 5th day I put DC in nursery for up to half a day and spend the other half with them. On that half day when they are in nursery we have a leisurely start to the day together, have breakfast together etc and slowly walk to nursery without the usual rush. I then exercise, which I need for my own mental health, and then I come home shower and then collect DC from nursery. We then have the rest of the day together.

Occasionally I put them in nursery for the whole day but only when it is necessary if I have an appointment or something and that is rare. We therefore need to pay for 5 full days.

It works well. I've let go of any guilt. That half day is my only chance to exercise and I need it to feel human.

To be honest I'm not going to reduce the nursery days to 4 days

So you’re not that bothered about her spending more time at home? How old is she? I genuinely think it’s such a shame you’re missing out on that time. They’re little for such a short period of time.

Anyway, you’ve probably posted in the wrong section, this isn’t about childcare at all.

Well if you don’t want to reduce her days to 4 days a week then I would reduce your hours so you can pick her up early. But surely that’s going to take your break away? If you’re saying you need that day for yourself, how will you manage working 5 days and not having that day off?

I think it’s actually really important for kids to go along with adults when they do things that need doing. They learn that things that aren’t all that exciting still need doing. I know you say you’ve struggled with parenthood but I think you’re probably missing out on what can be the fun bit by not having that day with her - on my days off I take mine trampolining, to the park, to forest school, swimming, soft play. It’s when we fit all of the relaxed, not rushing around, having fun time in.

Just a thought, but could you do drop off in the mornings before work instead of your partner? That would free your partner up to get into work early then he could leave early, and he could do collection? That way she would be getting home earlier and you'd still be doing 4 days?

Also I think you are getting a hard time on here with some of these replies. I do wonder if some posters saying you are missing out by not taking DC with you to the dentist etc have not experienced life with small children and literally no support system.

Many people can use grandparents, aunts, cousins etc to watch DC for an hour here or there to let mum go to the dentist, to the hairdressers, to zip round the supermarket quickly without DC in tow. If you literally have no one, then having the option of using nursery for even a short amount of time on your day off is a god-send. Taking a young kids that can't sit still to your smear test is no fun, from them or for you.

Also, I wonder if your husband is feeling guilty about his working hours and the amount of daycare you are using? I assume he works full time and is happily guilt free? I wonder if anyone comments to him about how he is missing out and should be taking the DC with him when he goes to the dentist or for his prostate exam?

Surely all shorter days will achieve is you not being able to get things done. I work "short days" as a teacher. By that I mean if I need to leave at 3.30pm I can. But it's difficult to get appointments etc that fit in that time before nursery pick up.

It is my day to have a break if I need it and I do need it for my mental health

But if you work 5 days a week you won't get this break so won't that be worse?

It's not crazy to pay for the five days when you work 4. The difference at our local nursery was about 50 quid a month.
It's tough. I did 4 long days but with Wednesday's off and had dd at home on that day so she was always only in nursery for 2 days before a break.

op To be honest I'm not going to reduce the nursery days to 4 days

So you’re not that bothered about her spending more time at home? How old is she? I genuinely think it’s such a shame you’re missing out on that time. They’re little for such a short period of time
I have to agree with this to be honest.

So I would reduce my hours and see her, it doesn't sound like you get any time at all with her really on your working days and they are only young for such amount of time.
How old is she

It is my day to have a break if I need it and I do need it for my mental health

What are you having a break from, you would be getting a break from work and you don't spend enough time time through the week with your daughter to need a break from her.

I agree with buzzhealth
It must be so hard for you
It will get so much easier when your LO doesn’t need such a scheduled bedtime routine though
It would be good if you could ask your work for a trial period?
Ask if you can try the shorter hours
I think it would be nice to pick up at 315 as you’ll have so much more of a relaxed afternoon every day and it won’t be such a long day for your child plus they’ll see you for more quality time each day
Could your husband agree to help you when you have appointments?
Could you find a friend to look after your child when you need a doctor appointment?
Ask for help
I have to as I’m so often Ill
I have no family nearby and rely on a few friends quite abit
I used to hate asking for help but realised there’s nothing else I can do
You’re doing well!

If you want to stick to 4 days, could you change your days so you have Wednesday off? That way it's only 2 long, busy days at a time before both you and she get a break.

You don’t say how old your DD is. But if she’s under 3, she’s probably spending a couple of hours napping at nursery anyway.
Good for you for recognising what you need for your mental health. I would stick to the four days at work if I were you.

Thank you for your replies and thanks to those who are understanding of our situation.
DD is 2.5. I'm currently off on Wednesday's. OH can't do pick ups unfortunately, as he isn't able to leave work early and it takes him 45-50 minutes to get to DD's nursery.
It's slightly harsh I think to say I'm missing out on my daughter. We have weekends together and most Wednesday afternoons. Annual leave days are also spent together as a family, unless my partner and I choose to plan something just the two of us. We haven't had an evening out just the two of us since DD was born because of not having any support (or anyone willing to provide the support) around us. I am still my own person as well as a mother, so don't think it's that unreasonable to want a bit of time to myself.
Paying for 5 days a week at nursery reduces the daily rate, so it doesn't work out much more than paying for 4 days a week. It makes sense for us to have that option there, even if we don't use the full day on Wednesday every week.

Another one saying Look at starting early and finishing early and keeping over 4 days, or a nursery closer to work, or a job closer to home. I returned to work just before DS was 7 months, he’s almost 2 now, and manage to work ft hours over 4 days, and keep him with me on a Friday (my none working day) so I’m failing to see how doing normal length days is such a problem. I love our fridays together and wouldn’t give it up for anything, in a few short years he will be at school and it won’t be an option. We also don’t have family available to help in an emergency, but that’s where carers leave/annual leave is used.

As a nursery worker I would do shorter days. We always feel so sorry for the children who are in from opening to closing time, it's such a long day and they are only little.

I'm unable to deviate from the working hours I have set at the moment. If I was able to move to 5 working days then these would also have to be within the set working hours.

If you work short days you will lose that time to yourself that you are currently prioritising.

We have no family support at all and have 2 children. In the 5 years since my daughter has been here no family have ever looked after either child. I still chose to have my children at home on my day off work. There aren't that many drs or dentist appointments (certainly not weekly).

I got down time when they were at nursery by taking annual leave days occasionally (but can't do that now as need all the annual leave for school holidays!)

Good for you NerrSnerr. You're obviously a better mum and person than I am. I, however, choose to have some time for myself. Shoot me hey...!

I wasn't commenting on being a better parent. Your OP read like your daughter has to be in nursery because you don't have any family support which isn't the case. You were also saying you'd like to spend more time with her and the obvious thing to do would be to have her home on your day off.

It's a question of having time for yourselves vs spending more time with your child. Only you can make that decision.