DD bit another child

[istolethisusernametoo]

I went to pick up DD today from nursery and I was greeted with "she bit another child!" and then they just stared at me. I didn't know what to say! Of course I asked if the other child was ok and I feel awful but she's 15 months old. She doesn't understand and I can't tell her off when I pick her up. I don't know what else they expected me to say. They said it wasn't a hard bite but they think she 'made contact'. They have a lot of new babies at the moment that are upset and very unsettled all day so the quieter ones naturally get less attention. We put a variety of teething toys and pain relief in her nursery bag so I'm not sure what else we can do. Has anyone dealt with a child that bites? I'm not sure how to deal with something that's happening when I'm not there to address it at the time.

My DS bit another child at nursery and their mother told me I was lucky as her husband wanted to call the police. I had been mortified at the time but her response really irritated me. I retorted with " So it is OK for a grown man to throw a tantrum but not a toddler?".

Our nursery separated them, which on reflection was best.

DD1 was once badly bitten, on reflection being the parent of the victim is so much easier than being the parent of a biter. The guilt!!!

Ds1 was bitten by a particular child at nursery. Think there was an element of jealousy as my son had been there a while and the staff doted on him.
It happened several times and the staff were apologetic that they weren't able to prevent it. The other mother was mortified and eventually took her child back to previous nursery as he'd never bitten anyone there.
My son then became a biter and I had the other side to contend with.
I had meetings with the staff where they explained the strategies they were using and to make sure we were on the same page and eventually he stopped/grew out of it.
It was definitely a partnership and they were doing most of the work as they were the ones on the scene when it happened.

Ah, my DC1 was bitten a few times at nursery at that age, always by the same child. Kids are now 7 - we caught up a few weeks ago actually and laughed about it! I think she mainly did it due to feeling he was too much in her personal space, which tbh I was sympathetic towards.

These things just happen (I’d have expected the nursery to tell you that, rather than staring...), and so far for you it’s only been a one-off. The majority of bitten children’s parents will understand that, at this age. As for the handful who don’t, I hope their next child is a biter.

@littlestrawby
No need to get over the top in analysing a one off bite.

3 bites in 2 weeks actually if you read my first post

DD went to a nursery where one child used to bite a lot. It wasn't malicious and she grew out of it - with appropriate guidance from staff and her parents
But while it was happening the staff had to keep a closer eye on her. They quite often popped her into a walker or toy that you sat in to play so she couldn't bite while she was playing.

What I'm saying is the nursery need to be proactive in dealing with this phase until it passed.

@Lazypuppy I was referring to the one bite of the OP's DD

The Nursery needs to react when it happens - remove the child, a stern 'no!' or whatever, but by the time the OP arrived to pick her up the child would have forgotten all about the incident so there's not much she can do at that point.

I'm so interested in this topic, my LB has been bitten quite badly recently, twice in one day on one occasion and about 5 times in the last few weeks and it's making him slightly more nervous with nursery and upset.

I'm interested to know how most nurseries deal with it, I don't blame the child that bit him, I'm fairly sure parents aren't teaching him/her to bite at home and it could so easily be my child doing the biting and if I'm honest I'm not sure how I would stop a baby who can't talk doing it ! It's due to frustration because they can't talk and they are babies.

But the nursery has a duty of care to both children involved to deal with this in the best way, what is the best way to help both sides though?

Hi - it's difficult isn't it when you don't feel supported or put on the spot by staff either at school or nursery. Yes of course some children go through this stage just like some do go through the phase of pushing ect. I do agree with @lazypuppy that they will want to identify if this is a one off, or if this is something your child will fall back on. Just the same way as even though pushing is normal as a parent or staff member it is also good practice to see if there is a pattern to the behaviour, i.e sharing issues or tiredness. That way at times the behaviour can be avoided or pre- empted and therefore diminished. Most parents are understanding of these behaviours as no one has a perfect child. Saying that two of my children were bitten (breaking skin) at nursery and they had to go on antibiotics so it is an issue the nursery will want to deal with, but this comes more into play if it is a reoccurring thing.
Please try not to worry, I'm sure your already doing the right things and now they and you are aware that your little one may bite in frustration or as a reaction it can be positively dealt with - just like any number of the delightful traits toddlers and young children demonstrate.

Don't feel inadequate or like there's something drastically wrong !! They all have their little quirks !!

that sounds like a very unprofessional nursery... my child has been bitten twice at nursery (this is not unusual.. little kids do this sometimes... it is developmental) and they have let me know in a completely calm and discrete way. they explain what happened, their 'investigation' and have me sign a form. it's not great but i as a result of their handling its not a big deal.

I agree with @Lazypuppy. Yes 15 months is young but still needs to know right from wrong in regards to biting. I doubt it was malicious and most likely teething or over excitement (we see this a lot in my nursery!) but the staff will have a duty to let you know. OP I wouldn’t stress much, she will get over it x

My child was a biter. The first nursery he was in sounds like yours. They were absolutely terrible. Something in the environment was triggering him but the were basically just telling me he was awful but without putting any kind of plan in place. Luckily his free hours were being used 2 days at another preschool and they saw NONE of the behaviour...funny that. I kept full communication with the preschool about his apparent biting/hiting/nightmarish ways. The day they called me to pick him up after he'd been heightened for 2.5 hours and I arrived to find all the other children barricaded in a corner behind tables, him passed out on the sofa and the first thing that was said was "look at this mess", I pulled him out!
He's now full time at preschool and absolutely flourishing.
Kids bite, it IS a phase. The nursery staff should be watching out for triggers if it happens again but should in no way be encouraging you to "tell her off" or making you feel guilty when you pick her up. That's so unprofessional.
She's 15 months. She's young. Do not feel bad.