Nursery closure, help?

[Pcosmum88]

I’m a single mum, my family live 120 miles away.
My 8mo daughter is in nursery and I work full time.

I spoke to my boss on the phone last week and let him know that nursery is closed 25/12 - 2/1, good Friday and Easter Monday.

I dropped him an email just so there was a paper trail of it.

He’s come back from holiday this morning and told me that I’ve put him in a tricky situation because he can’t be giving all the mothers that time off.

Except the other 2 mothers out of the team of 46 are both part time, one’s his wife, their child is in primary school and the other only works part time and her partner has the baby when she’s at work.

Part of me wishes they would just sack me so I don’t have to work under LOs dad and I don’t have to deal with this kind of discrimination.

I know there is a law to protect mothers from this type of problem, does anyone know what it is so I can educate myself as all I found on google were articles in The Sun about snow days

You work with the dad and he refuses to help
Can you move to your family and get another job

It's part of the sexism of society that these kind of issues keep falling on to the mums largely and not the dads. I've very rarely heard dads talk about this and the impact it will have on bringing in money and keeping a career.

Your boss does have to act reasonably and proportionately. There's no clear law that says he has to give you the time off but he's not allowed to act in a way that is clearly discriminatory to mothers and completely inflexible. That's why there is a grey area - and part of the issue with that is the type of industry, size of organisation etc.

Its also true that child care options for women who require flexible and full time care are rubbish and expensive and employers dont always recognise the costs involve or see it as their responsibility.

Apparently you have the right to unpaid time off - not ideal i'm sure.
www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Such nasty replies on this thread.

Good on you for working full-time while on your own with an 8-month old, OP.

I think I would just request the days as AL and expect to get at least some of them. Your DD’s father will have to pick up the slack.

Your'll have to try and find alternative childcare. Sitters? Or advertise locally for someone.

Move closer to family.

It’s a pain OP but unfortunately it’s for you to sort out. Why not invite family to you for Christmas or Easter and they can mind dd while you work? Or ask nursery staff to mind her for you, or book an ad hoc nanny. Yes this will cost you more but you have months to prepare for it. It’s not a reasonable request to ask for the whole if Christmas and New Year off while everyone else works unfortunately. School and holiday clubs also don’t tend to run that week over Christmas.

OP people telling you how these things work aren't being rude. We can't pretend these things work differently just to please you.

Presumably you are not working everyday between Christmas and New Year, even if you work in hospitality. You have time to find alternative childcare - her father should step up if he is off when you are not, a child-minder may offer some days, family might visit, or maybe nursery staff would be willing to help. Alternatively you may be able to find a different job which allows time off over the nursery shutdowns. This is no different to needing holiday cover when at preschool or school, don't assume it gets easier or is so for your colleague.

@MayFayner
Your DD’s father will have to pick up the slack.

How will she make him?

I have a friend who had a baby with a guy who decided it was too hard and he didn't love her so he left. He wouldn't see the baby unless she had sex with him. He wouldn't pay any money for the baby. She took him to court for money and he stopped (officially) working so he wasn't ordered to pay anything. She couldn't work and pay childcare and rent etc so she went back home with the child to get that support.

You can ask for some and get a proportion off, asking for them all is unreasonable. Emergency leave doesn't apply for this, it's for unforeseen situations e.g. childminder having an accident and in hospital, child having chicken pox etc. This is a foreseen situation so you wouldn't be eligible for it. Not sure why you think people are rude and unhelpful, it seems more you don't like the reality of what is being said. You are not being discriminated against, you are just potentially not getting what you want. Your colleagues could claim discrimination if you get all bank holidays off and they don't. Other people may want to take some bank holidays off for caring for elderly relation, religious reasons, to travel etc. That is all completely legitimate. Being blunt but why take a job that requires you to do bank holidays etc when you don't have childcare in place? Where my partner and l work then everyone takes it in turns having bank holidays off. We worked last Christmas so it's not our turn and if forced then we would be opening a grievance

@greeve Yes I know how difficult it can be- you’ve actually just described own situation nearly exactly. My DD in question is 18 now, I married DH when she was 13 but all her early years were spent with me working like a dog while her father was off being an overgrown teenager somewhere.

In the OP’s case she mentioned that her DD’s father works for the same company so he is obviously at least contactable and has an income. If he isn’t prepared to take the DD for any of the days then he can at least contribute to extra childcare, or arrange family to help. It is 5 months away after all, so there’s time to plan.

@greeve

He wouldn't see the baby unless she had sex with him.

I didn’t have this part, thank god. Your poor friend. My DD’s father just disappeared entirely from 6 weeks to 2 years and then popped back up for sporadic contact. Nothing remotely reliable and no maintenance.

for you OP, because it is a horrible shock the first time you come up against that kind of inflexibility when you are already just doing your best to cope with a baby, work and the rest of life. I remember being astounded at the illogical injustice of it and it was the lightbulb moment when I finally understood what other women had been saying all along about the effects of having children on your position in the workplace.

People haven’t been rude, they have just been factual unfortunately.

Use the ‘gov’ site to see the facts. I think your options are:

Speak to your baby’s father and to your family.

Speak to staff at the nursery. Some of them might want to earn extra cash over Christmas. Even if it is only a few days, at least you can go back to your boss with a compromise.

Request unpaid parental leave, which you are entitled to do. See the gov site.

The nuclear option is to hand in your notice before Christmas then try to go back or get something else in January.

Ultimately you might want to find something outside hospitality, as the peak periods will always clash with times when provision for children is harder to find.

I'd definitely cut my losses and look for more family friendly work. I don't think there is any realistic way to combine working full time and covering school holidays unless you earn a lot or have people nearby to offer free childcare

It's difficult - employers should be flexible to working parents wherever possible but your situation doesn't give you you the right to demand the holidays everyone wants off. It sounds like you have gone to your boss and said 'I'm having these days off'.

The woman who has a partner - yes she can get him to look after the children but does that mean that she cannot have a Christmas or Easter off with them as long as you're working at the company?

Unfortunately the industry you're in is not really suitable for your situation - could you not look for a more 9-5 job where you would automatically get the holidays off?

Hi OP. The rules only state that you can't take holidays between the 1st of November and the 25th of December. The restaurant isn't open on Christmas day is it? If not, request to take the 25th of December to the 2nd of January off as annual leave. How is that preferential? You're taking annual leave in a time outwith their 'no annual leave' rule.

If he refuses it, he needs to give a good reason why. You're giving plenty of notice to request these holidays.

I agree the rest of the comments are mighty unhelpful and I'm sure if any of the rude people on here were made to work Christmas and have no childcare for no reason other than the boss being awkward, they wouldn't be happy either and need to work a way around it.

It's nigh on impossible for you to find a childminder for the Christmas period as most take it off and the one's that don't, aren't going to keep a space for one child for 1 week.

I would just go back to him and say you have plenty of annual leave left, you aren't asking for holidays during the time they state no holidays and you aren't asking for it just because you have no childcare, you also just want it off and as you are entitled to annual leave, you are requesting it.

Unless a whole load of other staff have asked for it off first, why can't he give you it off? If he says X amount of staff have already requested it off, ask to see their holiday sheets as I very much doubt too many staff have already requested it off

I doubt the manager will show holiday sheets to the op.

Also you say you need time off from 25/12 to 2/1. And aren’t allowed to take holiday from 1 Nov to 25 dec. so surely you just put annual leave in for those days now and see what happens. If it’s a no you need to look for other options.

Asking nursery staff is a good idea. Although the nursery my ds is at will not allow staff to work privately for parents but some may do so it’s worth checking.

Hi, op I hope you manage to find a solution, can you swap shifts with someone else. You could find a childminder who may be able to offer you ad hoc care but nearly all childminders too are closed on bank holidays and at Christmas. I personal do not work any bank holidays and have the full Christmas period off to spend quality time with my own children.

Can you not seriously consider another job, possibly closer to your family? If your ex refuses to help, then as far as I’m concerned, he loses the right to have her nearby. Especially thinking long term & school holidays, some family support would be helpful right?

If not, I’d be heavily looking around & applying for other jobs. No-way I’d want to work anywhere near my ex. And your work don’t sound very considerate or kind.. finding yourself a family friendly employer would make all difference. Mine are fantastic, I’m not sure I could get through parenting without their support!

Easter is a long old way off yet.. don’t panic. Do you have any friends who could help you out? Could you daughter go to your parents or siblings over Easter weekend while you come back & work?

Update: I’ve spoken to ACAS, they have said that I’m within my rights to ask for annual leave as its outside of the ‘no holiday’ times.

Director still hasn’t given me a reason why I can’t book it off ie. other staff have already booked time off. Just the first response that he ‘can’t give all the mothers this time off’

I have to stay put another 2 weeks so as not to be forced to pay back any of my early maternity pay (90% of salary per week)

But I have already started looking for work elsewhere.

Thank you to some of the posters for your support, it’s true, it’s really not easy working 9 hours a day and looking after an 8 month old, who at the moment is on an inhaler due to a viral infection, but I work hard, it’s a very busy restaurant, and it is certainly not making life easier that DDs dad and the director are best friends. They’ve just booked themselves a little lads weekend away to a vineyard

My job is not helped by the fact that he has changed all of my company log ins and disabled certain actions I can do on the tills, ACAS day it’s constructive dismissal but it is usually hard to prove and the fact he is LOs dad, any complaint I make may not be taken seriously

It must be awkward working for someone with close links to your exs family. I hope you find something better

SnuggyBuggy Thank you, and no it isn’t, his mum has been causing problems too. I stopped her having DD unsupervised when she let slip that she had left her with strangers on more than a few occasions, she then proceeded to stand in the middle of the restaurant glaring at me while I was looking after guests apparently she can do whatever she wants because her husband used to be the company accountant and her son is the GM

At the end of the day, if you can’t get childcare you have no other option, so I’m sure they will allow it. It may have been better to just pull a sicky on the days you can’t get childcare, if it’s just 1 or 2 days! ;)

Just get a job somewhere else as soon as you possibly can - it sounds like a nightmare with all those hostile people.

Are you getting any support from your health visiting service?

MaybeDoctor I’ve been applying for jobs for a couple of weeks now, not heard anything from any of them yet but I’ve got a few months before Christmas.

My health visitor was supposed to come when LO was 8 months, she’s 9 months now and still not heard anything from her but it may be due to me putting in a complaint about how incompetent she was. Told me that they don’t advocate traditional spoon feeding purées and I should BLW, pushing her personal opinions as if they were facts. She knew I was struggling breast feeding and was devastated when my milk disappeared when baby was 3 weeks old and waited until the 4 month visit to tell me the doctor could have given me something to help milk production

I don’t mind waiting longer so long as it’s not her that comes back, I think they’re supposed to do a check at 8-12 months and I’m sure they are all very busy so i’ll give it another month and ring them but I don’t expect much support from them.

LO has been really poorly for the last 3 weeks, 3 visits to the doctors and they finally gave her some antibiotics. I’ve had to use a big chunk of holidays being off with her as her dad has refused to help due to his job being ‘more important’ than mine

Brighter things are coming my way though, DD will be better soon and hopefully i’ll hear back from one of these jobs!