Thoughts on Steve Biddulph and other strong anti nursery views?

[tiredmummylife]

My son is due to start nursery at one year old in September. I have to go back to work and do not have the financial option to stay at home.

To start with I'll be off on Fridays, my parents will take him two days and he will go to nursery for the other two.

Started googling (maybe a mistake!) and found a raft of stuff from the likes of Steve BIddulph and other experts warning about sending to nursery too early and for long days.

He's a happy chap and enjoys his group classes, so I was feeling comfortable... but now I'm feeling the mummy guilt! Wondering if i should ease him in with shorter days to start with and ask work if I can go in late, but I think they will say no.

I am worried about his napping. He can be hard to get to sleep and thinking if he becomes cranky and tired may hate it.

Any advice from mums who have been through the same thought processes or experiences welcome!

Are there people maintaing their children are more confident/sociable becasue they did NOT go to a nursery or childminder and stayed with their mother until school?

I havent met these people. Only people who had a nightmare with screaming children clinging to their legs for the first few months of Reception saying I wish I'd sent them to nursery/playgroup etc.

Another consideration is the buying time for later aspect. By working full time when my kids were little I now am able to work more flexibly now that I am more senior/proven track record in my career and be at home more for them for homework, during exams, GCSEs, can go to sports days, school plays etc. These things are also important and they, arguably, need you around more when they are older imo.

Oh god don't read his stuff!! Outdated and misogynistic.

The key is good quality childcare..... the evidence shows that this can be very beneficial.

My DS started full time nursery at 10 months. He's 4 now and is about to start school. He's absolutely thrived. He's confident, social and 100% school ready. So much of that is due to nursery.

Oh and don't worry about napping. My DS was the worst sleeper and refused naps at home but would sleep for 2 hours at nursery because that's what everyone else did!

Yes there are people who say their children are more confident not going to nursery as babies. The theory is if you always know your main caregiver is there for you (majority.of the time) it builds confidence in the child that when separated there is no need to fret as they always return. I didn't use nurseries and all my children trotted off happily to pre-school without a backward glance. Which given the difference in our experience proves the point that anecdote is not evidence and is usually self-serving.

But evil evidence shows that good quality childcare is beneficial. That's not an anecdote.
Poverty and poor quality childcare are the biggest issues in child development.

The evidence is contradictory like in a lot of areas. The point I am making is people pick and choose both research and anecdote that backs up their choices. We all do it. This thread is a prime example. If a family needs or wants to use a nursery they should pick the best one they can afford is the answer surely. Not many families actually have a choice about using childcare.

There is no one accepted view of what is best for a child and anyway all children and families are different.

If Steve Biddulph is your guru though it might be child minding rather than nursery which would fit the bill best?

It's always hard to leave your child but being a parent is about gradually allowing your child more and more independence from you. That always feels difficult, whether it's their first day at school, first trip into town on their own, leaving for uni etc etc etc. What you are experiencing is one of those letting go a little bit stages.

Stay strong, you've got this and know that all parents go through the same feelings no matter their childcare choices.

All very valid points thank you!

Just went to a morning class and some of the other mums reiterated similar points. They also reassured me about the nursery he is going to and actually said that it helps with their napping.

It is funny how all of these 'experts' are male and I have now decided bollocks to Steve Biddulph!

The thing is I bet if I was a stay at home mum, there would be another expert out there saying we should work. I guess you can't win either way.

I'm just gonna roll with it and see how he gets on in september :)

My daughter went to nursery from 12 months & has thrived. She asks to go every day. She knows her colours, numbers, shapes, talks none stop & spends most of her time playing in their garden & getting dirty. I hate dirt, so I love nursery gives her that experience instead She is a loving, affectionate, sociable little girl. Nursery has only aided her development in my opinion. A good nursery offers so much. It’s days of no TV/screen time and adults paying full attention to your child. They are trained in how to help your child learn and grow. My daughter paints, glues, water, sand, dress up, games with her friends, mud kitchens, reads stories in the ‘tree house’ and they go on walks to the farm next door. They provide a varied offer of food, things I probably wouldn’t do at home but she loves (mackerel pate being one ) ..

Oh & naps - I was worried but actually I found some relief in having no control over it. If I picked her up and she’d only had 30 minutes all day, then oh well. Nothing to be done about it. She just went to bed early, no bad thing!

Please don’t worry, nursery is not evil. Nurseries want the best for your child. They are happy places. Just send them to one with a decent ofsted or locally good reputation!