Unreasonable nursery or bad parenting?

[Cpm16]

My boy is 7 months old and goes to nursery 3 days a week. We've started weaning him, spoon feeding puree. I've told the nursery who at the time raised no concerns. Apparently it isn't their policy to spoon feed as it doesn't encourage them to feed themselves so they have been going ahead with baby led weaning and son has been going without food for majority of day because he likes his puree. I had to ask twice and put in writing we don't want him fed with their method and now all of a sudden they are hinting at bad parenting.

One of the owners suggested babies have a "pouch" that stops them from choking (turns out she was talking about the epiglottilus, hardly an "anti choke pouch") and they have said we need to get him referred for physiotherapy because he's not sitting yet. The latest is that the nursery have "phoned safeguarding" about his lack of sitting at 7 months and the potential internal damage we're doing by force feeding him puree (sat in a high chair whilst he's sitting with desperately gaping mouth) and that we have 2 weeks to get him to the doctor or they'll go ahead and "refer him themselves"

I asked where I could read up on their concerns and the only response was they have level 7 qualifications in childcare and see 1000s of babies so they know best.

I think its a load of rubbish and an unprofessional response to me disagreeing with how my boy gets weaned but the threat of safeguarding referral/social services seems way out line... thoughta and opinions?

[Ncforthispost2005]

They are nuts, get your child out of there and report to ofsted. Baby pouches these days do not have lots of salt in them. Also 'food before 1 is just for fun' is BS as kids are gradually cutting down on milk and need food.

[mikado1]

Crazy stuff from start to finish. They are being sooo U.

[Primaryteach87]

Nurseries prefer 'baby led' because it requires less adult attention. They seem to have taken this to epically mad extremes. Safeguarding because he isn't sitting?!!

I so so rarely say this, but I would raise a complaint with ofsted. I personally would also move my child.

They are trying to bully you because you are advocating for your son's needs (not to go hungry!). That is outrageous.

[ButtMuncher]

DS is 7.5 months and has just started sitting unsupported. He only started to roll around the same time.

I do purees because every time I've done BLW his chronic teething decrees that he shoves whatever it is no matter how big or small down his mouth - we've had full on choking twice, and combined with my own anxieties (which I have treatment for) there is no way I will continue to be in fear until I feel he is going to enjoy it rather than try and shove it so far he makes himself sick.

Worth bearing in mind that BLW is a relatively new thing and that I suspect we were all more or less weaned on the most disgusting purees imaginable, and we are fine, yes?

The nursery sounds horrible. I'm all for sticking to guidelines where possible but you really should be looking for a new one which embraces your style of parenting or will at least consider your needs - this is NOT a social services issue - imagine that landing on our already hugely underpaid social workers - child is on purée, for gods sake.

[Finola1step]

Blimey, the nursery are making a big old fuss over nothing.

FWIW, your baby isn't lazy. He's just developing other parts of his body. The vast majority of babies all develop into talking, walking, shouting, running toddlers. But no two babies are the same, developing in exactly the same way at the same time.

My ds was like yours, liked his puree. When he was a tad older (maybe 9 months) I would offer some finger food at the same time as the puree. He soon got the hang of it.

He is now 9 years and eats me out of house and home .

In your shoes, I would seriously start looking for a different childcare provider.

[Frazzled2207]

I would be finding another nursery tbh. You prob should have discussed weaning approach before you let him start but never mind. They sound bonkers and incompetent. If they did try to "report" you to safeguarding then I'm sure ss would have laughed.
Your son sounds completely normal btw.

[Cpm16]

I am quite relieved to see we simply don't see something wrong with him. I know as parents we think our kids are perfect but I reckon a legitimate concern from someone else I would consider straight away. I should clarify, the issue they're referring to safeguarding is him not sitting up and us continuing to wean him regardless, but like I say, he sits in a high chair, excitedly thrashes every limb in excitement when he sees a bowl, sits with his mouth wide open and usually shouts when it's all gone. He clearly enjoys his food. And he has rejected it before which we respect. He'll purse his lips together or push the food out with his tongue if he doesn't want it. So we're certainly not forcing it into him and we'd never feed him laying down.

We did let him "feed himself" and he gagged and choked on separate occasions. That was why we said don't do it at nursery. It seems like it wasn't til then they had any concerns

[QuackDuckQuack]

They sound batshit. However if the truth is that they can't be arsed with spoon feeding them can you get him trained to suck the food out of the pouch? That doesn't require much adult help. My DDs both did that and it was really handy.

BLW doesn't work for all babies. The HV team's weaning expert told me that my DD shouldn't have any smooth purées, but unless she was willing to come round and clear up the sick that inevitably followed, I wasn't willing to follow that advice.

The same woman told me that jars and pouches of baby food must be full of preservatives as they have such long dates on them. That was the end of me taking any notice of what she said.

[User2468]

My DS didn't sit unaided until 9 months (and he didn't put himself from lying to sitting unaided until 12 months), he walked at 18 months. At 2 years HV wanted him checked by physio for 'gross motor delay'. I spoke to physio who said that unless he couldn't get up from the floor unaided at two it was highly unlikely he had a gross motor skill delay and that as long as they walk before age 2 physios aren't worried.

[BettyOBarley]

That's crazy! Definitely find a new nursery asap, especially if you have genuine concerns that they aren't giving him any formula - that's really bad.
I don't understand the safeguarding thing either. My son has just turned 7mo, he is only just sitting unaided for a few seconds but can sit very well in a highchair with the proper restraints and is doing really well with weaning.
I have noticed that if you do anything other than BLW these days you are frowned upon. My HV told me a couple of weeks ago that my then 6mo son was 'lazy' for eating mashed food (not pureed) and that I should be feeding him the exact same meal I'd give a 5yr old - he'd only been weaning a few weeks!

[TooFew]

People have already said but just to add my 2p worth...move your baby out of that crazy place!! Safeguarding has nothing at all to do with the ability to sit unaided at 7 months. So they're clesrly not experts. Really you should have had conversations about weaning preferences before signing up to the nursery at which point this misalignment would have become clear. But they way they are conducting themselves with you now is ludicrous.

[MissJSays]

Oh god, it makes me so sad to see this. They sound awful OP, I'd be taking him out and finding a new nursery and this is coming from a nursery nurse. Why on earth will they not spoon feed him? I understand their reasoning but with much older children... Not babies!
Not all nurseries are like this, OP! They sound crazy.

[BackforGood]

They do sound completely bonkers and it's clear they don't know very much about either child development or what constitutes a safeguarding issue.
If the manager is backing the room staff in this then I would certainly be looking for somewhere else that knows what they are doing.

If they had said that this is the way they wean young children and they cannot change this method as they don't have the staff availability... well, that sounds honest and perhaps the reality of the nursery
If they don't have the staff availability then I would be reporting them to OFSTED. The have to have a 1:3 ratio for babies.

[MissJSays]

Yes back I agree 100%
Unless there's more to the story I really don't see a safeguarding issue! All very odd. Wonder if a sit down with the nursery manager could clarify things at all?

[Lindy2]

I think you would do better with a good childminder. Your son is still very little and the nursery sound like they have very set ways of doing things regardless of whether that approach is actually right for the children in their care.

[Lunde]

I should clarify, the issue they're referring to safeguarding is him not sitting up and us continuing to wean him regardless, but like I say, he sits in a high chair, excitedly thrashes every limb in excitement when he sees a bowl, sits with his mouth wide open and usually shouts when it's all gone

They are clearly bonkers and not aware that 20 years ago weaning used to happen at about 4 months - before babies sat unaided

[mummabearfoyrbabybears]

I'd be furious. Every parent has the right to make the choice for their child. I was absolutely against BLW. I'd never heard of it with my first three so when I had my fourth and he'd been so ill at birth I was just sticking to what I knew and trusted (all four are very good eaters, good weights and fairly average development so no adverse affects from using a spoon!) I mainly did home made but I'm a SAHM so had the time but the pouches are really just as good and I've used those too. Certainly no added salt etc. I'm so sorry for parents who have needless battles, hope you're ok OP. I'd personally find a new nursery.

[underneaththeash]

Ask for their concerns in writing so that you can "pass on to the GP" and then report.

I did do BLW with my middle child as it suited him, DS1 was spoon fed and DD didn't eat anything at all until she was 9mo. I also don't think any of kine sat unaided until 8 mo either.

I suspect you do need to find a new nursery, but , I would get some evidence of the unsiatuability of the current one before you leave.

[PetalMettle]

My ds didn't sit unaided until nearly 8 months. No one was worried and once he did sit he straight away was sitting straight backed for up to 15 minutes. I think sometimes kids prefer to figure it out completely before they do it.
Back to the main point we had the opposite issue - ds was blw but nursaery did puree. He quickly adapted to it. However I think your issues with the nursery go beyond this