Illness, nursery and work

[JonesMalone]

Hi all,
I think this will be a what do you do/ am I being a terrible mum/ advice going forward all wrapped in to one.

Basically, I have an 18m DS who has been at nursery since just before he was a year.
He just seems to be unwell so often. In Jan he was off with cold/flu type virus and another headachy virus (hubby and I had them as well). Understandably, no nursery.
February he was sick at nursery so I had to collect him(again, understandable). In Feb he moved in to the toddler room and seems to be setting in well but earlier this month I had to collect him because he developed hives on his legs (no cause was discovered and they went away after about two days).
Monday I had a call saying that he had a fever of 37 and wasn't himself - he was clingy and whingy. I got the impression that they wanted me to collect him but I asked if they could give him calpol. I got a call about 10 minutes later saying he refused calpol so I had to collect him. When I got there I was told he'd been off his food and looked unwell, though his notes say he ate everything they gave him except yogurt. He was fine the rest of the day/evening. Took him again on Tuesday and was called in again because he had a fever and refused calpol.
Again he was fine the rest of the day but did get warm again in the evening.
Was ok overnight and this morning but I was called again because he had a fever and they weren't going to attempt to give him calpol.
He's home now, he's fine with no fever.
I work 2.5 days a week. My company is very generous with holiday but contractually, I have to take a two week block holiday from work (which I've done for later in the year) and I've book 1.5 days to go to a wedding.
I have to take his ill days either as holiday or unpaid. I have 2 days of holiday left until January next year and we literally can not afford to take the days unpaid. Hubby commutes to work so would be useless to collect DS if he was ill (would take more than 2 hours in a best case scenario).
I have no one I can ask to collect him when he's ill. I really don't know what to do.
So, my questions are:
What do/would you do in this situation when facing 9 months of random toddler illness with 2 days of holiday?
Am I being a terrible mum for continuing to take him in? Although he's mainly been fine at home it's clear he has some sort of virus.
Are the nursery being too quick to ask me to collect him? This week he's had on and off fevers but he's been ok within himself.
And does this sound normal or should I seek a doctor's advice? He has no known health issues. He eats a well balanced diet and eats a fair amount as well. He is still breastfeeding so (supposedly) benefiting from my immunity as well.

I'm so stressed out about it. I can't start taking it as unpaid leave

TL;DR- son is always ill (though perks up at home. I'm facing having to take unpaid leave from work.

Thanks!

One of the reasons I chose the nursery my children attended, was because they would cuddle the children and were affectionate with them. I viewed other nurseries who woukdn't cuddle, or sit with a child on the carer's knee. I didn't want my children cared for in that environment.

If your son is cuddly, I think you need to find a nursery that suits him.

The nursery we use won't give Calpol. They've said this is because (a) they don't want to risk accidentally overdosing a child, and (b) they think a child poorly enough to need Calpol would be better off staying at home anyway.

They will give prescribed medications, but there's an exclusion period between the medicine being prescribed and the child being allowed into nursery - I think partly in case there's a reaction to the medicine and partly to give the medicine time to start taking effect so the child's already getting better by the time they return to nursery.

So anyway, check other nurseries attitudes to administering Calpol before using this as a reason to leave your current nursery.

Welsh weasel
Are the staff on your nursery medically trained to diagnose?

Do you not think it's the parents decision as to wether medical advice is needed?

I would be very wary of any nursery that makes those kinds of decisions about whether children need medical attention or not. It's not their call and if they miss something the consequences could be horrific
I would always ring parents to collect a child if they are poorly so they can decide what to do
Especially with a perforated ear drum
Children can go downhill very rapidly and I don't want to be in the position of having to call an ambulance

They did tell me about the perforated ear drum. And that he was completely happy and had no fever. It enabled me to sort a GP appointment to take him after I picked him up. I trust that they would have let me know if anything had changed so I could have picked him up sooner. I'm happy that if he's teething and in pain they will give him calpol to make his day a bit better. I trust the staff implicitly. I just think they are allowed to use their common sense a bit more than in some nurseries.

Your nursery sounds a bit rubbish re medication and just being sensible. My DD has been at nursery since December (15 mo now) and not had a sick day yet, but has had an almost constant stream (literally!) of colds. We've once had a phone call to say she had a temp over 38 (37 is a perfectly normal temp) and could they give Calpol. DH gave permission and was told they would ring again in an hour of it was still high and she would have to be collected. But the temp came down so she completed the day. Knowing they'd done that though meant he had an hour's warning that he might need to get her and could juggle work accordingly.

We both have jobs about an hour's travel time from nursery and are both the person at work where you have to be the one there to do the thing, so it is hard for both of us to drop everything as neither of us has someone to have over to. DH has actually used more of his holiday looking after DD when I'm at home ill myself!

We have worked it so we have a rolling conversation about who has important meetings/work on which day of the week and therefore who is going to make the journey to nursery should we need to. Sometimes as well I might be further away at a conference or with my phone off so DH has to cover then. I think my work wouldn't be happy if I was the sole one doing the emergency nursery cover. We also bear in mind who has used up the most leave and our leave years - for instance I am nearly at the end of my leave year so more 'on call' at the moment, but that will then switch next month.

Could your DH do something similar? At the end of the day the nursery would have to keep the child until someone collected, even if it does take two hours to get there. How will your DH be using his leave if you have none left and he has loads to take?

I feel your pain OP, we're in exactly the same position with 16 month old DD2. Started nursery in January and has been off at least one day a week every other week since because she always seems to get a fever with every cold. I'm considering sending her to a friend who's a childminder instead as she is a bit more flexible when it comes to illness, i.e. if DD was fine in herself she'd just give her some Calpol instead of sending her home.

I appreciate it's hard for nurseries as they have lots of kids to look after, and of course if they are genuinely not well kids should be at home, but I do question whether some places are a bit quick to send them home even if they are not that ill. I don't remember DD1 being sent home that frequently (she went to a different nursery).