Is this a red flag or am I being precious?

[Anonforthisonce]

My dd2 attends nursery 3 sessions a week and has a male key person "X"(since September when someone left). She said on Friday (has whispered it once before too) "X is scary" and after a bit of questioning she said he scares her when changing her nappy but is kind the rest of the time. I asked her who she wants to change her nappy and she said the name of a female. She's scared of the hand driers in toilets so I'm just hoping it's that part that is scary but I'm worried. My thoughts are to ask for a new key person with immediate effect and for X to stop changing her nappy. I just don't want it to come across as an accusation Of wrongdoing as she is only two and can't fully tell me what exactly she means by scary. I recently considered moving nursery in preparation for being linked to our preferred school but changed my mind. Shall I just move her?

Unless you were there with them whilst they were "observing" her at nappy time - I wouldn't be happy with their lax attitude about it. x seriously move her from there x

What? After Easter? Have you taken leave of your senses? Please remove her asap! The fact there's no hand dryers and no issues while being observed is even more scary! There could definitely be abuse going on for all you know. Take her out the nursery now and go above their heads in this matter as they're not taking it seriously enough. Call social services for advice.

I would either remove her ASAP or insist she had a different key worker. Poor little girl.

The way the Nursery have handled this is SHOCKING

If it was my DD and the Nursery wouldn't take my concerns seriously I would be removing her,even if only to show her that I will listen to her and she can trust me in future.

He might have played a peep-boo game with her she didn't like, or whoosh her upwards to the changing mat or something, or all kinds of things. If she says she wants somebody else to change her nappy the nursery should go with that.
You'll often find nurseries quite protective of their male staff. Chances are the manager has had to answer a few comments like "Why are you employing a man? Only a paedophile would want the job." and similar. Have a look at past threads on here and you'll see the occasional "Why risk having a man?" posts.

That is a terrible response from the nursery, they're clearly not taking it seriously. I'd demand they change her keyworker, especially as it's not the first time she's said it. I think I'd gently talk to her about it as well, perhaps when you're doing a nappy change and just sort of drop it into conversation.
There is a very good chance it's all perfectly innocent and he's just said or done something with her to keep her distracted but even with a 1% chance that he's hurt her/ been rough with her (who hasn't nearly lost their rag whilst trying to change a squirmy child who's fighting it or really messing about? I know I've nearly lost my cool with my own dd at times) it's not worth taking imo.

I think 2 people should be in the changing room tbh

Even if her key worker changed would that impact nappy changing time? When I worked in a nursery (a long time ago) we had key children but also a separate nappy changing rota which was dependent on what shift we were on.

Also, what exactly did the manager mean by 'observed' nappy change? Could your daughter see her, as if so this would likely impact her reactions e.g she might have felt reassured with a second person present.

In terms of an 'allegation' against the staff member, the manager might be treading carefully as a child saying they are scared of someone but with no context, such as what exactly scares her, it is hard to investigate (I am mindful your daughter is young so probably unable to provide more than she has). Perhaps you could ask what their policy is in such circumstances?

Having the manager in with this person is obviously going to change the behaviour of the person changing the nappy I.e with noone there they could be scary, with someone there however, they'll probably be all sweetness and light. Op I'm not at all confrontational and I can only imagine what this must be like to have to discuss but this is absolutely 100% something that should not be treated lightly x

I would not be happy with this response regardless of the sex of the keyworker involved. And I don't see how a single observation would help, especially if the person in question knew they were being observed.

Even though this is probably all completely fine and nothing to worry about, the nursery should have taken it seriously and assured you that your dd will never be alone with any member of staff. This would cover them if there is anything that needs investigating. They can certainly manage that (unless it's a very small nursery jn which case something else needs to be organised) between now and Easter.

YANBU

Your child has told you that something is scaring her and your response is to do... Nothing?
I'm sorry but it doesn't matter what is scaring her, she has told you she doesn't like this person doing something intimate for her and yet, nothing changes.
Do you hope she'll trust you in the future? Share with you when she's worried, afraid? If you do, I think you should listen to her now and do something! She told you she doesn't like something happening to her, and you let it happen again! And will continue to do so until Easter?! Jeesh.

*By do something I mean simply inform the nursery she doesn't want him changing her nappy and you want to be assured her wishes will be adhered to. If they can't do that, I'd remove her.