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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Urgent: My 15 month old kid has been bitten by another kid....angry

46 replies

wotuc · 10/05/2012 14:44

Just found out my 15 month has been bitten by a kid after he apparently scratched the kid. My question is where were they and why did they not stop this in the first place. Wheneevr my kid is playing with other kids I am there to make sure that these things dont' happen. what were they doing. No I have heard that I have to sign some kind of form which I don't want to sign

OP posts:

StillSquiffy · 10/05/2012 15:15

I can promise you it is infinitely worse to be the mother of the child doing the biting.

You are being very PFB and really do need to chill. It happens, nothing you can do about it, and it's not the sign of a shit nursery.

notcitrus · 10/05/2012 15:18

Children move fast. Dn went through a biting phase and he and ds could be in the same room with me and two or more other adults, and still ds would get bitten (usually after snatching a toy off dn...) Took some months to get it to stop, and then dn might do it about once every couple months for another year or two.

Unless you never allow any child to come within a couple yards of another, bites will happen. Ditto shoving, pushing, etc. Nursery is a great place to learn that none of those are acceptable and other ways of dealing with frustration.

jobnockey · 10/05/2012 15:20

my DS was bitten by his friend when i was looking after the 2 of them... actually this happened more than once. I don't think i was being particularly neglectful! These things happen. I agree with stillsquiffy that the parent of the biter/hairpuller/hitter/shover will always feel worse. Nothing worse than a bruise will result!
anyway - next week could be your child doing the biting!

MoaningMinnieRisesAgain · 10/05/2012 15:22

DS has bitten DD, DD has bitten DS, DD bit me once when she was about 18m, hard enough to leave a mark for days (through jeans).

With the best will in the world, many toddlers have a (brief) phase of biting occasionally, no matter how closely they are supervised.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/05/2012 15:24

You send your DC to a nursery where the staffing ratio is what - one adult to 6 or 8 babies/toddlers? So therefore you must have realised that each child can't have their own personal nanny/bodyguard.

Stuff like this happens so fast that unless an adult is right by them then you can't stop it. And in a nursery you're never goign to have an adult right by their side all the time.

Oh, and your DC started it.

Original poster

wotuc · 10/05/2012 15:29

vivalebeaver the staffing ratio is 1 adult to 2 under 2's and the rest are with over 2's which is a separate gated area

OP posts:

ButteryBiscuitBase · 10/05/2012 15:29

Your child could well have bitten another child at some point! I lead a baby room for 5 years these things happen. Part of play and development. If a child was biting a few times we would then talk to the parent but not everytime as its more important to focus on their positive experiences.

You would have to be physically holding children away from each other to stop these kinds of things happening.

Have you any other concerns re supervision?

Original poster

wotuc · 10/05/2012 15:30

thanks for your advice and help so far. I'm understanding this better now from experienced mommies.

OP posts:

Original poster

wotuc · 10/05/2012 15:34

Butterybiscuitbase - i'm can't really say anything else about supervision as i'm not there and have not heard anything. I do have concerns about the way the place is run and the fact that they don't have sheets detailing the childs day. most other nurseries in the area have this in place.

OP posts:

Cashncarry · 10/05/2012 15:39

I used to be you when I just had my angelic DD

then I had a rather boisterous DS

then DS2 came along

greyhairsahead · 10/05/2012 15:39

I'm glad you've calmed down! There was a phase where my DS was getting bitten quite a lot at nursery. I didnt like it of course but trusted the staff to deal with it. Recently ds has become a biter! So again, we manage it, the staff manage it, but at the end of the day toddlers are just that and it's a phase, like lots of other things are.

ButteryBiscuitBase · 10/05/2012 15:40

Do they tell you verbally in length about how your childs been/eaten etc?

Most places have a daily diary sheet they were handy if parents were in a rush to get off but I akways encouraged staff to verbally relay information and not just hand over child and sheet!

It sounds like you have other concerns which may have caused you to react this way?

I think speak to room leader and voice your concerns and see the feedback you get, suggest a written record of your childs day if you want one. Its a reasonable request.

Original poster

wotuc · 10/05/2012 15:55

butterybiscuitbase - thats the problem they don't verbally take any time to say how he has been just a very good boy and no problems. No details on activities or anything or sometimes whether he has eaten his food or not. The management have a laid back approach.

OP posts:

HereIGo · 10/05/2012 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/05/2012 16:02

1 adult to 2 kids is a great ratio and unless things have changed in the last 10 years a lot better than the minimum? I'm sure dd never had ratios like that.

But like others have said you can be holding your own child and it still happens. Unless its happening frequently I wouldn't sweat it.

ButteryBiscuitBase · 10/05/2012 16:22

The ratio is 1:3 but 1:2 if they are under 1. Some nurseries work to the ratio for youngest child in the room which is very good.

Maybe you should suggest a home/nursery diary? They worked well for us. They can be two way so parents can comment in them on how they have been at home or the weekend etc. We just bought a big batch of school lined exercise books and stuck a picture of the child on the front so it was cheap to set up. Some parents filled it in every day some never bothered, we wrote in it most days as well as a formal tick sheet for nappies/sleep/food etc. Parents were given copies of menus for home and were told which week it was on the sheet.

Suggest these things to the nursery, they should take on board parents ideas.

SleeptimeZz · 12/05/2012 21:58

Oh no, DS is a biter, especially when he is teething. So far, he has mostly only bitten me, but I dread him biting another child. The nursery move him away if he looks like he is going in for a bite.
He got bitten a month or so ago. I was just glad it wasn't the other way around.
Dd never bit at all, so this is new to me.

MissMarjoribanks · 12/05/2012 22:12

My DS was bitten at nursery so hard it broke the flesh. He has a scar. Two weeks later he was whacked over the head with a toy, so hard it cut him. He has another (bigger) scar.

On the second occasion nursery phoned me immediately (head injury), on both occasions I had to sign an accident form. They were very apologetic but these things happen and children are quick, however well supervised they are.

My DS and his friend have gone for each other and got a shove / scratch / punch in with me and my friend almost right on top of them. Toddlers do this and it is not a sign of a shit nursery.

If you have other concerns apart from this, raise them.

MintChocAddict · 12/05/2012 22:32

DS1 was a biter and was bitten more than once.
DS2 has bitten and has recently has been bitten too.
Different nurseries but always dealt with in a rational and calm way.

Both mine have also been pushed, scratched and been involved in disputes over toys etc. It's not necessarily a sign of poor supervision. It's usually just wee ones (who move pretty fast) trying to deal with growing emotions.

It's unfortunate but it happens and when dealt with appropriately teaches them what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.

Think you need to look at how realistic your expectations are of care provided outside the home and the behaviour of very young children.

If you have other concerns about the way the nursery is run, then you need to address these for your own piece of mind.

However on the biting issue I think you're overreacting slightly. Sorry!

If you want constant 1:1 supervision perhaps you shouldn't use a nursery. Either employ a nanny or stay at home with your child.

insancerre · 13/05/2012 09:40

If you are in England the ratio is 1:3 but sometimes the staff will have to leave the room at some point so it is not constantly maintained.
Biting happens, it is normal and is to be expected.
It is not always possible to watch every child every minute of the day. Most mums don't manage this even whne they have 1 child to look after- never mind a room full of babies all with different needs and at different stages of development
the form is a legal requirement, to inform you of the injury.I don't understand why you would refuse to sign it.
One day it may well be your child doing the biting, or even worse, so I would relax a bit and just accept it.

MammmaMia · 13/05/2012 23:04

I have twins therefore even when I'm looking after my own kids there isn't a 1:1 ratio. DD is a biter, and yes, there have been times when we've been round at friends' houses and she's bitten the other kid and I haven't been quick enough for her...
I've also been in that situation where I've had to sign a form at nursery to acknowledge that DS had been bitten... then another as it was DD that bit him :)

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