I’m wondering if anybody else has this experience?
I was in a psychologically and financially extremely abusive relationship that had ZERO physical or sexual violence, including no threats of it, but used basically every other technique available to undermine me and my sense of self and self-confidence, ability to work and study, my fitness, my health - everything. The stress was so bad that a health condition id kept under control for years started flaring up and I ended up in emergency surgery. My divorce took 8 years, because he basically wouldn’t let me go. I was seriously suicidal because of his behaviour and told him and he couldn’t have cared less. Literally shrugged and turned around and walked off. I wasn’t a human to him. He is really kind to friends and family and gets upset when they’re treated unjustly.
Fast forward to now and I’m 2 years divorced and he’s been treating me like a human being and more recently has developed a sense of empathy and justice towards me. By justice I mean due to a weird tax situation, I have an extra tax on the spousal support meaning he earns more than me but I pay a lot more tax proportionately. He realised, thinks it’s unfair, and has offered to pay it! This guy previously used to shove bank statements in front of me at random times to ask what a transaction I’d made was and wanted immediate justification. It would have been a few baby grows or similar.
I was all ready for the abuse of the marriage to continue, but he’s treating me like he treats his friends and family. I’m not complaining on one front, I’m just so confused why he’s not treating me like absolute shit. I’ve not heard of this, I only read about abusers continuing abuse post-separation. I am concerned he could flip back but even his tone of voice has changed, literally he’s gone back to the guy I fell in love with (don’t worry, not up for Round 2!).
Has anybody else had this experience? Is it normal but just not discussed?