35 , babies , relationships, stuck at home !

[MidnightRaven]

Heyy so I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice for me , or if anyone has ever been in the same situation.

So I have 2 children , 15 & 13 I also have a partner who i do not live with.
We have been together nearly 4 years now , but being from a VERY expensive part of the UK we cannot afford to leave our family homes and move in together.

I am 35 and he is 33. We are eager to start a family. Now ... being 35 I am getting on a bit bodyclock wise. He has no children so it would be nice to eventually have a child together.
Again.... a house to rent local is around £1800 a month for a very sub par 3 bed and a mortgage we would need to borrow about £380,000. Even on our average wage , we cannot borrow that much.

Even with us both working its just not viable.
We have looked at moving areas to where its cheaper but then we need jobs elsewhere to do so. It feels like a catch 22 situation.
I have also been on the council housing list for about 9 years... nothing. [ I have given up on that ]

I feel ashamed being 35 and still at home with my dad . I feel behind and inadequate.
I just dont know how I am going to be able to have my own family home and continue my life independently.

The annoying thing is , I have been on my own. / moved out since I was 18 years old. I only moved back home due to an abusive relationship & a rent I could no longer afford ot on my own - rents have gone up even more sinc then !! He also left me with allot of debt which I am paying off slowly :(

In october 2025 I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer, after 6 years of fighting she is now at peace.
She was so adamant she wanted another grand child , so i could 100% rely on her support , now i have none . I really wish she was still here to give me advice. I honestly have no body to talk to about these things.
I am worried for my mental health, my relationship , my finances and and my life in general, it's passing me by so quickly and I feel like i have accomplished nothing.

I have looked at other jobs but they all pay peanuts compared to the cost of everything in my area. I just dont know what to do :(

If anyone could help i would be very appreciative.

TBH OP I think it would be a terrible idea to have a baby with a man you have never lived with - or have only lived with for a short time - especially when you have other children to consider.

It could also be very difficult for your much older two children moving in with this man they're not related to at their age and then having a crying baby in the house when they are doing GCSE's and A-levels - how do they feel about it all?

I think the best thing would just be to concentrate on making sure their lives are stable as it sounds like you've all been through some stuff. Just enjoy your relationship as it is, give yourself plenty of time to grieve your mum and work on your MH. I think jumping in feet first at this point would be a bad idea.