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Original poster

Would you stay friends with a Mum whose partner is on SOR?

42 replies

NetNoo · 26/04/2018 14:28

On sex offenders register for child rape.
Done jail time. She lives with him, has young DC with him.

YES or NO answers please.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 26/04/2018 15:00

My friends brother is on the SOR. When he was 20 he met a female in a nightclub. They spent the evening together. She went back to his. They had sex. It transpired she was 15. He was arrested & jailed for several months

I'd have my doubts about that story, I'm sorry, how did the police find out? And then this went to trial and he was convicted even though she was portraying her self as older and was in a nightclub, and they jailed him for several months?

I don't know. I suspect that's the story they are telling people, I'm sorry.

kissthealderman · 26/04/2018 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Redglitter · 26/04/2018 15:10

The police found out because she was had been reported missing when she failed to come home and it all came out then. It's not how it was portrayed by the family it's fact. I didn't actually hear the story from any family members originally. I didn't hear it from them til years later.

I can't go into details but she was classed as vulnerable

Caramelapplecake · 26/04/2018 15:15

So is this a poll as in you want to know percentages of responses or do you genuinely want advice is resolving your dilemma?

Is this a friend you've met through your DC? How long have you known her and how much of a friend is she? If this was someone already my friend u cared for, or someone I was concerned was isolated I would probably be stay friends with them on a one-to-one basis to ensure I was there should she need support in future. If I'd just met through DC I wouldn't want my DC going to their house. But I'd want to be clear on the truth of the history before making any real decision.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 26/04/2018 15:18

I don't think I would stop being friends with someone because their partner is on the SOR but I wouldn't want my children being anywhere near him and I imagine that would put a strain on the friendship so itd probably break down anyway.

DiamondsBestFriend · 26/04/2018 15:20

I think to be fair that genuine cases of someone having sex with a minor who they thought to be of age of consent and ending up on the SOR are so incredibly rare that it’s highly unlikely to be something like that.

But women maintaining a relationship with men who are convicted for child sex crimes is unfortunately all too common.

I know of a case where a man has been convicted of various offences and has now gone to jail. His wife’s friends offered to help her pack up his stuff but she refused saying that she only intends to stay apart from him until the kids turn eighteen and then she will be moving back in with him because she loves him and no-one understands. She has lost pretty much all her friends over it.

And for people saying that women find it hard to leave, no I don’t buy that. If the authorities were issuing ultimatums for instance saying that either they leave or the kids will be removed they would find a way. There is no excuse for staying with a paedofile. None.

louise5754 · 26/04/2018 15:21

I think I'd ask for more information. Did she tell you or did you find out?

Can people on the SOR have kids? I'd assume if the Mum stopped with him they would have been taken away?

I wouldn't be happy if he was at the school gates. What about if kids go there for tea?

Misericord · 26/04/2018 15:24

If he is allowed contact with the kids, I would assume it was more of a statutory rape sitiation as discussed above. Alternatively, it may be so long ago that he has had this sexual offence reporting requirements discharged - which would mean (I think) 10-15 years distance.

StylishMummy · 26/04/2018 19:12

No fucking way.

Getoffthetableplease · 26/04/2018 19:16

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 26/04/2018 19:21

I guess I could be a casual aquaintance in the park... But I couldn't let the friendship get to play dates round each others house stage. For obvious reasons.

greendale17 · 26/04/2018 19:26

I couldn’t be friends with someone with poor judgement like that.

Anaiis · 26/04/2018 19:27

Probably yes. I imagine she may well be quite isolated and in need of friends.

And yes you can be on the register and have full access to your own children if social services deem you low risk (ie a conviction for viewing/ making images without any suggestion of contact offences, or a one off incident that may be viewed by social services as poor judgment and not indicative of a risk to children in the home).

I do think people need to try not to be armchair lawyers and doubt posters who are speaking about something they know first hand. It is quite possible to do jail time for sex with an under 16. Not in every case. But it's not that unlikely. The courts eill take the view that as an adult male you ought to have known, or checked, beforehand that the person you were having sex with was of legal age.

Bowlofbabelfish · 26/04/2018 19:33

I do wonder if this is a reverse.

BettyPitts · 26/04/2018 19:39

No.

Are you the one living with him?

Aridane · 26/04/2018 19:53

Placemarking

BluebellsareBlue · 26/04/2018 19:54

@Redglitter you and I are in the same profession I think. @Bluntness100 that scenario is not as uncommon as you would think especially now with social media. There is a statutory defence of being a first offence and being under the age of 25 but that doesn’t mean a person would be acquitted. So yeah this is a likely story.

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