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Original poster

How does everyone afford to have kids?!

52 replies

ParenthoodVSCareer · 09/07/2016 12:16

Hi, I'm new here - wasn't really sure what area to put this in!

Ok, so my partner and I have been talking a lot lately about the fact that we need to start the ball rolling on having children. I'm almost 28 and I've been on the pill for over 10 years now and I'm worried that the longer we leave it we won't be able to conceive. So we have to get started now to minimise the risk of "being too late".

The issue I have, is that I have a pretty well paid job that I commute 1.5 hours to each way every day, if we were to start a family I wouldn't be able to continue to commute all that way and my partners wage wouldn't cover the cost of all of our bills now, let alone if we were to add children in to the mix.

How do others manage to have children and still afford to live a semi-decent lifestyle? Confused

OP posts:
bluebloom · 09/07/2016 13:11

Your priorities change, you make it work. We are skint but happy!

Original poster
ParenthoodVSCareer · 09/07/2016 13:12

I've seen so much conflicting stuff over the internet that doesn't really help to say whether the pill has a long lasting effect conceiving, it's interesting to know that people can fall pregnant straight away!

That's interesting to hear about your job, I worry that my not enjoying the job I'll end up all mopey (for want of a better word). But I guess as I don't have children of my own yet it's hard to envision how easy/hard it'll be to do?

Thanks for you comments though, they've been really helpful!

OP posts:
NapQueen · 09/07/2016 13:13

Could you move closer to work to bring the commute down to around 20 mins?

DinosaursRoar · 09/07/2016 13:19

I would give yourself a timeframe, start thinking about moving jobs into a position that you would have a shorter commute or could go part time (or job share if it's a case that someone has to be there). If you would have to give up your job anyway, might as well suck up moving to a less interesting/well paid job now that could be one you take part time.

In the mean time, save like crazy, investigate stuff like how much local nurseries cost and what hours they offer etc. Would you consider moving to a cheaper property you could live in on just DHs wage?

I pretty much just got pregnant first at 30 and then thought about this stuff, however DH had refused to borrow up to the limit we could borrow when buying our house as he wanted us to be able to live on One wage.

Do some planning and then start trying.

HeadDreamer · 09/07/2016 13:26

I have mine at 36 and 39. But you are right to start thinking now. To me it seems you need to find something more local. And it's important you share the childcare duties. It doesn't need to be the world's most exciting job. But any amount of money will help. I have a 45-75min commute depending on what time I do it. I do them in non rush hours, as my work can be done at home and I don't go in everyday. DH job is local and does pick up and drop off. You can look for something that can be done part time. Remember that when they were young you might think 3 days is good. But at my work, there are many who do 9-3 five days a week. That works better for school aged children and actually better for the business (as the person is available to deal with work issues every day). That would only be good if ofc the job is local.

There is a lot to consider but it's not all of work full time in high powered job with long commute vs SAH. There are lots of compromise you can look at that is in between.

HeadDreamer · 09/07/2016 13:28

I agree that if you know you can't continue with your job, you definitely should look at alternatives that you can combine with childcare.

SaltySeaBird · 09/07/2016 13:33

I commute 1.5 hours each way, we can't afford to move closer and there are no jobs locally. I returned from maternity leave at 6 weeks (baby with my DM or MIL) and this time back at 3 months (DH doing shared leave). I do my hours compressed over 4 days one of which is working from home. It's hard, there are compromises but we manage.

Original poster
ParenthoodVSCareer · 09/07/2016 13:34

Ok so it look's like we need to spend a lot of time in front of some spreadsheets so we can have a look at where we can cut back Confused

With regards to new jobs, does anyone know if it's harder to get a job post baby? Is it best to go in to a new job before trying to conceive? Or stay at my current job and then move when my Mat Leave is up?

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 09/07/2016 13:39

I have 2 kids and me and DH work FT. Our combined salary is 100k. We have a term time childminder and GP's do school hols and our lifestyle is pretty good. Not gloating but I'm just illustrating that it is possible to have a career and family as well as a decent standard of living

imjessie · 09/07/2016 13:41

If you earn well you would have to pay for childcare . Childminder it day nursery etc . Depending on your partners salary you would get child benefit and some other benefits for families . I think there is often a problem when the salaries are fairly even and or the woman earns more .

MumOnACornishFarm · 09/07/2016 13:42

Well we're just broke! But I chose not to go back to work, and I was the main breadwinner, so it didn't come as a surprise. But 'how do you afford kids' is like 'how long is a piece of string.' Some people want designer baby gear, everything brand new, upgrade the car to get a buggy in, and don't want to sacrifice the holidays and other treats. Others are happy to buy second hand, take hand-me-downs from friends & family, and tighten the belt on luxuries. It's not easy even on a good income, but it's certainly doable even on a small income. You find a way.

imjessie · 09/07/2016 13:42

I would stop taking the pill and get a copper cool too . That way you will be 100% fertile the day you take it out . I got pregnant the day after I took mine out !

woodenmouse · 09/07/2016 13:42

We are skint. We just make it work with what we have tho.

Chewits · 09/07/2016 13:46

You just make it work, I know that's not helpful but that's really all you can do if you want kids and you have money worries!

StealthPolarBear · 09/07/2016 14:07

" Depending on your partners salary you would get child benefit"
And her salary. Cb entitlement considers both

HeadDreamer · 09/07/2016 14:08

I think there is often a problem when the salaries are fairly even and or the woman earns more .

Definitely. I earn slightly more. And I'm so grateful I stayed working now that DH's job is highly uncertain. (Thanks Brexit). The choice is much easier if you earn a lot less than the father.

HeadDreamer · 09/07/2016 14:09

I mean which way we look at it, one of us quitting means half our income gone.

Cineraria · 09/07/2016 14:23

Is your commute driving or public transport? I have a long commute by train and have found a nursery near work plus I will work 8-4 to miss the overcrowding so that my son and I can spend the journey together before and after work. He loves train journeys already and likes being carried in a wrap or ring sling, which is easier than a pushchair on public transport, so I think he will enjoy it a lot. I can also go to see him during my lunch break if it coincides with his.

Alternatively, if your DH was a stay at home dad, might your work be flexible enough that you could still put in the hours by starting really early and leaving early at least on a few days, so you leave for work before they are up but you're home to have time with them before they go to sleep?

Cakescakescakes · 09/07/2016 14:28

Lots of jobs will require you to return after your mat leave for a number of months otherwise they can ask you to repay part of your maternity pay.

OddBoots · 09/07/2016 14:35

We both spent the three years before having children working in weekend retail jobs on top of our weekday work and ploughed half that money into savings and half into mortgage overpayments to reduce our overheads and have a security net. I know we are unusual in doing that though - most people just get on with it and muddle through.

Original poster
ParenthoodVSCareer · 09/07/2016 14:46

OddBoots I'm over tired all the time now, couldn't imagine doing a weekend job too!

OP posts:
Original poster
ParenthoodVSCareer · 09/07/2016 14:49

I currently drive to Milton Keynes from Peterborough, to get the train I'd have to go in to London and back out again which is a pain. We've already got a degree of flexi hours, as long as we're at work for the core hours of 9.30-4pm and do 40 hours a week we can come and go as we please... but I car share who doesn't have that luxury so if I were to take up the advantage of the flexi hours I'd be gaining more outgoings for the fuel - it's a catch 22 situation!

OP posts:
milpool · 09/07/2016 16:13

You really need to sit down and work out where you can make cuts/start saving.

To give some balance to the higher earners on this thread - our household income pre-DD was about £40k, it's now nearer £37k as I reduced my hours after going back after maternity leave (plus we've childcare to consider). Luckily we only have to pay for 2 days a week childcare.

We're also expecting DC2 in January (which wasn't exactly planned...) so will need to find another lot of childcare costs.

I am a little worried as we're pretty close to breaking even as it is but I am sure we will manage.

ifcatscouldtalk · 09/07/2016 16:43

Somehow you manage and there never is the perfect time to have a baby. Some people like me just get by (& i have 1 child). We worked out we'd only be out of the OD when i can work F/T again but i cant yet as although dd is 11 grandparents that are local dont want her 5 days a week in the school hols and I don't earn enough for other forms of childcare. Basically you do manage though and if you are on a fairly high income your situation may be better than mine.

DinosaursRoar · 09/07/2016 17:07

IME it's a lot easier to move jobs before having dcs, then see if you can take that role part time, than it is to look for a part time/reduced hours job after having a dc.

It's also hard to return to work after mat leave, even harder to do if you are also starting a new job where you don't know everyone / how things work etc.

If it's unlikely that your current job can go part time (or working from home, would that be possible?), then better to look for something closer to home that can go part time, or price up moving closer to work. (Could you move to Milton Keynes, or one of the other towns on the train connection to London around there?)

Basically, the job and house combo you have doesn't work when you have dcs and you can't afford to be a SAHM, so something needs to change, best you do it now.

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