Prom dress challenges for neurodiverse teen

[imtiredandiwanttogotobed]

My daughter (16) is awaiting an autism and ADHD assessment. She has always had ‘sensitivities’ with clothing - seams and itchy fabrics were unbearable as a younger child. Now it’s more about creating the perfect look and she will often go though numerous outfits before settling on what to wear and perfecting her hair and make up (beyond the unusual teen angst!) She will also buy clothes and love them at the point of purchase but then never wear them because there is something (seemingly insignificant) ‘wrong’ with them.  Currently we have three pairs of identical combat trousers she has bought in the last month - each of which are perfect til they suddenly aren’t and she buys another pair.

Her prom is coming up in June so in an attempt to avoid problems finding the right dress - she had very specific ideas! - I had one made with her full input. When it was delivered and fitted she loved it and today we bought shoes and handbag. Tried it all on together and she loved it. Perfect dress, just what she wanted etc. 

Then literally within 5 min she changed her mind and was in tears looking at the photos I had taken of her wearing it 😭 saying it didn’t look right. I calmed her down and she tried it on again and said it felt better and the pic was just not a great photo. 

She has calmed but intermittently spent all evening stressed about it. She has acknowledged that she does this and she wants it to be perfect and is worrying that she won’t feel perfect in it on the day of the Prom. We have chatted and she acknowledges it’s just one night and it will probably feel fine but then thinks but what if it doesn’t? 

I could buy another dress but I know this is likely to happen no matter what dress she has. (And I really don’t want to have to because of the cost!) but I’m feeling like I’m trying to convince her that the dress looks great (it does!) 

I suspect that this is her need for certainty and we have discussed this a little about how she can’t be 100% certain of anything! Whether that’s how she will feel in her dress on the day of prom or whether she gets a giant spot on her nose or her hair doesn’t ‘go right’ or it rains and she gets wet etc 

I fear this is going to be something that plays on her mind between now and the prom and I don’t want it to take over as her anxiety has a tendency to do, as she has her GCSE exams in the next couple of months before prom. 

Any tips on managing these feelings? Anyone have similar themselves or with their child? Thanks

[trackertoo]

Currently we have three pairs of identical combat trousers she has bought in the last month - each of which are perfect til they suddenly aren’t and she buys another pair.

with what money?

[trackertoo]

you had a dress made for your daughter for event in June when you describe as her having a very changeable view on her clothing

OP…. weekend before the event go shopping with her.

[trackertoo]

I fear this is going to be something that plays on her mind between now and the prom and I don’t want it to take over as her anxiety has a tendency to do, as she has her GCSE exams in the next couple of months before prom. 

it very likely will do op

[imtiredandiwanttogotobed]

@trackertoo

Currently we have three pairs of identical combat trousers she has bought in the last month - each of which are perfect til they suddenly aren’t and she buys another pair.

with what money?

Her own money

[imtiredandiwanttogotobed]

@trackertoo

you had a dress made for your daughter for event in June when you describe as her having a very changeable view on her clothing

OP…. weekend before the event go shopping with her.

I had it made so it could be specific. You can’t leave it til the last minute to have a dress made.

There is no way she would have waited til the last minute to buy a dress plus this would be in the middle of GCSES. This old have caused stress too.

[imtiredandiwanttogotobed]

@trackertoo

I fear this is going to be something that plays on her mind between now and the prom and I don’t want it to take over as her anxiety has a tendency to do, as she has her GCSE exams in the next couple of months before prom. 

it very likely will do op

Any tips on managing this?

[trackertoo]

@imtiredandiwanttogotobed

Her own money

as in pocket money?

[trackertoo]

@imtiredandiwanttogotobed

I had it made so it could be specific. You can’t leave it til the last minute to have a dress made.

There is no way she would have waited til the last minute to buy a dress plus this would be in the middle of GCSES. This old have caused stress too.

yes but it was plainly obvious that she was going to chop and change what she wanted.

So… in your shoes, i’d keep the made dress but i’d be fully prepared to be heading to shops the weekend before and then just sell the made one.

as for handling, i’d say “all dress conversation parked until June” end of

[imtiredandiwanttogotobed]

@trackertoo

as in pocket money?

Yes