Did your ND get missed until adulthood? Why?

[NCed4Help]

Regular mums netter but NC as I am in the process of exploring various diagnoses. I also have another thread on here.

I have done various screeners - ADHd/ASC/Dyslcalculia/Dyslexia etc. (not sure if there are any more screening tests I should take) to try and get to the bottom of what I am experiencing.

I am scoring highly for ASC/Dyscalculia, moderate for ADHD and Dyslexia. But, my question is, how do these things 'progress' with age and get missed?

I would have been considered a model pupil in school, did well academically but very quiet/private and to myself. How did I not struggle more? Why am I struggling so much now?!

My mum knew there was something going on with my brother in the 80s. She pushed and pushed- she knew an EP who did an ADHD asessment as a favour (which he apparently didn't have), but got a dyspraxia diagnosis when he was 17. The assessor said it was so bad she had no idea how he was even in school. She knew the system and it was still hard to get past a head who said he was lazy.

His daughter is autistic, as is mine. I think he is probably autistic too, and I think I almost definitely have adhd (I don't seem to meet the criteria for ASD but do struggle with social cues a bit, but mask this very well). I was hyperlexic, reading fluently by 2.5, would blurt out in class, awkward with friends and have a constant need for novelty. Incredibly messy. My books were a state. But like a PP, I'm clever, was good at spotting patterns and could hyperfocus for exams- so aced them all and no one would have spotted it.

A lot of senior teachers in the 80s trained in the 60s and earlier. They had no idea about ND, and if you're constantly being told your kid is just lazy in some ways I think that's easier (because you can fix it perhaps) than a ND.

Same, except I'm a 60s baby,

I spent time in care and all my 'oddities' were written off as being due to a shitty homelife and the care system.
Pretty shocking still as I was SO obviously ADHD but just deemed naughty

My school brought in a psychologist because I was under achieving (based on my test scores when I first went to High School). Then they did nothing about it. I’ve struggled with organising myself, and my mind, my whole life.

I was 51 when diagnosed. Had a good career, part of the team, had a husband and son.

I was very good at masking. Was “shy” as a kid. Learned to be more like my sister (who’s naturally outgoing). My mum never believed my diagnosis. My husband is sceptical. My sister absolutely accepts it! Some friends have reacted with the “we’re all a bit autistic, aren’t we?” trope.

”It” was always there, though and quite obvious, now I know. I was an excellent mimic (good for masking); like in the film “Little Voice” I could sing and sound like the actual people. Made a living from it for a while 😊 At 10 I got a scholarship to go to ballet school, in London. Ballet, for those who might not know, is all about endless repetition. Class starts at the barre. Same exercises, same order, same outfit, same music over and over and over. Routine, three/four classes a day, every day. Later, he I danced professionally with what was then London Festival Ballet.

I was diagnosed on the NHS, by a co-author/researcher of Simon Baron-Cohen. She was lovely and explained why/how I’d managed to come this far in life without being “seen”. Everything about me made sense post diagnosis so, I’d say to anyone who say “why now? What difference does is make to get diagnosed at YOUR age?” (and people did) that it’s the “knowing” that’s allowed me to be myself.

OP, I think you “know”. Look back at your life. It’ll all be there. Good luck to you 😊

@TheRussianDoll thank you for sharing that , I feel that I do know but my memory is shocking. My parents when asked said I was totally fine as a child but then I did re-ask the other day and she advised that actually she would really worry when I was out as a pre teen/teen as I didn't seem to understand roads. She would be less worried when I was with my younger sibling who could cross safely.

@JulesRimetStillGleaming Yes I was the same. I remember feeling outside of things all the time but outwards looking in I was popular and did well academically. I think it is the same with me, as with you, my resources for masking are being ground down now with work, second job, a child and retraining coming up

I am 44, got diagnosed yesterday and still processing the whole thing... why I got missed? First of all, I was diagnosed with a bunch of other MH issues which provided a good distraction. Anorexia when I was 11, depression for most of my 20s, generalised anxiety disorder more recently, on and off anti-depressants. None of the multiple therapists I had clocked that my mental health was kicking off at periods of significant change, or that the many things I did, skin picking, love of routines, hating noise and generally being "too sensitive" could add up to an ASD diagnosis.

I was a shy, socially anxious, quiet kid, and I used books to hide. I never had any friends but because I was "teacher's pet" and happiest when left alone studying, that wasn't a concern. The quiet girl grew up to be a somewhat quirky woman but like others, I learnt to mask like a pro. Ironically, I work in IT where quite a few guys in the team are either diagnosed or self-diagnosed with ASD and I always thought "I am so not like them". Well, I'm not, but then my wife was watching a documentary on autism and sent me a link to the test and to my surprise my scores were sky high. I started reading about how autism presents in females and plucked up the courage to go for an assessment. And it makes sense, it makes so much sense. As TheRussianDoll said, it was all there when looking back at my life.