Dirty looks/being rude/lacking diplomacy/looking at people funny etc

[AlternativelyWired]

Dd gets told she is rude. She's not, she's just honest and wouldn't think to lie or say something in a nicer way. She just says what she thinks although she does try really hard not to offend people. This got me thinking to back when I was a teenager/young adult and I'd get accused of giving people dirty looks. I'd be baffled as I wouldn't even realise I had been looking at them as a million things had passed through my head since that moment.

Now that I'm older I often find that DD's facial expressions match my thoughts when looking at something or someone. It's a processing face. It's not a dirty look, it's is trying to figure stuff out. It's not personal.

I've learnt to hold my tongue now but was always told as a child not to pursue a career in diplomacy. Even though I tried really hard to phrase things so as not to upset people I invariably did upset them and then felt guilty as hell.

I was reading a style and beauty thread earlier and it reminded me I how I can feel my face going 😧😵‍💫🤨🥴🫤🫡😐 when I see some of the eyebrows and orange foundation on the school kids getting on the bus for example. My face does it before I've even realised and I have to quickly put my face back to neutral. It's part judgement I admit but mainly my brain trying to process what I'm seeing. I look at people a lot and I've realised it's because I'm trying to comprehend the concept of normal and what other people are like. I find people both fascinating and alien. DD is the same and I can see her doing it even though she has no idea she is.
Can anyone relate to this?

I can feel my face going 😧😵‍💫🤨🥴🫤🫡😐 when I see some of the eyebrows and orange foundation on the school kids getting on the bus for example. My face does it before I've even realised and I have to quickly put my face back to neutral.

If you know that when you look at random strangers' faces, you involuntarily make faces that will make them feel judged and upset, why do you continue to look at random strangers' faces in public? It's not always possible to avoid looking at people's faces or making eye contact, but kids getting on the bus, you could just… not look.

🙄

Was that a deliberate eyeroll or involuntary?

So autistic people should just not look at people now?
Gtf

Get to fuck yourself with your bad-faith reading. If OP can't handle a suggestion from a fellow autistic person that, at no significant cost to herself, prevents hurting the feelings of a group of children for no good reason, then that's her problem. There's nothing about her autism that suggests she has to stare one by one at all the teenagers getting on the bus, so if she just looked at something else instead it wouldn't matter that she can't control her facial expressions. Just because it's a disability that we can't control doesn't mean we shouldn't take easy, simple actions that prevent that disability causing pain to others.

What makes you think I'm looking at kids one by one? I never said that. If someone is bright orange with foundation or fake tan or huge black fake eyebrows or eyelashes my face does it's own thing and flashes through various expressions before I can rearrange it into something more acceptable. I wear sunglasses rain or shine and of course masks helped well, mask my misbehaving face. The expressions are fleeting if glancing at strangers. To say I shouldn't look at people is ridiculous. Im hypervigilant due to past stalking and abuse and I'm also still trying to figure out people/society to try and fit in better, so yes, I look at people.

Sure whatever.

Your other post has been taken down again.

Teens do have a phase though where they interpret a lot of emotions as anger at them. Including fear.

This is absolutely fabulous in a house with three autistic people of which two of them are teens. Can you imagine the constant misinterpretation caused by wrong faces, wrong reading of faces and many many sensory meltdowns.

Also I have done the cajoling sing songs voice so.much with D's that now my normal voice is interpreted as being cross...

Dd really struggles to hear her own voice as aggressive or angry. She's really struggling in general so I cut her a lot of slack and gently point out that she sounds aggressive towards her little brother. She's also either very loud or very quiet and mumbles and usually the opposite of what she needs to be at the time. It makes for a lot of stress when I'm very sensitive to volume and noise in general. We are supporting each other well with our struggles as best we can. Mornings are tricky for Dd and my bedtime is tricky for me.

I'm still like this. I actually lost a job for it before I was diagnosed. They said I was aggressive to a manager in a meeting. I wasn't even angry!