Can years of masking break a person?

[Pupinski]

I'm 58 and have been referred for an ASD assessment (I think I may have ADD - is this assessed at the same time?). I was also diagnosed with ME 6 years ago.

Since my ME diagnosis I have lost contact with friends and never see anybody. This is partly because people just get on with their lives and lately because the effort of social contact is so draining for me (always has been, but more so now - I always used to force myself to make the effort).

Part of me is quite happy not trying to make contact with people and would be content never to have any contact with anybody - just me and my dogs. I get panicky when I have to deal with people - make GP/dentist appointments, etc. Another part of me feels guilty about this as this isn't how we're supposed to exist and sometimes, frankly, I'd love to have friends who I know cared for me.

Since being referred for ASD I've felt some relief and a bit of understanding of why I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. I've been wondering whether the ME is actually a result of decades of masking - trying to be somebody I'm not without being aware. I wonder whether my body and mind finally broke with the strain and gave up. Perhaps a bit of a niche question, but can anybody else relate?

PearCherryApple I have also taken myself out of circulation too - good way to describe. Also not sure how bigger crossover there is between my burnout and ME/CFS or any of the other issues I have it... or what the core issue is (possibly HMS/EDS in our family's case).

Same here. I just recently discovered that this and a number of other mental health issues can fall under the autism umbrella. So I am not someone with a collection of disparate mental illnesses but autistic. It all made a lot of sense and I have been able to understand myself much better which is healing in itself. Now that I am retired and my family are adults I have been able to let go of a lot of things that require a lot of coping mechanisms and am much happier for it.