I really do think I’m neurodiverse but I also don’t fit the categories for anything I’ve read about. I hope it’s ok to ask in case this sounds familiar to anyone. I hope this doesn’t sound offensive either, I’m obviously leaning on the stereotypes and main ‘symptoms’ from the nhs website. When I speak to people (gps/therapists / family) I may say something like I think I have adhd (or other) for x y z reason and they will say no, because if you have adhd you would be like x and you aren’t or you would struggle with y and you don’t.
but I just seem to struggle and find things harder or miss social cues or approach things differently to other people and I don’t know why. And there’s some things I struggle with that I don’t think anyone around me is doing.
some examples -
i really struggle with time, to an excessive amount, it’s like I have absolutely no concept of it. It’s often discussed amongst my friends and family and everyone presumes I’m selfish and just not considerate, or just one of those people that is late. but even important things like a huge work deadline I may think is a really long time away, then realise it’a very imminent and I get shocked. Or I really struggle to work out how long I have until an appointment and I really really try but it takes so much effort and I still make mistakes or misjudge and miscalculate timings.
I have got no sense of direction. At all. I regularly get lost walking the dog in my own neighbourhood and have to Google map my way home. I am really working on this and it’s getting better because I’m working so hard to try to notice ‘landmarks’ but I really panic if anyone gives me directions.
Im really really organised. But I have to-do lists everywhere and If I don’t have a list I won’t remember anything at all. And my to do lists also often contain things like ‘wash hair’ which I don’t think is ‘normal’.
i read a lot, and I can read fast. but after a few minutes, if I haven’t taken notes to jog my memory I would struggle to recall any details or even the main point of what I’ve read. It’s the same with movies, I don’t know what the plot was of most movies or shows I’ve watched. Also even though I read a lot I’m really not a great speller and my handwriting is virtually unreadable.
A Therapist suggested possible autism, but it looks like most people with autism are very observant. I could not tell you what colour my best friends hair is, unless I was looking at her. I really really struggle to remember peoples faces and have often been shocked to find out that one person I was speaking to at work, was actually two different people, for example two women that just both happened to have blonde hair. When I’m watching films sometimes I get confused because I can’t tell if a character is a new one or one we saw earlier.
I seem to be completely unable to ignore sounds and smells and have ‘dramatic’ reactions to them. - like I just cannot eat off a plate that smells, I’d rather not eat. But other people won’t really notice the smell. And I can’t ignore certain sounds.
im in my 30s and I don’t sort any bills or anything like that, I’ve tried to once or twice but it gives me anxiety and I just feel super tired even trying. it takes me hours to do a food shop, and I’m awful at cooking and other home things because I misjudge timings. DH sorts most things. Again maybe I’m just lazy.
Social situations are exhausting to me and I often do just need a day to do nothing at all, literally nothing. Which is also seen as me being really lazy.
ive always felt really left out, and like I didn’t fit in. When I talk I can tell people think I’m a bit ‘weird’ and I work hard to mask that. I don’t have many friends. I can often be either really distracted or hyper focused.
but on the other hand I love to study and read and learn new things. And I can happily sit in bed all day and watch tv and zone out.
if you’re still with me thank you for getting this far. No one around me seems to struggle with these things. I assumed I’d grow out of some of it, I’m genuinely not a selfish lazy person i don’t think, but I really do come across that way.