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Original poster

Would you take a pill that turned off your constant thoughts?

61 replies

ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:15

Please be aware that this is the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board

As an autistic, my brain makes connections and patterns constantly and has thoughts flying through it all of the time. It doesn't seem to slow at any point and it can be exhausting at times. I expect this is even more severe in the ADHD brain.

If a drug existed that could turn off these thoughts, would you take it?

The reason I ask is because I went through a stage of trying meditation and it never seemed to do anything but one time it felt like my thoughts had totally stopped, my mind went blank. It didn't feel calming though, I actually freaked out and have never done it since!
I'm not sure I'd want my thoughts to stop or to be like those people who have no internal dialogue.

OP posts:
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 22/04/2022 10:21

No, because I've been down the route of medicating to try and quieten my brain, and every single thing I tried made me feel a whole lot worse and more out of control. The drugs that did have an effect made me dissociative, noticeably sedated, and created even greater mental disquiet than I had normally, because it was impossible to distinguish my actual feelings and emotions from those that were an effect of the medication.

If you offered me a drug with no side-effects whatsoever I still wouldn't take it, because without the constant monologuing, racing thoughts, multiple simultaneous threads, and background music and historical experiences on loop, my brain simply isn't "my" brain and an inherent and entirely necessary part of me vanishes. It's not pleasant.

Gatekeeper · 22/04/2022 10:25

Is this common with a neurodiverse brain? Asking as this describes mine and becoming more so as I get older. Wondering now...

BoardLikeAMirror · 22/04/2022 10:26

I am used to the way my brain works but it might be useful sometimes if I could switch them off just for a couple of hours, say, when I am trying to get to sleep.

I have never found any kind of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety meds effective. At best, they do zero, at worst, they make me feel dizzy and sick.

AchillesPoirot · 22/04/2022 10:26

I tried various drugs that were supposed to help this. They didn't.

I wouldn't want to now - it's part of me. Makes me who I am. And I'm ok.

MadAngryCry · 22/04/2022 10:28

If there was a drug that had no side-effects and lasted maybe, two hours, then yes.
I remember when I realised other people can just... not think. It was such an alien concept to me.

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:29

Agree with all the points.
I tried antidepressants once and also disassociated and it was just awful.
I prefer my brain doing what it does, anything else scares me.
I drank a lot in my 20s to numb it a bit though which is obviously not a good strategy.

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newbiename · 22/04/2022 10:32

After a particularly bad night last night , she d say yes to a night time med.
I've got ADHD and am not medicated , I am too worried about the side effects.
Maybe I should re think ?

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:32

@Gatekeeper

Is this common with a neurodiverse brain? Asking as this describes mine and becoming more so as I get older. Wondering now...
Yes, I'd say probably all ND people struggle with this. I've never heard any say that they don't. I could just sit all day and follow my thoughts, the train of patterns is fascinating. I do find it takes over my life though as I spend a lot of time just following my thoughts and end up googling stuff all day. Constant information collecting.
OP posts:
newbiename · 22/04/2022 10:32

*I'd

newbiename · 22/04/2022 10:33

@Gatekeeper

Is this common with a neurodiverse brain? Asking as this describes mine and becoming more so as I get older. Wondering now...
I find it is.
BoardLikeAMirror · 22/04/2022 10:34

Constant information collecting

Do you find if you go out for the day, you come back with a really long mental list of things to google? That always happens to me.

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:36

@BoardLikeAMirror

Constant information collecting

Do you find if you go out for the day, you come back with a really long mental list of things to google? That always happens to me.

Yes!! Going to a museum can actually sometimes be stressful for this reason, especially if I've taken the kids. I really want to go to one on my own one day with my phone and a notepad. I would spend the whole day there.
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AchillesPoirot · 22/04/2022 10:38

I'm actually doing the following my brain thing today. But that's grand coz I get paid to do that 😂😂 (it relates to my job)

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:39

@AchillesPoirot

I'm actually doing the following my brain thing today. But that's grand coz I get paid to do that 😂😂 (it relates to my job)
That's the dream Grin
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Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:40

I was thinking the other day, I actually feel as though I coped better before I had the Internet. I would use libraries incessantly but, because I didn't have answers at my fingertips I never went down information rabbit holes day after day.
I can lose a whole day to Google.

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MistyFuckingQuigley · 22/04/2022 10:45

I would definitely. I would love to not be in my brain sometimes.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 22/04/2022 10:48

Gatekeeper · 22/04/2022 10:25

Is this common with a neurodiverse brain? Asking as this describes mine and becoming more so as I get older. Wondering now...

Yes, it's pretty common, and it's one of the reasons we commonly get misdiagnosed as Bipolar, because racing, disordered thoughts are a symptom of Bipolar hypomania/mania.

There's more to it than that, because co-morbid depressions ND people frequently encounter are also mistaken for Bipolar 'lows', but in essence, yes, 'noisy' brain is common in ND people.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/04/2022 10:49

BoardLikeAMirror · 22/04/2022 10:34

Constant information collecting

Do you find if you go out for the day, you come back with a really long mental list of things to google? That always happens to me.

Me too. But is that a ND thing, or does it happen to everyone/most people? Plus accumulation of general 'to dos' etc. Genuine question.

I can't imagine going to a museum and not wanting to look more into a few things that you saw. Or going out for a walk and not having the endless 'when I get home, I'll do X, Y or Z' thoughts, eg flea the cats, check if we have any ketchup, put the washing on etc and need to note it in my phone or else I'll forget. I walked for an hour yesterday and came up with 4 things to buy after I'd left the supermarket Hmm and 5 things to do/research/buy online.

SisyphusDad · 22/04/2022 10:50

Well, it would make a change from wine Grin

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 22/04/2022 10:54

SisyphusDad · 22/04/2022 10:50

Well, it would make a change from wine Grin

It's funny how apt this is.

I very occasionally get the overwhelming urge to get completely blotto. It's not a craving for alcohol, there are just rare occasions where I want some intense company that normally I would struggle to cope with, so I'll go out and socialise, have a great time, and also get completely blind drunk. I know what alcohol does to me, I stay relatively coherent and cogent no matter how drunk I get, and I know it wears off soon enough when I stop drinking.

It is absolutely self-medication, but I find it far more reliable, predictable, and effective than I have ever found any psychiatric drug.

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:55

@BarbaraofSeville

Me too. But is that a ND thing, or does it happen to everyone/most people? Plus accumulation of general 'to dos' etc. Genuine question.

I can't imagine going to a museum and not wanting to look more into a few things that you saw. Or going out for a walk and not having the endless 'when I get home, I'll do X, Y or Z' thoughts, eg flea the cats, check if we have any ketchup, put the washing on etc and need to note it in my phone or else I'll forget. I walked for an hour yesterday and came up with 4 things to buy after I'd left the supermarket Hmm and 5 things to do/research/buy online.

It's not a to do list, it's things to research. For example, if I take the kids to the park I can possibly come back with a list to Google such as:
  1. How long does a blackbird egg take to hatch
  1. A photo of a plant and a list to find out whether it's an annual or a perennial and which soil it needs
  1. Whether or not its legal to have dogs off the lead there
  1. Watch a video on how to make a dry stone wall because I've seen one

I can then end up wasting a whole day going down a rabbit hole with one or more of those things and anything that was on my supposed to do list, like de flea the cats gets totally forgotten.

I can even end up with a special interest from one of the things I noticed, for example, the dry stone walk one. I might watch videos of it for weeks, join a course and even try to build my own.

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KylieCharlene · 22/04/2022 10:56

If my thoughts were turned off that void would be filled with sheer panic.
I'm so used to all these random thoughts that having a period of quiet would freak me out.
I've tried antidepressants in the past but they make me more anxious as I worry I'm essentially shutting myself down iyswim and worry I'm not in control.
At least the thoughts I'm having are MY thoughts and are ME.

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 10:56

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

It's funny how apt this is.

I very occasionally get the overwhelming urge to get completely blotto. It's not a craving for alcohol, there are just rare occasions where I want some intense company that normally I would struggle to cope with, so I'll go out and socialise, have a great time, and also get completely blind drunk. I know what alcohol does to me, I stay relatively coherent and cogent no matter how drunk I get, and I know it wears off soon enough when I stop drinking.

It is absolutely self-medication, but I find it far more reliable, predictable, and effective than I have ever found any psychiatric drug.

It's true I gave up drinking at Christmas because I can't stop when I start but it literally was the only thing to slow down those thought processes.
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Pixiedust1234 · 22/04/2022 11:06

Well ....flip. I can see which board this is but I have constant thoughts. I thought everyone did Blush

And no to a pill. Just once in my life my brain switched off for 5 minutes when in a car. I nearly cried because I was so terrified that my brain wouldn't think again. It was really really scary.

((Sorry if I shouldn't be posting in here))

Original poster
ofwarren · 22/04/2022 11:12

I've already spent two hours this morning researching whether all black cats are really brown, because one of mine looks brown in the sun.
Fascinating but it takes up so much time.

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