NC for this so I can answer honestly.
I think it’s one of those where the reality is likely to be different to a hypothetical situation.
I have a gay brother. He came out to my parents a few years ago in his mid 30s, but they had their suspicions so were really pressuring him to marry until then. They have not disowned him or said anything unsupportive to him, but genuinely I don’t think they understand homosexuality because it’s not an open thing in their home country.
They think being gay simply means having gay sex so they don’t understand why he can’t just marry a woman. They also don’t believe it genuinely exists and see it as a lifestyle choice so don’t understand why he’s choosing it rather than the simpler option of a wife and family. They often pray that he will find religion again, and that a woman will cross his path that he will be so mesmerised by that he’ll drop everything and marry her. They often wonder what happened to him in his teens to take him down this path. They blame his first holiday abroad and are convinced he was led astray by someone gay.
They come from a culture and religion where homosexuality does not exist. The funny thing is I tell them it does exist in their home country but very hidden away and they say well there were men who slept with other men but it’s because women couldn’t have sex before marriage so they slept with other men to meet their needs.
My parents are university educated professionals…they just don’t believe homosexuality exists.
They’ve never said any of this to my brother. Before he came out they often said being gay is one of the worst things someone can be, so they were very closed minded about sexuality. When he came out he was quite upset so they said all the right things about how he’s their son and they love him no matter what. And they’ve never treated him differently. They just asked that no one finds out, and that is their biggest fear - that someone from the community will find out.
Recently, extended family started to gossip that my brother is gay and it got back to my parents - my brother is 40, never had a girlfriend, all his Facebook friends are open gay men and he has the pride flag posted, so it’s pretty obvious. My parents were devastated and my mum’s health took a turn for the worst. I had to reassure them they know nothing, it’s just speculation, but it was tough on them.
The biggest test will be when my brother meets someone serious. I do believe they will accept that my brother has a very close friend. But whether they would attend a gay wedding, I don’t know.
But that’s why I say reality is likely different to to a hypothetical situation. My parents were and probably still are in that 93%. But when faced with the reality of having a gay son, they’ve shown nothing but love and kindness. My brother has other gay Muslim friends whose parents have all had the same response - acceptance, but please don’t let anyone find out.