Live chat with Libby Purves, Wednesday 28th February, 9.00 pm

[Mariaherron]

Hello, could you give me some advice about compulsory school age?

we live in northern ireland and the law here states that children must start school in september if they are four before 1st july in the same year.

This means that my son Jack is supposed to start primary one in September when he will be only four years and three months old.

i have contacted the department of education to explain that i think jack is too young to start formal education and i would prefer if he could start when he is five, just like his older brother and sister (they were both born in the autumn therefore were older at the start of primary one)who were ready to go into primary one.

the department so far have told me that this is the law and that he can only stay back if he has special needs.

there is very compelling research which suggests that children are generally starting school too young in this country and that boys in particular are getting a raw deal from being in this environment too early .

i am aware that the law is different in England and Scotland and if we lived there, jack would not have to start school until he was five.

can you give me some advice as i am finding the system very inflexible. thanks.

Dear Libby,

My husband and I would like to escape the rat race with our children (aged 4 and 6) - either by travelling around Europe for a few months or by moving home to the seaside or abroad. I enjoyed reading your experiences of sailing around the UK with two young children and would like to know the good and bad points.

Thanks,

MaryLou

Wombat,
It's hard if you had a lot of negatives. It might help to find a church community you are comfortable with now, and spend some time there; make church a place you all sit quiet with your thoughts, or even just go to concerts, and listen to the music and let the spirit rise free. You should work out what you truly believe in - however little it may seem - and let them know, in casual conversation, what you feel. You could encourage them to pray, and tell them it can be a private habit; and to appreciate the wonder of small, natural things in the world.

Libby,

Thanks for your thoughts. I'll have to read the rest of your 'wisdom' tomorrow in the transcripts - if I don't get to bed now,they may not get to school on time in the morning. I've enjoyed this chat!

Cl,
I'm afraid I am in favour of caving in, and having them in the bed if they insist. It doesn't last long usually, and is often caused by some sudden new fear or worry which gradually fades away. As an exhausted friend used to say, over the head of her clinging toddler, "Hell, if cuddles are the answer, at least they're bloody free". Don't wear yourself out fighting. The good thing about phases is that they pass.

Thanks Libby,

I don't know if thats' good or bad advice I just know it's exactly what I wanted to hear!!

Hi Libby - Thanks for answering my earlier question regarding children sharing rooms. I agree with you entirely on the advantages of a communal bedroom. However, I do find myself rushing into the room as soon as my baby wakes up in the night, fearing she may wake her older brother up (which she occasionally does), when I'm sure she would often go back to sleep if I left her. Because I tend to her so quickly, she is in the habit of frequent night-time waking. Sleep-training is an option but would obviously wake my little boy up. Did you have this problem at all? I hate the idea of them sleeping in separate rooms but would love a decent night's sleep.

Ems,
Hassle free? Hahahahah! The trick is to have a garden. The other trick is to hire or bamboozle a pair of cheerful, strong-minded teenage girls for the afternoon. Then get a giant paddling pool and lots of buckets, floating balls etc and tell them to organize a game and not drown anybody. If you have a slope, put a long strip of polythene down it and dribble a hose down from the top so everyone can slide down, shrieking, on a home made flume. Switch the garden sprinkler on. Buy one of those 4ft diameter giant beach balls and let everyone punt it about, screaming (put barriers round your favourite flowerbeds. You can hire crush barriers from event organizers or borrow them from your friendly local police, with a nod and a wink..).

In other words, ORGANIZE the mayhem. There'll be mayhem anyway, so make sure it's the kind you organized. Then call a halt to it and summon them all to eat when they're exhausted.

Then and only then...the video.....
sorry...

Hi folks

Libby's had to go now for tonight, but promises to try and pop back and answer some more questions at a later stage.

Thanks to everyone for taking part and thanks to Libby for all her advice.

Thank you for you advice earlier my sister has a question for you.
Dear Libby, Hi my name is Suzanne and I am 18 years old and 5 months pregnant with my boyfriends baby. I live with my parents and he lives with his sister. Last week Jerry and I got into a fist fight. I was all upset and smashed two windows out of his car. I have been very emotional and my hormones are going crazy. I don't get along with his sister. (she is older and is married with 3 kids) She has a lot of influence on Jerry. He hasn't been calling me. He says he loves me then he says he's not in love with me. I'm confused. I don't see me being with this uy for the rest of my life but i am so stressed out right now that I really want him here through my pregnancy. I cry all day long feeling lonely, and hurt. What would you suggest for me. Should I leave him alone or keep calling and trying to work things out?

Jac

Don't worry. It's common enough, and harmless. Just remind her before she goes to school that silly poo talk is only for inside the family. She
probably knows this really. It's rare for a happy, well adjusted child to shriek poo-words at school.The problem comes when they hear too many routine swearwords, and start introducing them. Or when the family only uses adult words, on principle, about bodily functions. Much worse when children shout "Arse face" or "Dickhead!" at their teacher. Nobody minds poo too much...

Thanks Libby