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Original poster

On-line chat with Dr Linda Papadopolous

67 replies

rachel(mumsnet) · 09/10/2007 21:02

Dr Linda Papadopolous will be joining us on Friday 12th October between midday and one o'clock for an online chat with Mumsnetters.

Linda is one of the most well-known and respected psychologists today. Known by the public for her regular appearances on TV shows such as Big Brother, Richard & Judy, GMTV and Celebrity Fit Club. She is also the resident psychologist for Cosmopolitan magazine.

Following a report conducted by Bold 2-in-1 that found that one in four mums admit to having less than ten minutes to themselves a day, Linda is helping to promote a nationwide campaign called 'me-time for mums'. She is happy to answer your questions on how to tackle the pressures of motherhood and find more 'me-time' rather than constantly feeling stretched and inadequate.

Linda will be joining us for an hour on Friday at midday, so get your questions ready and join us then.

If you're not able to join us on Friday, please post advance questions here.

Thanks, MNHQ

OP posts:
munchkinmum · 11/10/2007 22:10

I SO echo the thoughts and questions of Cris and dissle.

I have got the afternoon off work tommorow (they owe me time) and I just know that I'll be straight home doing washing, ironing, cleaning, etc.

How do I stop myself from doing this?

TheWorstMotherInTheWorld · 12/10/2007 00:20

Hi, I'd like to know how previous generations of SAHMs managed not to go mad - how on earth did they ever get any me-time when they didnt even have washing machines etc? Maybe if we knew the answer to that question we could apply it to our own tattered lives....

moondog · 12/10/2007 00:29

Oh God,not her.

Can't we have someone more cerebral who doesn't spend their entire professional life appearing on shite tv shows?

And a washing powder advertisement campaign for 'me' time. How naff.
The only reason any company promotes 'me' time is when thry think it means we will have more time to buy their shite.

Novacane · 12/10/2007 00:48

Worstmother- they were all on speed weren't they?

klover · 12/10/2007 09:14

Hi Linda, I have a dd of 18months who is very demanding, she has not started talking yet, not 1 word and has terrible tantrums. I think these tantrums are to so with her not being able to communicate what she wants. She has little understanding of simple tasks like bring me you shoes etc. My partner is suffering with depression which i find very difficult as i take the brunt of his moods. I cannot get any free time away from either of them as my partner cannot be trusted to look after dd with the current frame of mind he is in. I feel as though i am getting too tired with looking after dd and partner. What do i do? Please help.

sammysam · 12/10/2007 09:36

How do you stop yourself from feeling guilty taking some me time when (if) you ever get any time you know there are 101 things that need doing that you won't get a chance to do if you take the me time-iyswim?
especially when your dd, almost 15 months has huge tantrums when not giving her 100% of your attention and has not been left with anyone else (partly due to circumstance)-dp and I had our first evening out last night since she was born (my first evening out!)

my dp works so hard and as i'm a sahm i feel guilty asking for help as this is 'my job'.

plus 5 or 10 mins wouldn't be enough as i wouldn't even be able to wind down and clear my mind of things that need doing in that time!!!! and definately not relax!

as i'm typing dd was crying as i wasn't giving her full attention so now i'm nursing her!!!

How do you do it?!

3littlebeasties · 12/10/2007 09:39

Hi Linda

I'd really like some tips on how to 'switch off' from all of the demands of motherhood. I have 3 boys, the eldest just turned 5 and started school this term, and the younger ones are almost 3 and 1 year.

I'm a full time mum and love it, but am finding that it's very difficult to give my husband the time and attention he deserves, mainly in the [ahem] bedroom department . Apart from being completely knackered by bedtime, I also find that I can't stop my mind running over and over all the things I have been doing / should be doing / will be doing tomorrow etc which kind of gets in the way of any, erm, intimacy as it were.... My poor hubby is, I think, getting a little frustrated. I can't even get into a good snog without clamming up cos I start worrying about the ironing basket, or the fact that my son hasn't eaten his packed lunch for the 3rd day running, or listening out to see if the baby's cough is better...... the list is endless!

I need to sort this out before it becomes a big problem. It's already starting to get me down . Any suggestions?

Original poster
rachel(mumsnet) · 12/10/2007 12:03

Hello and welcome to Dr Linda who is joining us now to answer your questions....

OP posts:
ChampagneSupernova · 12/10/2007 12:14

Hi Dr Linda!

Lulumama · 12/10/2007 12:14

hello!

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 12:14

Dear 3littlebeasties,

A great way to ensure that you make time for romanace is to actually make a point of making time for it! I know that is easier said than done however so a great tip is to start by having a night a week that is your 'date night'. That means no TV once the kids go to bed; having a meal and some quality chat time together puting on some music (always a great way to get in the mood ) and the rest should follow naturally. The point is that like anything in life, you will get out of your relationship what you put into it, and you deserve to feel like a woman as well as a mum.

Lulumama · 12/10/2007 12:16

what should be the priority?

me time

family time

time with DCs

time with DH

how do you get past the whole thing of being pulled in every different direction?

and that is before you have friends and any other demands on your time!

Anna8888 · 12/10/2007 12:19

Dr Linda

When you are a very efficient and organised person (like me ) how do you get over the fact that other less efficient and organised people see you as fair game for picking up the slack in their lives?

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 12:21

Dear sammysam

If you feel guilty look at it like this: if you burn your self out because you come so low down the bottom of your list of priorities than this will have an impact on everyone you love and who loves you. I get not being able to unwind for just 10 minutes, but it is so important that you learn to delegate, ask and accept help when its ofered so that you can ensure that you get at least some time each day for yourself. Challenge the idea that you need to have a perfectly clean house or that all the ironing needs to be done at once and prioritize those things that will give you the satisfaction and emotional energy to deal with the demands of rasing a family.
Hope this helps

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 12:26

Dear Lulumama

Perhaps its about having a list that is flexible enough to adapt to your life as your life changes. So instead of always having to put yourself after baby, husband, work etc. it may be the case that you take each day at a time and look at which needs are nost pressing- this of course means that you need to acknowledge that your needs are just as important as your loved ones something that unfortunately, a lot of women find hard to do.

WolverineBagdirt · 12/10/2007 12:26

what do you think of the producers choices for house members on Big Brother?

Exploitation?

and do we really need to know the ins and outs of their pysches?

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 12:34

Dear Klover

It sounds like you are going through a really hard time and that you feel very alone. I think the first point is to ensure that your partner takes some responsibility for his codition, that means getting the right type of professional support- you are his partner not his therapist and it is important for both of you that he is able to address his depression. With regard to your daughter, many children take a while to speak but if it is worrying you why dont you try speaking to your doctor about it or asking for a referral to a paedeatrician- this will hopefully make you feel more in control of the situation. Finally, it is vital that you take care of yourself- if you can enlist the help of family or friends to help out with the baby while you spend a little time each week doing something that is just for you and totally relaxes you that would be great. If they are not available look out for mother and baby groups in your area that you can join, making links with other moms means that you can work together to give each other a break when you need it.

ChampagneSupernova · 12/10/2007 12:35

Ooh good question Wolverine
Do you think Big Brother has gone too far now?

FeistyFran · 12/10/2007 12:40

Nearly forgot this was on.
Hi Linda!
Please answer my question from Thu 11-Oct-07 18:26
thanks

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 12:46

Dear Worstmotherintheworld (now there's a scary nick name!)

I think the diffrence between women of our generation as compared to those of a few decades ago is the fact that we need to occupy so many more roles today, and we feel that we have to live up to unrelistic representations of perfection that are far too often projected by the media. So whereas the 1950's housewife might have felt tired at raising the kids and doing the housework, we feel the tiredness but added on to that the guilt of not getting back into our size six jeans 10 minutes after we give birth, not having the time to divulge the complete baby Einstein curriculum to our new born every morning and not being able to juggle that high powered job that is supposed to give us all that self esteem! On top of that of course is the fact that our grandmothers where much more likely to live near family and friends that could support them, the saying "it takes a village to raise a child" couldn' t be more true- these days of course we tend to live further away from where we were born, thus limiting the traditional support we would have had from family. Hope this makes you feel a bit better!

WolverineBagdirt · 12/10/2007 12:46

where's she gone?

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 12:57

Dear Clarissa (Cris)

As a mum myself I genuinely believe that guilt, at least to some extent, goes along with the territory. However what helps is being able to look at the "shoulds" and "have to's" that elicit the guilt. Many times they come from our upbringing or from the media or even from other moms. And that is why what you should be asking yourself is "is the thing that I am worried about important to me as an individual or have I bought into someone else's issues". The more you are able to find a balance that feels right for you, the more you will be able to cope with the guilt, and get the personal time you deserve.

Hope this helps.

RubyShivers · 12/10/2007 13:00

Hi DrLinda

DrLinda · 12/10/2007 13:01

Dear Anna888

The easier you make it it for others to avoid pulling their own weight the more they will rely on you. Ensure that you stick to clear boundaries about who is responsible for doing what and make a point of not cleaning up other peoples messes- no matter how much you want to- Talk about what your expectations of each other are and if possible have consequences for those who dont pull their weight- eventually they will get the message.

Original poster
rachel(mumsnet) · 12/10/2007 13:05

Well the hour's up now....that went quick. Thanks to Dr Linda for visiting Mumsnet. We hope you found it useful and we're sorry that Linda was unable to answer all your questions.

OP posts: