Webchat with Brendan Cox on Tuesday 16 May at midday

[BojanaMumsnet]

Hello

We’re pleased to announce a webchat with Brendan Cox on Tuesday 16 May at midday.

Brendan is the husband of the late Jo Cox MP and an international campaigner and activist. Previously, Brendan was Chief Executive of Crisis Action from 2006 to 2009, then served as Special Adviser to Gordon Brown before joining Save the Children as Director of Policy and Advocacy.

Brendan has spent the last 18 months developing an initiative to build open and welcoming communities in the UK and around the world. He is currently working on a campaign called The Great Get Together for the Jo Cox Foundation, which will be the biggest neighbourhood celebrations since the Jubilee street parties, taking place on 16-18 June. The idea is for people to set up events in their own communities: this could be a street party or a shared barbecue, a picnic or a bake off. If you’d like to find out more, please visit this link. We’ll also be hosting our own Mumsnet get together that weekend - please look out for our thread closer to the time!

Please do join us on the day - Tuesday 16 May at midday - but if you can’t make it, post a question in advance on this thread.

Please remember our webchat guidelines: one question each, with a follow-up to the webchat guest's response if appropriate; please don't keep posting 'what about me/please answer my question'; and please be civil/polite.

Thanks
MNHQ

Hello,

I'm here and thank you for inviting me.

@MrsHathaway

Another Woolly Hugger checking in; already signed up for the Great Get Together.

People seem angry, frightened and divided on so many political issues at the moment: it's heartbreaking, and absolutely the opposite of what Jo stood for you. What is the biggest issue for you this election: what do you think is the area we should base our decision on?

I have followed you on Twitter for some time and have been greatly struck by your unshakeable dignity and composure. It is a great privilege for us to have you here.

Firstly, thanks for the blankets. I don't think the country is as divided as the media portrays it. What's happened in the last few years is not that people have become more extreme, it's just that the extremists have become more vocal and visible. As a country we find lots of opportunities to talk about the things we disagree with each other on from referenda to elections to football. And we are very bad at finding moments to celebrate what we have in common.

I think that one of the reasons the Great Get Together has had the pick up that we've seen, is because there is a underlying desire for togetherness and unity and what we're trying to do is to give that somewhere to go, to give it an expression. We need to find more moments to celebrate what we have in common because I think that is what represents who we are as a country not the angry and divisive voices at the margins.

@TresDesolee

Hello Brendan

What happened to Jo was deeply shocking. I'm very sorry for everything you and your family have had to go through.

How do you keep your optimism levels up? This past year has felt to me like an absolutely terrifying shitshow (UK and US, anyway. Mainland Europe seems to be escaping the worst of the madness).

I'm sure it's been a horrifying year for you on a personal level of course. What's your evidence or rationale for thinking that the UK can become a more united place? It feels like we're on a highway to division, anger and mutual incomprehension to me.

Jo and I were always optimistic people, although we worried about the state and direction of politics in recent years we also believed in the capacity of good people to pull it back to where it should be.

Jo's killing didn't change my view of the goodness and decency that define the vast majority of people in our country. After that act of evil there were tens of thousands of acts of compassion and kindness from people we never knew and it's that, I think, that defines who we are. My optimism is also strengthened by my kids, who have a lot of Jo's spirit in them, and throw themselves at life with a positivity and enthusiasm that is infectious.

Thanks for your reply. I'm not sure I agree that the fear and anger are simply over reported (though agreement and kindness is definitely under reported), but you've given me a good reminder to keep a look out for stories of co-operation and good faith.

@snowysnowstorms

Hi Brendan,

Thank you for doing a webchat and I am sorry for your and your family's loss. I too admire what you have been doing in the last year - wishing you all the best for the great get together

My question is: what got you interested in campaigning and policy? Do you ever think 'it's time for a change' and long to do something completely different? It seems relentless and exhausting to me, and I have a huge respect for those like yourself who keep fighting.

Campaigning has always been a part of my life and Jo and I met when we were both campaigning together for Oxfam. My campaigning started when I was volunteering with orphans in Bosnia whose parents had been killed in the civil war. I found that work hugely difficult but also some of the most important work I have ever done.

However, the damage that had been done to those children you could manage but you couldn't eliminate. And it then begs the question, why did it have to happen? What could have stopped it? What could we have done? I was very young when I first went to Bosnia and it instilled in me a belief that we have to not just pick up the pieces but try to stop the smashing of societies in the first place. I feel that more powerfully than I ever have.

I also think that was Bosnia showed me was how quickly a society can go from a highly functioning, diverse and successful to one characterised by hatred, division and ultimately violence. I think in the past I've been too complacent that something similar could never happen in the UK or western Europe and I worry more about that now than I used to.

@MissShittyBennet

Does it bother you when people, usually right wingers, fail to identify your wife's murder as a terrorist act?

I want people to know what happened and why. There's been a concerted attempt by some people to explain away what happened as the actions of somebody with mental health issues, or to downplay the political element - it's clear why they're doing this, but I think that the vast majority of people are clear on what happened.

The reason it's important is because we have to take on the hatred that drives this extreme violence - whether that is Islamist inspired terrorism or far-right/white supremacist inspired terrorism. The hate that drives them is the same: a belief that people of difference can't live together.

Our job is to show that we can, and do, and that the hatred of the extremists doesn't represent who we are.

@rubbishdaisy

Hi Brendan. Have often thought about you and your family over the past year and have always hoped you've managed to hold onto each other to find strength and comfort.

Do you have any advice for viewing Brexit in a positive light? I'm asking because it was such a huge shock to me and 11 months on I'm still trying to get to grips with it - and you seem to have such poise and calmness (not to mention a great deal of faith in your neighbours & fellow humans, which is something I am badly struggling with!). Any pointers to try and pick myself up would be appreciated.
I love the Get Together idea - street parties are one things we do well in this country and I think the initiative has loads of potential! I'll try and get involved for sure.

Wishing you & the children all the very best.

When I heard about the result I was obviously focused on other things but I thought about what Jo would think and I said at the time that she would remain optimistic about the future of our country and the importance of reuniting around our best values as a country. I think there's a danger in seeing the Brexit vote as the same populist phenomena as Trump for example. I think that lots of people voted for Brexit for entirely understandable reasons and motives. They weren't ones that Jo or I shared but they are a completely legitimate part of a political debate. The angry and vitriolic voices of people like Nigel Farage don't represent the vast majority of Brexit voters. So I remain optimistic that even with Brexit we can strengthen those fundamental values and the UK can continue to be a force for good in the world.

@HarrietMWelsch

Hi Brendan,

I just want to say thanks for chatting to us and for this fantastic campaign in the face of your great loss. I will certainly be encouraging my community to get involved.

My question is - Do you think the people are too cynical about MPs in general, and that there's a worrying level of hostility towards them? If so, is there anything we can do about this?

I think MPs have a very difficult job. It's one that when it's done well is almost all-consuming, a lot of the MPs that I know are MPs because they want to make a positive contribution to their community and their country. And that is true of people from all political parties. But what is also true is that there are a few bad apples who have given politics a bad name.

In terms of what we can do about it, like most things in life, I think it's about trying to put ourselves in their shoes and understanding the complexity of the judgments and the trade-offs that you have to make. We shouldn't assume that this group of people are any more venal or self-serving than any other group. I think sometimes the media and social media portrayal of them is very unfair and is rooted in a lack of willingness to try to understand what's really happening - it's lazy journalism.

But MPs also need to do a better job at being open about the dilemmas they're facing, the choices they have to make, and answering questions as forthrightly as they can.

@KipDynamite

Hello Brendan

I'm full of admiration for the way that you're preserving Jo's memory. My question is: where do you see the Jo Cox Foundation in 10 years?

We set up the foundation to fight for the issues that Jo cared about and we're working on everything from Syria to autism, loneliness to supporting women into politics. I wanted to make sure that the issues that Jo cared about weren't set back as a result of her killing. I hope that in ten years' time we will have had an impact on all of these issues. And that people will see them as part of Jo's legacy in the world.

@Stuffofawesome

Firstly can I commend you on your focus on that which unites us. Your approach in these troubled times is so good to hear.

I contributed in a small way to the woolly hugs blankets for your family. I hope they were well received.

If there was one thing you could suggest we could do to counteract the increasing hatred and fear of the Other in society what would it be?

Fear of the other is increasingly prevalent and the thing that cuts through it is meeting the other. You can see it from opinion polls: the highest levels of concern about minorities are in those areas where there are no minorities. It's very easy to be prejudiced or to hate people in the abstract, but when you know them it becomes very hard and your position becomes more nuanced.

One of the things I worry about is that we live increasingly atomised lives and one of the antidotes for that is getting communities together and building closer communities. We all want to live in closer communities: we want our kids to play with other kids on their streets, we want to be able to borrow a cup of milk from next door.

But that doesn't just happen - it's something we have to work at. That's where the idea of the Great Get Together came from - simply an excuse to bring people people together, to make contact, around the things that unite us.

@peponi

Hi Brendan

Thanks for coming on. It is wonderful to see that you are continuing Jo's work. Her name comes up frequently as we had many common friends (university/Oxfam). She was such an inspirational women. I hope you and the children are doing ok. It must be impossibly hard.

I have read a few times, both in interviews with Jo before she died, and since with Kim, that Jo's confidence was really knocked by her Cambridge experience. Kim said she used to detest public speaking but she ended up so confident and proficient.

What changed? What techniques did she use?

I suppose I am in a similar situation- from working class roots to a Cambridge degree and all the while suffering with imposter syndrome! Although I now work as a professional, I still struggle with confidence issues and public speaking. I would also dearly love to go into politics one day (being very pro Eu and labour-although not under the current leadership) and would love to hear how she overcame her fears.

Jo never overcame her self-confidence challenges, impostor syndrome, it's something that she always battled with. But I think that probably made her a better person, more humble, more empathetic. But while she didn't overcome her demons, she got much better at managing them. That came from experience, from her being brave and from putting herself out there and doing things she knew were outside her comfort zone. As she did each of those it made her more confident to take the next step. That started really with Cambridge but it went on through her working career.

Thanks for your answer, Brendan!

@JeremyCorbynsSugarBowl

Hello Brendan,

I was so shocked by what happened to Jo and can only begin to imagine what you and your family have been through. She was an inspiring lady, so thank you for carrying on her message and furthering her campaign work.

You and Jo have both worked in international development in the past. How do you counter the argument that we should 'put our own people first' rather than contributing to less developed countries?

Do you have any thoughts about the way Priti Patel is handling her international development brief?

I worry the Conservatives are going to do away with DFID - our foreign aid work and assistance is one of the only good things left about this country at the moment.

Thanks for doing this webchat, and I wish you and your family all the best.

I would entirely agree - as a country we should spend the vast majority of our time and money on securing the health, education etc of our own population.

But, that's not the only thing we can do. The aid budget is currently 0.7% of our national income (a tiny percentage) and has a huge impact in the world - it's the right thing to do in moral and ethical terms, but I also believe that it is the smart thing to do for our country. The impact of poverty and conflict no longer stays in distant countries. Whether it's a refugee crisis, global pandemics or terrorism we live in a highly connected world and it's naive to believe that we can cut ourselves off from it. Our aid budget and our wider development policy can make us safer and stronger as a country, as well as saving lives.

Thanks so much for your reply(and apols for typos in original post)

I totally agree with you. People who show vulnerabilities are so much more likeable. It's just a shame we are surrounded by overconfident who maniacs!

Who = ego

@Brokenbiscuit

Hello Brendan. I knew Jo at Cambridge - she was an amazing person and I was so shocked to learn of her tragic death last year. The dignity with which you have responded to what happened has been inspiring. My heart goes out to you and your beautiful kids. I hope that they know what a special person their mum was.

I really like the work that you're trying to do to bring communities together and I hope to organise something in my area. What a fitting tribute to Jo. I'm sure that she'd have loved it.

I have been wondering if you might follow Jo into parliament some day. It seems to me that we need more people like you in politics. Would you ever consider it?

Thakns very much for your support and great you're taking part in the Great Get Together!

Jo and I were both deeply political but for us politics was never first and foremost about Parliament and political parties, it was about causes and issues. Jo decided that the best way of advancing the issues that she cared about was to stand as an MP but at the moment that's not something I want to do. That's partly because of the state of politics but it's also because there's a bigger fight at the moment which isn't between mainstream political parties but is about the functioning of our society, about tolerance and our fundamental values. I want to focus on those at the moment. With two kids under 7, they are also my overriding priority and going into politics would reduce the time I could spend with them, and I don't want to do that.

@ScarlettClare

Hi Brendan! I'm a Labour supporting feeling pretty worried about the way things will go in the June election. What do you think about Jeremy Corbyn in the run-up to the election: do you think everyone who is Labour-inclined should support him, even if they have concerns about his leadership? Would you support a change of leader if Labour loses badly?

One of the things that worries me at the moment is the reduction in the number of people registered to vote and I worry that this election might have a low turn out. Of course, it will come as no surprise to people that I'll be voting Labour - but the most important thing is that we all get out and vote. Our democratic system will never be perfect, but as Winston Churchill said: 'Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others'.

In terms of Jeremy Corbyn - if he lost the election I'm sure he will want to stand aside to help rebuild the party, but we are a long way from that yet.

@VanillaSugar

This a brilliant and deeply moving idea. Thank you. It's just what the country needs right now.

My question is: how do we persuade the media to stop printing hate stories and fuelling the divisions within this country? It's easy to say "don't buy the paper, don't click on the website" but I do believe that certain elements of the media craftily manipulates us and then the damage is done.

Thank you. Seriously, THANK YOU.

I think that the power of print media is less than it ever has been. And that obviously social media is of increasing importance. There is risk in that but there is also opportunity for us to tell our own stories and build our own narratives. One of the mistakes we too often make is to lecture people about what they should think or to fire statistics at them. We need to get much better at telling stories that personify the things we care about. And the values we believe in. The far right have become much better at communicating in this way, they don't bother with facts at all, they tell stories. We have to tell our own stories.

In terms of those who are promoting hate, I think they need to be called out for it. I think regulators need to play a stronger role where it borders on incitement. I think that it has to have an impact on their bottom line if it's to act as a real disincentive. That's about the public's buying power and clicks and sales are a big part of that.

@AnotherAM

Hello! Another woolly-hugger here. I often think of the children. How are they liking their blankets? PS if they lose any "bits" (like my children would) more can be provided by the woolly hugs route, if it is still open

They're loving their blankets, though I'm currently fighting a moth infestation on my boat... all recommendations greatly appreciated!

The kids are on great form: they have a lot of Jo's energy and vitality in them and they remain confident and optimistic about life, but, of course, they miss their mum intensely. We've been planning our Great Get Together in lots of detail with them - from the food to the music - thinking about what Jo would have liked, and they are looking forward to their party to celebrate their mum.

@sunnyhen

Hello Brendan,

Thanks for coming here today. You and your family have been in my thoughts very much in the past few months. I wish you all so much strength and peace. So many people are rooting for you.

As a result of a number of events including Jo's death, Brexit, and me having two small children, I feel less inclined to take part in the usual mainstream political debating. I used to do a lot of protest and party stuff!

Instead, I've decided I am better off just 'doing' stuff locally and as a result I have volunteered with Guides and more recently am helping to get The Big Lunch/ Great Get Together happening on our street.
We're hoping to carry on our 'get togethers' in the form of "Playing Out' and seeking to organise regular sessions to close the street and enable kids to play freely and older residents to come and have a chat too.

I just wanted to bring this to your attention as I feel there is much scope to counter loneliness and increase social contact (a very sterile phrase!) by these gatherings. More info here playingout.net ( i don't work for them but am so impressed by their supportive approach).

Also, the phrase 'tolerant society' is very often heard. But how do we go beyond tolerance? I now believe that tolerance is putting up with something you don't actually like. Its also perhaps has a time limit on it. So, I wonder if you have any idea of how we can move beyond tolerance to just a society where 'belonging' is easy and for everyone?

Sorry - not very easy questions. Thanks for offering chance for me to share thoughts.

Good luck with the memoir and I, like many others, are looking forward to hearing more from the Jo Cox Foundation.

All the best,

sunnyhen

As I mentioned above, I think that the best response to intolerance is to build closer communities. It's very hard to hate someone when you know them. And it's impossible to hate a whole group. That's not to suggest that we'll all become best friends with each other or live in perpetual harmony with our neighbours, people will continue to play their music too loud or leave their bins out, but the important thing is that that's not the only way we experience each other. I think if we live in closer communities, we all do better out of it. They are safer, healthier places to live but also more enjoyable and fun places to live.

None of this is rocket science and closer communities is built up of very small steps - the idea of the Great Get Together is to simply provide an excuse for people to get together with their neighbours, provide food for the neighbours and celebrate what we have in common. It won't solve all of the issues our society is facing but it is a practical step that we can all make that could have a local impact as well as hopefully being a fun thing to do. When you put them all together and we think there are going to be over 100,000 events on that weekend, 17-18 June, that adds up to something quite incredible that we hope will start to shift some of the public narrative.

So with one month to go I'd love it if you'd all consider taking part in whatever form. It can be a huge street party or a little picnic. If you go to www.greatgettogether.org there are lots of materials and ideas. If you register, we can ping you an organiser's pack.

PS my favourite biscuit is a milk chocolate hobnob

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