Webchat with Dr Mary Aiken, leading expert in forensic cyberpsychology and author of The Cyber Effect: Thursday 8 September, 9-10 pm

[RachelMumsnet]

We're running a webchat on Thursday evening (9-10pm) with Dr Mary Aiken, forensic cyberpsychologist and the inspiration behind Avery Ryan, the leading character (played by Patricia Arquette) in CSI Cyber.

Mary's new book The Cyber Effect looks at the ever-changing effect of digital technology on human behaviour. She is particularly interested in the effect on developing children and the book aims to answer many of the questions Mary is frequently asked in her work: 'At what age can my baby start watching digital screen?' 'Is it okay for a toddler to play with an ipad?' 'Is there a connection between online gaming and ADHD in young boys?' 'Should I allow teenagers to spend hours on their smartphones?' 'Does technology contribute to social isolation?' and 'Can real relationships be formed in cyberspace?'

Join the discussion and put your questions to Mary on Thursday (8 September) between 9 and 10pm. If you're unable to join us on Thursday, then do post a question on this discussion thread before then.

Hello Mary. I'm extremely concerned about how unfiltered the internet is and how quick and easy it is for children' to access the most horrific of content.

Our two DC are currently 6 and 4 and although they are no strangers to technology (they have had supervised and limited access to age-appropriate games since they could hold a phone) we intend to make sure they have no private online access. Obviously we can't help what they see out of the house, but at home we intend to make sure that devices are for the family and stay in central family locations, not pockets or bedrooms for secret browsing.

Is this method going to prevent the problems we're worried about? Or are we kidding ourselves?

@HarHer

Hi,

How does the role of a forensic cyberpsychologist differ from that of a forensic psychologist?

Good question. Forensic science is the study of the physical evidence at a crime scene - fibres and fluids, in TV terms think CSI: Las Vegas. Forensic psychology focuses on the behavioural evidence at the crime scene, what we call the 'blood spatter of the mind', in TV terms, the show Criminal Minds. My area - Forensic Cyberpsychology - focuses on criminal behavioural evidence manifested in a cyber context, in TV terms, CSI: Cyber.

Hello! I am very interested in the possible link between ADHD and screen time as I am a SENCO and have someone in mind. Could you explain your thoughts on that in more detail?

@WhatTheActualFugg

Hello Mary. I'm extremely concerned about how unfiltered the internet is and how quick and easy it is for children' to access the most horrific of content.

Our two DC are currently 6 and 4 and although they are no strangers to technology (they have had supervised and limited access to age-appropriate games since they could hold a phone) we intend to make sure they have no private online access. Obviously we can't help what they see out of the house, but at home we intend to make sure that devices are for the family and stay in central family locations, not pockets or bedrooms for secret browsing.

Is this method going to prevent the problems we're worried about? Or are we kidding ourselves?

I am also very concerned about children accessing legal but age-inappropriate content online, for example adult pornography, extreme violence and self-harm content. The internet as it stands is an adult environment - there is no shallow end of the swimming pool online. In an age of ubiquitous technology, it is practically impossible for parents to fully protect their children online. People say use parental controls, but if you search 'bypassing parental controls' you will find a million results. And even if you can protect your child in your own home, what happens when they get a bit older and go to other people's houses or use public wifi hotspots? The point is parents should not be left to paddle their own canoes in cyberspace - society has a duty of care to protect children. As they say in Africa, it takes a village to raise a child - this too is true in cyberspace. I wrote the book to try and start this important conversation about how parents could be supported in terms of parenting online - I hope that parents will put pressure on those in positions of authority or governance to ensure that children are fully protected online.

Another follow up question - so do you think the devices and Internet fuel compulsion and an addictive nature or do you think it is possible to surf the net etc in moderation? I my case it was Apple devices which are so easy to use which seems to make me increase my time - I never had the issue with previous smart phones or tablets?

@CheckpointCharlie2

Hello! I am very interested in the possible link between ADHD and screen time as I am a SENCO and have someone in mind. Could you explain your thoughts on that in more detail?

This is a big subject and one that is not possible to answer quickly in this type of forum. However, I do comprehensively deal with this question in my book and would recommend that you pick up or borrow a copy and have a look at Chapter 2 - Designed To Addict.

I am not too strict with screen time as I find the more I try to control it ...the more the kids want it. My 14 y old dd is very focused and self regulates her time online but my son 11 isn't so great.....any tips for improving this in a gentle way other than strict time restraints which accentuate the problem.

How do you think children can be fully protected online? I don't know if there is an answer to that one.

@Woodenhouse44

I've read some articles/reviews about your book which I think sounds fascinating. I was interested in the chapter in your book about cyber-hypochondria. I know I'm guilty of self-diagnosis via the net - can you tell us a bit more about this - do you think it causes lots of problems for health professionals and the NHS?

Yes - many healthcare professionals are very concerned about the emergence of the 'google stack' in the consultation room - patients coming in armed with a papertrail of online searches and self-diagnosis. The main problem is that people tend to escalate during search and read about morbid and serious diagnosis - cyberchondria is anxiety induced as a result of escalation during online health-related search. Bottom line, you could be perfectly well and end up with a nasty case of health anxiety as a result of search. If you are feeling very unwell, I would recommend that you contact your doctor, not Dr Google.

If we can't put the lid back on Pandora's box, do we need to teach children resilience to what they will see?

It's a huge and horrible quaqmire.

@GloGirl

I think I heard you being interviewed on BBC Radio 4 recently and felt quite worried about your concerns over screen time considering how much TV I have let my young children watch

Would you say a TV or a tablet is more harmful for a preschooler if I want 5 minutes peace?? Would it be better to mix and match or actually, would you ban one or both entirely?

That's a good question. TV is a more passive medium - not as interactive and as over-stimulating as digital content, therefore if you have to make a choice in terms of entertainment, children's TV is probably better but only for children aged 2 and older. Personally I would recommend putting some toys on the floor e.g. building bricks or soft toys and allow your children to engage in unstructured play - we say that the less rules and the more unstructured, the better the developmental value of play. Try not to worry about exposure to screen time so far - focus on how your children engage with screens going forward. There's lots of advice in my book for parents on how best to engage with technology in the home.

It's in my Amazon basket now! Thanks. liney I'll post it to you after!

@7Days

How do you think children can be fully protected online? I don't know if there is an answer to that one.

At the moment, there is no such thing as being able to fully protect online. It's the same thing in the real world - full protection is not possible. However, we can try to limit risk - my point about the internet is that parents need more support and the only way they will get more support is by demanding it - this is about parent power.

Thanks, Checky

And thank you Mary Aiken for your web chat. Much appreciated.

@BlackeyedSusan

Screen time has a calming effect for my autistic child, do you find this is prevalent amongst autistic children and does it differ for NT children?

I discuss this in the book and I think it would be best if you read the chapters that cover this subject in detail. It's too important to just try and deal with it in a few sentences on this forum. If you are not in a position to get a copy of my book, send me an email via [email protected] and I will get a copy of the book to you.

@Jammygal

I am not too strict with screen time as I find the more I try to control it ...the more the kids want it. My 14 y old dd is very focused and self regulates her time online but my son 11 isn't so great.....any tips for improving this in a gentle way other than strict time restraints which accentuate the problem.

The best person to talk to your 11 yr old about controlling their screen time is probably your 14 yr old daughter - your son may be more likely to listen to his big sister rather than his mum :) Your daughter is handling her use of technology in a responsible way and she can pass on her tips to her brother. We call this peer-to-peer mentoring and it's very effective.

@Biscuitmadness

Addiction - I have a real issue with my six year old and the iPad - all of this started because I started him on school based mathlestics apps from reception and of course he wandered off to games - mind craft and all kinds of stuff - he loves YouTube too I am now stopping iPad and screen time during the week may cut it out during the weekend too and I was so shocked at how addicted he is and was - would find him in bed late at night with the iPad under his duvet - eyes looking bloodshot. He would scream and beg and beg for the iPad.

Worst of all he would get his 3 year old brother to sit with him watching all kinds of rubbish.

it is so much better without screen time that I feel incredibly incredibly guilty for the past use - I am addicted to my phone too via work and so on as I am a news junkie so love reading news in my phone so am conscious now of setting a good example.

What do you think about educational apps - I feel it just opened a window of potential addiction and fed a games habit?

First of all, the good news is that you have recognised that your sons are exhibiting problem behaviours in terms of their use of technology. Don't feel badly about previous use - they are still young and you have recognised that you need to modify their behaviour. I am very dubious about the scientific merit of some of these educational apps - I think you need to research them carefully before you let your kids play with them. Also, you need to be aware of your screen time (which you are!) and the example you give to your children. Feeling guilty is not constructive - try focus on all the fun things you can all do together some of which will be online but most of it should be good old-fashioned outdoor fun.

Thank you for your time Mary. I will try and get your book (on Kindle ) but it was so nice of you to offer a copy to Susan

@caitlinohara

I have always limited 'screen time' (somewhat inconsistently mind you) but have allowed my children unlimited access occasionally just to see at what point they would switch the tv/Wii/ipad off and go do something else. They didn't. Yet I have friends who gave their kids iPads from the age of 5 or 6 and their children are able to self-regulate and will put them down and find something else to do after maybe an hour or so. Ditto people who have the TV on all the time - their children are able to tune it out, whereas mine are seemingly hypnotised by it, regardless of what's on. Why is this?? Have I actually created a rod for my own back by restricting screen time?

All children are different so it's difficult to try and compare how you raise your children with how other people raise theirs. Best practice is no screen time for children under the age of 2 and limited screen time for older children. You are doing the right thing, stay with it and be consistent.

Our kids have to earn iPad/YouTube time by reading. I am not sure we will stick with this long term as don't want reading to be seen as 'lesser' but it helps regulate the time.

@Biscuitmadness

Another follow up question - so do you think the devices and Internet fuel compulsion and an addictive nature or do you think it is possible to surf the net etc in moderation? I my case it was Apple devices which are so easy to use which seems to make me increase my time - I never had the issue with previous smart phones or tablets?

I deal with this subject in great detail in my book The Cyber Effect - I'm not someone who believes in internet addiction. We cannot be addicted to air or to water - we need technology to live and to work. In my opinion it's not addiction but actually more likely to be mal adaptive behaviour. As humans, we have not adapted at the same speed as the introduction of technology but the good news is just like learning to stop biting your nails when you are stressed, you can also learn to change your behaviour online.

It's been a really interesting hour and we'd like to thank Mary for giving over her time to answer the questions and pass on so much information and advice. Find out more about this fascinating subject by reading Mary's book The Cyber Effect. Thanks to those who joined the webchat.

Thank you very much - fascinating stuff - yes no point feeling guilty anymore, my 6 year old still asked for the iPad tonight but he managed to go out for massive walk instead and then he picked up some books and read to his little brother until they both feel asleep.

Thanks v much your time answering questions. late time for a webchat I didn't realise it was now!

I think your webchat has finished now but I'd love to know more about why screen time is bad for under 2s and if there is anything that can be done to reverse complications that have arisen.

Thank you all. I think that was really interesting and useful.