Live webchat with baby sleep expert, Jo Tantum, Wednesday 4 March, 10-11am

[RachelMumsnet]

On Wednesday 4th March between 10-11am Jo Tantum will be on hand to answer all your questions and hopefully guide you and your babies towards a more peaceful night's sleep.

Jo is a baby sleep expert from Pampers’ Love, Sleep and Play expert panel with 25 years' experience and the author of bestselling book 'Baby Secrets'. She is a trusted name within the parenting sector and provides expert advice, literature and professional services to parents everywhere. Put the date in your diary to join Jo at 10am on Wednesday 4th or put your question to her in advance on this thread.

Over the past month Pampers has been working with Jo Tantum and parents across the UK to gather the most valuable and useful #BabySleep tips to help ensure a good night's sleep for babies. Now it’s your turn to share your #BabySleep questions and Jo will answer as many as she can get through on Wednesday 4th March.

This Q&A is sponsored by Pampers

Hello. My 4 1/2 month old daughter gets to sleep very late. Between 00.30 and 1 am. This means I get to have dinner with my husband and watch tv but most mornings I cannot do the school run. Especially if she wakes once or twice before 7.30 am. My husband will soon be back to work. How do I change her schedule? I top and tailost nights but it does not help her wind down.

Hey plz help me I have an 18 month old who is a nightmare sleeper

I'd he doesn't nap in the day he becomes a screaming wreck by 4 goes to sleep at at 7 but then wakes 10 times a night

I'd he does nap it's 11/12 pm he goes to bed sleeps through but is an overtired monster all say

Help what am I doing wrong

My baby boy Ivan will be 7 months tomorrow but cannot bear full weight on his feet. I have been to a pediatrician 3 weeks ago and he dismissed my complain with a wave of the hand. He said I should not bother the baby so long as he has met other developmental mile stones. Should I seek a second opinion or do I do as he said which is to come back if the situation persists after he is 9 months

Any advice on the nightmare that is Ds2's sleep gratefully received

Ds2 is now 1 and actually slept really well (10 - 6) until we weaned him at 6 months.

Since then he wakes multiple times throughout the night - anything from 2-3 to 5-6 times -screaming and I mean earth shattering, world is ending screaming. It takes hours to resettle him - we've tried water, milk, rocking, patting, pacing the house. Nothing particularly seems to help.

We now Co sleep because we are just exhausted but even then he will still stir frequently in his sleep (every hour and a half and believe me I've timed it) and then scream and howl as normal. It can take an hour to settle him even in with us. In his own room anything up to two hours and then it's through exhaustion than settling.

We have a good regular bedtime routine and he settles initially fine. Ds1 has always had an identical routine and sleeps fine. Ds2 just can't seem to stay asleep.

Paediatrician had no insight. Hv said we were too soft and to sleep train which we did for a week with no improvement except in the daytime nap. Nights were completely unchanged and quite frankly we were broken by the time we called it a day.

Ds2 is cow's milk intolerant and we've seen some small improvement since going completely dairy free but the waking still continues. We've not had more than 2-3 hours unbroken for 6 months. It's worse now than when he was a newborn.

What do we do? Help!!!!!

Oh and yes he has a dummy but again that isn't particularly useful mid screaming - nor snuggly toys, music box, light show etc. Thanks (in hopeful anticipation!!!)

6 month old attempting CC
Hi jo, I have a 6 month old and I tried cc for the first time last night (it wasn't the way I wanted to go but sleep deprivation has pointed me this way) it took 1/2 hour to get him to sleep with regular walk ins and ssshhhh and a hand on the chest. He woke at 11pm so we fed him. He woke at 1 and we sssshhh and hand and he went back to sleep. The PROBLEM was he woke at 4am and screamed till 7am pretty much, we changed and fed him at 5:30 but he wouldn't return to sleep. Any advise as it was tough last night and I need some encouragement to continue
Many thanks
Sammy desperatley seeking sleep

Hi Jo, I coud do with some advice about my DD. She is almost 2 and sleeps fairly well now 7-5.30 ish thanks to a couple of medications due to a medical condition which disturbs her sleep. Our problem is that she will only fall asleep on us ( on a chair in her room) and we then have to transfer her from us to bed which sometimes will wake her. How do we go about getting her to settle in her bed? She sleeps happily in a toddler bed but cries if we try to put her down when she is drowsy. Her routine is milk downstairs, book in her dimly lit room and then fall asleep on us until we can transfer her- usually 30 mins or so.

Any advice much appreciated as I now have a 5 week old DS and am dreading DH going away as I will have to try and manage them both and would find it easier to sit and feed DS ( cluster feed time) whilst DD drifts off.

Hi Jo.

Okay, the holy grail question, when realistically can you expect a baby to start to sleep through the night with no night feeds? My nearly 6 month old DD still has me up anywhere between 2-6 times a night for feeds and I'm exhausted! I don't want to deny her food if she's hungry and still needs feeds, but I'm wondering if I'm creating bad habits? Especially as she feeds to sleep. Help!

My "baby" is also 4, never slept well, reflux as a baby.
We seem to lurch from one problem to another. If it's not trouble settling its waking in the night or earky waking. We are currently getting up at 5.20 it's really affecting us all, DH and I are exhausted and have no "ahem" personal life astoo tired, We both have jobs which we need to be alert for and commutes.
Any suggestions, we'd love to be able to sleep till the actual mornjng.

Hi there, Jo is now with us and will start answering your questions at 10am. Jo is a specialist in baby sleep issues and deals with issues with 0-2 years. If there's anyone who has problems with toddlers and older children, email [email protected] where a toddler sleep specialist will be able to help out. Also visit Jo's website, Jotantum.com

Morning everyone, really looking forward to helping you in the next hour with your baby sleep issues. We're going to try and answer as many Qs as we can if we don't manage to answer your Q, you can always contact me on twitter @jotantum or on my facebook page - jotantumbabysleepspecialist or, as Rachel says, on my website. Best wishes Jo x

@Solasum

Hi Jo. DS 14mo is a pretty good sleeper really, on a very good night he stirs when I go to bed, then wakes up early in the morning, and, if given milk, will go back to sleep for a couple of hours.

Sometimes recently though he wakes up really screaming for no obvious reason, clean nappy, only a couple of hours after bedtime milk so not hungry, not in pain as I give Calpol. It can take a long time to settle him. Do you have any advice? Has he just had a nightmare?

Also, he is quite a skinny baby, so I can completely understand that he is hungry after being in bed from 7- say, 4.30/5. But obviously it would be nicer for me if he didn't wake up then. Is there any point ignoring him and trying to sleep train when I know he is hungry? I am sure he will grow out of it eventually.

Thank you

At 14 months he should be getting enough nutrition during the day. Is he having enough food in the daytime? Having protein for his evening meal will help, don’t give fruit for evening meals as that can sometimes cause tummy issues, like griping pains. He really shouldn’t need any milk during the night - this could in fact be disturbing his sleep, as when he wakes in the early hours he’s expecting milk and will therefore continue to wait. Just try and soothe him back to sleep rather than giving him milk – you could also try diluting the milk each night until it’s water, and that should stop him from waking. Maybe make an appointment to see your health visitor so you can make sure he’s having the right nutrients in the daytime.

@SleepyMummy45

My 8 month old dd wakes up every night and cries for two hours, nothing will settle her and she cries until she has tired herself out. We have a good bedtime routine established with our two year old who happily trots off to bed and rarely wakes up I used controlled crying with him at six months which worked in a 5 days and was fairly easy to do. Its just not working with her, she will go to bed and settle down by herself after a few minutes of fussing/crying, I am no longer bf her to sleep to encourage her to self settled. I have stopped bf feeding during the night as it only seemed to encourage her to wake more often. She has a dream feed at 1030 and I won't feed her again till after 0500, even when I have given in and fed her it doesn't help her sleep. No amount of back rubbing and shushing makes any difference, as soon as I stop she's off again, if I pick her up and rock her she is just wide awake and trying to look around. If she found any comfort in me sat by her cot all night I would but she doesn't. She is so loud and piercing that it takes nerves of steel to sit in her room with her during this time, my husband works away during the week. During the day she is a happy smiley beautiful baby, although she will not go down for regular naps. She might not need to sleep but mummy does! Any suggestions for all our sanity?!

You must be absolutely exhausted, at 8 months old as long your baby is having 3 meals a day and milk feeds she really shouldn’t need to feed in the night time. So actually feeding her as you have already realised can cause an issue. The key to getting her sleeping better is her naptimes in the day. She needs to be sleeping in her cot for at least one nap per day and will need 2 naps a day totalling 2.5 to 3 hours. The reason she is waking often in the night and is wide awake is because she is over tired and therefore then can't switch and go back to sleep whatever you do. Babies work on a 12 hour day and 12 hour night so try and stick to that, if she wakes early in the morning try and soothe her back to sleep rather than getting her up. If you follow this pattern for 7 days you will find she will sleep much better at night time.

@splendide

Hello! My baby is 18 weeks and I'm finding naps so stressful!

He sleeps usually 30 mins to an hour in the morning in his pram while I'm out then we try the lunchtime nap in his cot then I try for a late afternoon half an hour which is normally on me.

He used to sleep 2 or 3 hours at lunchtimeish and now won't sleep longer than 45 mins but then he's furious when he wakes up and I can't seem to get him off again unless I feed him to sleep.

I guess my specific question is should I be really persevering with the long lunchtime nap? Keep resettling? Feed to sleep if I have to?

Babies learn how to sleep in the day time and put that into practice in the night time. It seems like he's not having enough nap time in the day. At his age he should naturally be needing a nap every 1 hour 30 minutes – to 45 minutes. He will need 4 naps a day totalling 4.5 hours a day. So as you can see he is overtired which is why he gets so upset. When babies reach 4 months they have a massive developmental spurt which means that they become more aware of light and sounds. So it is really important from this age to use blackout, either in his pram or in his room. Also put him in his sleeping bag for nap times and try and have one nap in the day in the cot as you are doing. One of the other things you can try that helps babies sleep is a wave machine or a sleep app that play waves with continuous wave sounds. Use this for all of the nap time as this can help soothe your baby back to sleep. I would try and persevere with the lunchtime nap and try and get him to sleep longer as this is the nap that continues until he's about 3 years old.

@icklekid

Hi Jo, My 8 month old is so varied! Some nights he sleeps 6pm-5am some nights from midnight he will wake every hour! He's been night weaned for months so it's not hunger waking him. Most of the time I put his dummy in, white noise on and he's straight back to sleep but how do I get him to wake up less? He is teething so if he wakes really crying I give him ibuprofen but often hes just unsettled until I go in. The disrupted sleep is really hard as I often struggle with insomnia in the night. Thanks

You don’t say how often he sleeps at nap times as this can often be the cause of waking often in the night as he will be overtired by the time he goes to bed. At 8 months old he will still need to have 2 naps which total 2.5-3 hours. If he is teething he will wake often and will obviously need something to help him go back to sleep if he is in pain. Unfortunately I think the dummy could be the issue, a dummy is a sleep prop which means that when he wakes he needs this to go back to sleep and unfortunately you will need to go in and give him the dummy. I suggest you try a comforter, I use a muslin square knotted in the middle, this can be great for teething as he can chew on it and it is a light breathable material. You could also try a little bunny that has Velcro that holds the dummy on so he can start putting the dummy back in himself. Please don’t worry this will pass just try and work on the day time naps. Rather than white noise try a wave sound as I find this can work much better. Good luck!

@AlbaThree

Hi Jo

6 month old DD is usually good at sleeping when she eventually goes down for the night, however the earliest she falls asleep is between 12pm-3am. She usually sleeps for 5-8 hours at night, has a 1-2 hour nap in the morning and occasionally a half hour nap at some point in the afternoon. Even if she barely naps she still won't go down before 12pm. And even after nights where DD has had a crap sleep she's still wired the next day!

We've had a winding down/bed time routine in place for a few months - usually starting at 8pm and ending at 10pm with her bedtime bottle. I make sure she has plenty of tummy time, get her outdoors in the pram etc. but it doesn't appear to make any difference. She just seems to have endless energy!

She doesn't stay up screaming she just wriggles about a lot and babbles loudly to herself. She can do this for hours. She feeds well, and is on ranitidine and Gaviscon for reflux.

Recently had to go back to work p/t and not getting to bed until 12pm-3am is killing me. Any advice on coaxing DD into a slightly earlier bed time is welcome! Thanks

It sounds like your little girl is chronically overtired and overstimulated. Babies work on a 12 hour day and 12 hour night so as you can see she is already losing around 4 hours sleep every night so I am sure you are all exhausted! At 6 months she is going to be naturally tired after every 2 hours of wake time so she should still be having 4 naps a day totalling 4 hours per day. For naps use total black out, her sleeping bag and have stories and cuddles and I also suggest a wave machine or sleep app that plays continuous waves. Then put her in her cot and soothe her if she is getting upset. I often use a comforter at this age too, a muslin square knotted in the middle, as she can chew on it and hold it, and it is a light breathable material. You could also tuck this down your top because this smells of you, before you give it to her. If she is waking at 7 then her bedtime routine needs to start around 6PM with no stimulating noise or screen time. Have nappy-off time and bath time around 6:30 and take her in to her room to put her PJs on with low lights, you can read her a story and give her her milk. You will soon see after a few days of doing this consistently that she will start sleeping better and go down to sleep much easier. Good luck with this!

@DancingHat

Hi Jo. My just turned 2 year old started refusing to nap 2 months ago (so at 22 months). We got her night time sleep sorted by a sleep consultant last summer and she's been a dream child for 6 months. Now this!

She rubs her eyes, yawns, stretches, tells us she's tired but when we put her down for her lunchtime nap she gets a second burst of energy and is bouncing in her cot, chatting to herself, not crying, not upset, but definitely not sleeping! She gets out of her sleeping bag, takes her socks off and just generally runs round the cot (not moved her to a bed yet).

She does this whether we put her down before she's tired when she's tired, or when we know she's over tired. No time seems to be right. We've tried lunch before nap time and lunch after nap time.

Her routine is up at 7am, put down for nap at 12.30 (to fall asleep by 1pm), woken up/wakes herself 2.30/3 (depending on when she's fallen asleep. If she does fall asleep it's always for the full 2 hours) then bedtime at 7pm.

I know we need to change something or nothing will change but I've run out of ideas and my sleep consultant has stopped taking work on. At best she will have 1 nap in her cot a week. If she naps at the childminders (3 x week) she'll sleep in the car, never in a cot anymore. With me she will nap in the car but I'm not prepared to drive round for hours especially as I'm pregnant and could do with the nap myself! Really hoping you can help us. Thank you.

It really sounds like you need to get this sorted before baby number 2 arrives. At 2 years of age your lo needs to have an incentive to go for naptimes as it seems to be becoming a bit of a game for her. I would try to have a longer wind down time in her room, so having blackout and some wave sounds on that can calm an overstimulated toddler. Have a couple of stories and then say “have a good nap” to her. You could start having a reward chart next to her cot, this can have stickers on it and she can have a sticker on herself when she goes down for a naptime. I always start having a lucky dip box as well which can have cheap small prizes as an incentive for her to have a nap. At this age she still needs to have a nap and I would still persevere for this and use positive reinforcement to reward her for napping in her cot rather than getting attention by not having a nap! Is there any way that your child minder could possibly have some of her naps in the cot as this can also contribute to the issue as she is likely confused as to where she is having her nap and consistency is always key.

@Guyropes

Hi jo.

When my 1st dd was born, she absolutely refused to sleep on her back. I tried every which way as I wanted to follow the SIDS advice, but it was either sleep on front, or not sleep. I have since read on here that the sleep on back advice is because babies sleep deeper on their front. So the logic must be that if the baby barely sleeps, front sleeping is less of a risk for SIDS than if the baby slept fairly well on its back. Now I'm pg with another and worried i'll get the same thing again. So I'd like some more information about it so I can make an informed decision. What would your advice be?

There are some sleep issues that can be caused by medical problems so we suggest that you visit your GP to discuss this. I would always advise putting your baby to sleep on their back as babies haven’t developed their neck and back muscles and therefore if they are sick they cannot move their head out of the way or they face plant on the mattress and are at risk of suffocation.

@sheeplikessleep

Hello Jo,

I am desperate for some advice on tackling early waking.

We have 3 boys, 7, 4 (nearly 5) and 18 months old.

Our nearly 5 year old wakes every day at any point between 5am and 5.30am. He goes to sleep well at 7pm every night (often falling asleep to the story as he is so zonked, but also goes well to bed and falls asleep by himself otherwise). He's at school now and exhausted. He has always woken at that time, through the seasons (he wakes when his room is pitch black).

Our 18 month old is the same. He goes down at around 7, he has a breastfeed, we brush his teeth and then put him in his cot, he is drowsy but awake, sing him a song and pat his back. He (normally!) goes off to sleep. He sometimes wakes at 9pm and 10pm, husband goes in and cuddles him, and puts him back in his cot. He then wakes at any time between 4am and 5.30am every day. He has a breastfeed and is awake and ready for the day. We've tried my husband going in to settle him, which sometimes works, in that he falls asleep, but is awake again 10 minutes or so later. It's like his body is just destined for early wake ups. Other times he just refuses to go to sleep. I don't want to leave him to cry for a long time.

We are beyond exhausted, as are our boys and it's heartbreaking to see them rubbing their eyes at breakfast time and so tired.

Any advice very much appreciated. Thank you.

It really does sound like your whole family needs some sleep! At 18 months he really doesn’t need a feed between 7 and 7 as he is actually waking at light sleep cycles and the reason he is doing this is because something happens when he wakes ie a cuddle or a breastfeed. New born babies naturally do this for survival as they still need to wake often for feeds but at 18 months it sounds like your little one is still in this habit. So treat the hours between 7PM and 7AM as night time and soothe him back to sleep in his cot rather than take him out – rocking and breastfeeding him as these are all habits that have formed. Having a wave machine or sleep app that plays continuous wave sounds can really help babies and toddlers to sleep longer and be more restful at night so you can always use this with your other boys as well. Total blackout is always a must for early morning wakings as light stimulates and helps wake babies up fully and therefore they find it difficult to go back to sleep. If you are consistent with this for 7-10 days then you will find he will start to sleep much better and therefore your whole family will! Be consistent and good luck.

@Walrus5612

Good morning Jo Our 14 month year old was sleeping 12 hours 8 -8 until two weeks ago. He now struggles to settle and wakes in the night. Out of the blue he started getting upset when we put him in his cot and though I (mum) can settle him by placing hand on him and saying "shhh" for a few minutes he gets really upset when his dad tries to put him to bed. It is unpredictable when he wakes in the night (could be at any hour). On some nights all he has needed is tipping back onto his side and saying "shhh" on other he is really hysterical and needed body comfort. A couple of times I have eventually brought him in to sleep with us which not at all helpful in the long run. He gets completely hysterical if his dad tries to settle him in the night, calling out for mum. Advice really appreciated. I have been to the doctor and no medical reason. Thank you Walrus

This sounds like early separation anxiety which usually happens between 15-17 months but sometimes later. This is when your toddler starts to realise they are a separate entity to you and can get very upset and frustrated, particularly as they are getting more independent. The good news is this just a phase and does pass, so try and be consistent in the way that he is soothed at night, and I know it is difficult but try not to take him into your bed as this can cause a long term issue and it sounds like this is something you don’t want to encourage anyway. Does he have a comforter or something that soothes him? As I said it should pass soon so try to be patient. Good luck!

I am keen to understand what evidence you have to back up the advice that a bf baby should not be having night feeds? Thank you.

Hi Jo, my just turned 3 year old is still waking for her bottle of milk in the early hours.

I replaced milk with water for both my 1st and 2nd daughters and this worked perfectly (they stopped waking for water) but it hasn't worked this time.

I only give her a bottle at night time before bed.

With Easter just around the corner, I've told her that the Easter Bunny will only leave chocolate eggs if she leaves him her bottle, but is there anything I can do in the meantime to help with this frustrating disturbance!