Webchat with Philomena Lee, inspiration behind the Oscar-nominated film, Philomena, Thursday 27 March, 12-1pm

[RachelMumsnet]

We are delighted to announce that the real Philomena Lee, who inspired the Oscar-nominated and award-winning film Philomena, will be joining us for a webchat on Thursday 27 March from 12-1pm.

Falling pregnant as a teenager in Ireland in 1952, Philomena Lee was sent to the convent of Roscrea to be looked after as a 'fallen woman'. When her baby was only a toddler, he was adopted and taken to America without warning. Philomena spent the next fifty years searching for her lost son in vain.

Then she met Martin Sixsmith, a world-weary journalist as cynical as Philomena was trusting. Together they set off for America on a journey that would not only reveal the extraordinary story of Philomena's son, but also the powerful bond that developed between Philomena and Martin – a surprising relationship that was both profoundly moving and very funny.

Based on the best-selling book The Lost Child of Philomena Lee by Martin Sixsmith, this incredible true story was adapted for the screen by star Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope. Loved by audiences and critics alike, Pathé Productions invite you to experience Philomena this Mother's Day, released on Blu-ray and DVD on 24 March 2014. We have 30 copies up for grabs. If you'd like to watch the film and join the webchat, apply for a free copy here.

Join Philomena Lee on Thursday 27 March at midday or post a question to her in advance on this thread.

What was it like going to the Oscars? Did you get to go to all the parties afterwards?

Hi Philomena, I was wondering how much involvement you had with the film? Was it surreal to see your story played out on screen?

Philomena has arrived at MNHQ along with her daughter, Jane Libberton who will be assisting Philomena during the webchat and also answering questions about The Philomena project.

As there's lots of Qs in, they're going to make a start answering the advance questions now. A warm welcome to Mumsnet, Philomena and Jane.

Hi. Philomena and Jane here. Looking forward to answering your questions. Feel free to ask away!

@Willemdefoeismine

Hi Philomena

How did you cope with being regarded as 'a fallen woman' when you were so young and how did you overcome such a cruel label?

Thanks

It was very very difficult indeed. We were brought up Catholics so to be told that you've committed a mortal sin was awful. It was very hard to cope with. You firmly believed you were a fallen woman.

It took me a long time to overcome it. It took me 50 years to get over the stigma before I told the story. Once I left the home I went to work in a boys school and gradually over the years I managed to be able to let the hurt and the sorrow go, and I was able to cope with it. I realised that really, I hadn't committed a moral sin.

@Ruby6918

what a story and life and journey, i really wish you every best thought and peace that i can forever, id just like to ask where have you gained your inner strength from, you are very inspirational and seem to have had an awful lot to deal with and what do you enjoy now to relax, thank u cathy

To gain my inner strength it took me a very long time indeed. After I moved to St Albans and went to work in a psychiatric hospital, I learnt so much about life. I was able to forgive, and I never down deep lost my religion. I always kept praying for everybody and that one day I would find Antony.

To relax I just enjoy my family. I adore my family. I do the crosswords, the easy ones of course! I like classical musical, all sorts of music really. I enjoy watching the soaps in the evening!

@Bogeyface

I was so moved when I saw the film, I think you were very brave to allow your story to be told.

Do you think that the film was an accurate portrayal of what happened? And how did it feel to be played by Dame Judi Dench?

The early scenes in the covent of the young me are very accurate, as I described them to Steven Jeff, but there is dramatic license, in that I didn't travel to America with Martin, I actually went to Ireland.

Judy's performance was amazing. What more could a woman my age want! We did meet originally before the film started and she had no idea what I was going to be like. I always admired her and watched her films. Once we met her we seemed to hit it off and I was so pleased. Lots of my friends and family couldn't believe it! I was delighted. She told my story in a wonderful way. She listened to my story, and took everything I told her on board.

@BallyGoBackwards

Philomena is in Dublin today and I would have loved to meet her this afternoon at a signing but cant make it. I have read the book and would like to know if "mary", who also left Ireland with martin to live with the same family, was ever reunited with her mother? Or has Philomena met with her?

No she wasn't reunited. She hasn't wanted to trace. We did offer to help but she said maybe next year. We've never met her, but we've been in communication by email.

@storynanny

Hi Philomena, I really hope that you found some kind of peace in your life with your daughter. How did having to give upvyour son affect your future relationships with loved ones such as your daughter?

I don't think it affected me that much. When I had my daughter it was 8 years after I gave up my son. It's made me a more loving and caring mother.

@Coppernob

12 years ago I discovered that my mother had had a baby adopted at birth. My half sister found me and we are now really close. How can a person keep such a secret hidden for 53 years without ever giving anything away? My heart goes out to people who were forced onto such a situation because of the conventions of the time.

We were made to feel so ashamed about having a baby out of wedlock. It was the most awful thing to happen to any girl. I'm very happy that you've met your sister and that you have a great relationship.

@OwlMammy

Hi Philomena,

I too was an unmarried teenage mother in Ireland- only I had my baby in the 2000s, not the 1950s. During my pregnancy and after the birth, I had a few older relatives/family friends confide in me about their own babies that they had been forced to give up for adoption. They told me how lucky I was that I had the choice, which they had been denied. What really struck me was how they had kept such a massive secret for so long, with only a handful of people ever knowing. As a teenager, and even now, I can't fully comprehend the emotional manipulation and pressure that must have been put on girls and women like yourself. How hard was it to break out of the mindset that it was something to be ashamed of, and were there any particular triggers?

It was very hard to break out of the mindset. We were made to feel so guilty. We couldn't tell the story and we kept the guilt for so long. Nowadays I'm glad it doesn't happen as much to younger people. My brother was the trigger. He made me go back and tell my son and my daughter the whole story. From then on my daughter took it on board and has ever since worked on it, and that's how we got to find Antony in the end.

@NonnoMum

Hello Philomena and Welcome to Mumsnet!

Just to let you know I've read the book but not seen the film. Thank you for sharing your story.

First, I am totally amazed that you have managed to keep your faith after all that you have been through. And my question is, do you have any contact with your son's partner or anyone else from his US life?

Thanks and best wishes (PS hope you've enjoyed all the celebrity spotting at the Oscars etc! ) x

@NonnoMum

Hello Philomena and Welcome to Mumsnet!

Just to let you know I've read the book but not seen the film. Thank you for sharing your story.

First, I am totally amazed that you have managed to keep your faith after all that you have been through. And my question is, do you have any contact with your son's partner or anyone else from his US life?

Thanks and best wishes (PS hope you've enjoyed all the celebrity spotting at the Oscars etc! ) x

We have regular contact with his partner and we've met his partner's new partner recently when we were in LA. That's going to be an ongoing good relationship for all of us. We're hoping to meet up with them in the UK in September.

The Oscars was so exciting! I enjoyed every minute. By the time we got to the Oscars we'd done so many red carpets. The Golden Globes were quite overwhelming!

@over40andmumtoone

How pleased were you with the way the film depicted your story? I've not read your book, but feel that I ned to now.

The book and the film were very different. The book deals more with Antony's story and the film really looks at my story. We're very pleased with the way they've told the story in the film - I think they've done it in a really good way. It's simple but they got all the key points.

@Saker

I have seen the film but not read the book. Were you happy with the film, obviously it portrays you as a bit naïve at times though in a very nice way - do you mind being shown like that? I would be interested also in what happened to Mary and her mother. Did you stay in contact with her mother? It occurred to me it would be hard for her to read the book or see the film and find out about her daughter that way.

I don't mind. I recognise the need to make the character seem simpler at the beginning of the movie, than she is in reality. The film creators wanted to make sure that my character was the greatest character in the end.

We didn't stay in touch with Mary. When we entered the convent we had to take different names. I didn't know her at all. Although we now know where Mary is, we don't know anything about her mother.

@lilibet

Hi Philomena

I think I may be in the minority here as although I know your story I haven't read the book or seen the film. I tend to avoid adoption stories as I was adopted as a baby in 1963 and the thought of anyone from my birth family trying to trace me is abhorrent to me. I have a wonderful, loving family and haven't, as I know so many have, ever wanted to trace back.

Were you prepared for this sort of reaction from your son when you started your journey and how would you have handled it?

Thanks for coming onto mumsnet.

I would have had to accept it if he didn't want to know me. A lot of people that meet up don't want to know. Everyone is different. Some have a great desire to find their parents, others are happy as they are. In my case we were both looking for each other, but sadly we never had the opportunity to meet.

@Blondieminx

Hi Philomena and welcome to Mumsnet. I cried buckets at the film. I greatly admire you, and think you should be made a Dame or similar for helping to expose the shocking behaviour of the church during that era. Those poor ladies and babies, terribly heartbreaking.

What one thing would you like to see happen now, for the affected mothers and children?

Sending you much love x

The ultimate aim is to get the legislation changed in Ireland so people can find their identity if they wish to. At the moment in the UK adoption records are open and at 18 you have the right to find out who you are. In Ireland the records are closed.

@SacreBlue

I admire your tenacity & courage in your journey & thank you for taking part in this web chat.

As a single mum myself I was given the opportunity to visit organisations in Europe working with single mothers, and children in care. I found it heart-breaking to see that some practices we have thankfully moved on from here in Ireland are still happening elsewhere.

How do you feel/hope your work on the film, and your own Philomena Project with the Adoption Rights Alliance, will affect international attitudes to women parenting alone?

I wish I knew the answer to that question. I hope our work with the Adoption Alliance will hope to change those attitudes to the past, and make the fact that you're a single parent now be any issue at all.

Although there's not as much of a stigma attached to being a single mum anymore in Ireland, we hope that the film and the Philomena Project will help to overcome any sense of shame that may have been felt in the past.

Hi Philomena
Was it a great comfort to meet Pete, to know how loved your son was?
Thank you for sharing your story.

@Teresainwirral

Thank you mumsnet for the DVD. I really enjoyed the film, I found the part when you find out what happened to Anthony and the 'full circle' of it gut wrenchingly emotional. Did Philomena never waiver in her faith and feel the nuns were to blame?

I did blame them in the beginning when he was first taken away. I felt a lot of anger in the home. My faith wained a bit. It took about 6 or 8 months before I stopped going to confession and communion. If I past a church I would go in and light a candle and pray for Michael and pray for my family. My faith gradually came back and I do believe now because of all the things that have happened to me, and in finding him. I firmly believe in my religion.

@kpdchudleigh

I too am living life separated from a child I love against my will. Please tell me, Philomena, how did you manage the pain of separation? Laughter or smiles break my heart with guilt that my life goes on.

I'm so sorry for your situation. The pain was intolerable. I couldn't bare it for a very long time. Time is a great healer. Throughout my working years, I did gradually come to accept it. I made myself believe that he had gone to a good home in America and that he would be ok.

In my case, I eventually found out that my son had a wonderful life and that has given me such great peace and consolation.

@AnnieHoo

Hi Philomena Was it a great comfort to meet Pete, to know how loved your son was? Thank you for sharing your story.

Yes it was indeed. I was so pleased to meet him and to find out about that part of his life that I had always wondered about. He gave me lots of information and photographs and things. We were able to get the full picture of his life from Pete. They were together for 15 years and it's a great comfort to know he was so loved.

@CatherineHMumsnet

What was it like going to the Oscars? Did you get to go to all the parties afterwards?

Oh did we just!! By the time we got to the Oscars we'd got to a few awards ceremonies so it wasn't too overwhelming but it was enormous fun and we got to go to the after parties!

At the awards we met everyone from Julia Roberts, Kevin Spacey and Jared Leto. My favourite was Daniel Craig! He was so charming. He didn't want to have his photo taken but he agreed to have one with me!

@areyoutheregoditsmemargaret

Hi Philomena. Was Martin Sixsmith really as crass as he was portrayed in the film? Thank you.

No! He's not as crass at all. He's a gentleman.

@UpOverAndOut

Hi Philomena, I was wondering how much involvement you had with the film? Was it surreal to see your story played out on screen?

We had quite a lot actually. We went on set 4 or 5 times during filming. Steve Coogan would often phone me to ask if they were getting things right so we felt very involved.

It was very odd watching it for the first time!