Funniest bit of childbirth

[rachelhill]

My funniest bit was that during every contraction my boobs squirted milk, at quite high velocity and I got the irritating consultant's glasses while he was telling me I wasn't in proper labour.

Second funniest, midwife asked me to rate my pain 1-10 periodically and at one point I said 9. She rushed up to give me some entenox....but I was actually just telling hubbie what the missing number was on his sudoku because he was stuck.

Come on ladies, what memory of childbirth makes you chuckle.

[ingym23]

All this talk about gas and air has reminded that with DS1 I was having a very long labour, and after having the epidural turned down so I could push, I was really really tired and just tried to pass myself out using the G&A.

I was doing quite well on it, and told the midwives that it was better than the stuff you get in Amsterdam!

[SleepIsForTheWeak]

was pretty out of it with pain and gas and air whole way through, remember MW sitting looking bored while I was in the pool,,and when the baby started coming out she rushed out for a bit and came back. when she came back I could have sworn she has changed outfits for the occassion and I asked DH if he thought she always did that. No, dear, she hasn't changed. oh.

[nwgreenmum]

Kylah, PMSL.

Only funny in retrospect (it is 7 years ago now), but having been in for 5 days after waters broke over 4 weeks early the niggly pains escalated. The night staff were really uninterested. I was completely knackered. Them "it's 2 in the morning you should get out of the bath", me "well bring me gas and air then, I feel like I need to push" Them, "well don't". Yeah right. I made it back to the bed, no gas and air arrived. They couldn't reach DH as he had knocked phone off the hook. He woke up, had a moment of ESP and dashed in. Day staff come in.

Day staff come and see me, examine me (night staff never bothered). MW said "OMG, you're having the baby", well yes obviously. They pretty much threw me into a wheelchair and RAN me down the corridoor to the lift, and down to the delivery suite, with junior midwife running ahead and putting all of the pin codes into the doors. Must have been a sight. DS2 born 20 minutes later.

Not childbirth, but while high on morphine with appendicitis I refused to get weighed as "it is against my religeon" and when they explained that it might not be appendix and so they might do a different op I said "In that case, while you are down there, could you do a tummy tuck"

They said no.

[SHHHH]

when I needed stitching up at the end and the consultant asking for a 2nd opinion..I nearly hit the guy who took a look and commented its a 2nd degree NOT a 3rd degrees while trying to sing the 3 degrees bit (the 3 degrees group..geddit...)..Oh and then I had to stop myself from asking for a : designer vagina .

Funny when I think back..! Think dh would have run a mile though lol..!!

[kylah]

After being deathly quiet while having contractions for 5 hours, after first puff of G&A went 'woooo' so loudly the people in the car park outside the window started laughing and then proceeded Rocketman word for word, emphasising the 'Im gonna be high as kite' part at the top of my lungs. Then blew it in husbands face so he could share in the joy! Started to inist we went xmas shopping right this f*$king second and had to be dragged back from the corridor as I used the going for a wee rouse to try to make my escape. With handbag and naked apart from my bra. Oh dear.

[bananaloaf]

in labour with ds2 and digging the car out of a snow drift with a CD cover [shocked]

[BettySpaghetti]

The bit I found funny at the time was the actual arriving at hospital. My waters had broken so I phoned the ward who asked me to come in and be checked. I also had very bad SPD and was on crutches.

When we arrived outside the hospital in the car everytime I went to move I was in agony with the SPD, couldn't swing my legs out of the car and leaked amniotic fluid everywhere. For some reason I found this hilarious (I think DP thought I'd lost the plot ).

This continued on the walk through the hospital foyer, all the way to the ward. I'm sure I left a trail of liquid behind me as I hobbled and giggled all the way.


(this was in the middle of the night by the way, I'm not sure it would have been so funny during the day with a foyer full of people!)

[ellanatal]

I was having my waters broken to get my labour going by the consultant on call who i'd never met before - while lying legs akimbo with the consultants hand up me she said " Do you live at number 1 such and such a street - i've just bought number 2!!!"
Nearly curled up in a ball at the thought of making neighbourly chat with her having seen my overgrown lady garden!
Thankfully i seemed to have forgotten this now when i see her - hope she has too!

[sockmonkey]

I had a wonderful epidural with DS1 (I told the anethsatist that I loved him then fell asleep)

The MW had to tell me when I was having a contraction & to push. After goodness knows how long of me trying to push him out, and him shooting back up when I stopped pushing, MW turned to my Dh and said "she is getting tired"
I was so out of it I said "Am I?"

[Eulalia]

In the last stages of labour with dd and pushing. Being told to hurry up as the midwife and dh were watching the clock as it approached 04:20 the time that ds1 was born, however I missed it by a minute and she was born 21 mins past.

[Pinotmum]

After walking to the delivery room with breast feeding cushion over my shoulder was asked how I felt. I said I thought I needed a poo and everyone ran out of the room shouting "it's coming"and back in again - waters then broke like something in dam busters and ds was out in 20 minutes. I was annoyed becuase I wanted my epidural .

[swalesie]

Not funny but when i was in extreme pain and screaming, my dp kept telling me to shush!!!! He said i was so loud i was imbaresing him!

[swalesie]

I was at the pushing stage when mw bent down for a look and i did the biggest fart ever in her face!

[mumfor1standfinaltime]

When I was 3 months pg my sister went into labour with her dd. Dh and I went over to see her straight away as we had to look after her ds who was 18m.
She kept apologising for 'making noises' and 'scaring me'!

Funniest thing for me - is dh running out to the car at 6am, to put the car seat in the car as soon as my waters broke!

[sonta]

I was in the delivery room screaming and swearing very, very loudly. My dad stood outside the room trying to reassure the group of heavily pregnant and slightly alarmed women on a jolly tour of the birthing centre by saying 'don't let her put you off'. Also (only funny after the event) trying to get out of the wheelchair to push on all fours as the midwives tried to get me into a lift!

[exbury]

merryberry - think yourself lucky they were talking about career stuff - the team at my elective CS spent the whole time discussing their holiday plans - DH and I decided to take it as a good sign that everything was going smoothly

[MegaLegs]

I love these

During the final stages of having ds1 I was feeling somewhat out of it from loads of gas and air, I was kneeling on the bed, draped over the haed board and suddenly realised someone was trying to take my watch off, I started fighting back, trying to wrestle the theif off and said something like "Feck off you mugger", it was only dh, he was worried I'd smash it as I was whacking my arms against the metal bedframe.


Having DS3, up to my chin in the birthing pool, jaws clamped on the gas and air, mw, student mw and dh all chatting away above me, across the top of my head, it really wound me up and I told them all to "F off and let me concentrate", I then did the loudest retchy belch and slipped under.

I rarely swear but during that transition stage I get really narked!!

[Flumpybumpy]

I was given an epidural that didn't work, so told the anethistist (sp?) whilst completely high on gas and air that he had given me a placebo to see if having epidural was all in my head. When he said he had given a epi I screamed at him 'so why isn't it bloody working then'.

DH said he was pissing himself laughing so much he had to leave to room!!!!

FB x

[ingym23]

It didn't actually happen in the delivery room, but it was still pretty funny!

I had been having contractions on and off all day on the Saturday, but it wasn't until 10pm that we thought maybe this was labour for real (I was only 36 weeks 2 days pregnant)! So we called the midwife and she advised us to come in.


By the time I had packed my bag, rung my friend to come look after our DS, and organised the taxi to take us to the hospital, I was in a LOT of pain and the contractions were coming on quick and fast. I had one on my way down to the taxi, and leaned over the garden fence to try to breathe through it. I thought the taxi driver would probably think I was drunk (it was 12.30am by this stage!) and luckily he let me in the taxi.

Later on he did actually say to my DH that he thought I was drunk!!!

All ended up well though, by the time I was examined in the delivery ward I was at 10cm dilated, and DS2 was born shortly afterwards...

[angie17]

The doctor giving me an epidural but taking ages to start the drip then asking if anyone in the room knew about machines!!
Shouting at my DH "Tell them bloody kids to stop letting those fireworks off" when it was actually the dripping noise of the epidural.
The doctor, midwife, student midwife all standing down there looking at my bits wondering what to do next.
Managing to lift my head slightly off the bed to see the very young doctor's head between my legs stitching me up and then asking for more cotton!!
None of it was funny at the time but looking back it doesn't seem so bad

[merryberry]

During medicalised 2 day long birth was given another 15 minutes only of pushing before the forceps were whipped out. A crack team of additional consultants and neonatologist turned up, reviewed my notes for a minute and started chatting amongst themselves about career stuff.

So. Chat chat chat they go. And I suddenly said in a voice like the queen's venomous great auntie and penetrating but quiet:

'Do you mind? I am trying to concentrate here. If it isn't important be quiet you fools'.

And proceeded to give birth in glacial silence.

I don't remember any of this. This is dp's rendition of it. He said it was a like a bomb going off. Wish I could have seen it.

And that for our aftercare people tip toed around me.

[sockmonkey]

When they plonked DS2 on my belly after he was born i thought awwww, he is lovely & warm, only to realise he was actually peeing all over me.

I get no respect from my children

[ashayden]

Amiable- Very proud dad. He still likes to tell people that ds takes after him.

This thread is great.

[charlieq]

This thread is cool and is (somewhat) dispelling my fears for birth of Ds2 come April...

Best moment of actually very good birth of DS1 was when I was in the bath at home. The midwife (independent, stroppy) had decided not to come yet as she said I was talking to much to be in late stage labour!

Me (in bath, grunting): something's coming out. Does it look like a bum to you? Because it feels like one.

In fact it was the top of DS1's baldy head- the skin was a bit scrunched up.....

Convinced he is about to officiate at an unassisted breech birth, DH flees to call midwife who jumps 2 red lights to arrive in time for DS1's head to be born....

[hullabaloo]

Being slightly disorientated on gas and air and thinking my friend was in the room cos I could hear him talking only to realise that he was. He was DJing a weekend show on the radio!