To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

[doubleshotespresso]

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

[Primrose123]

If you really do have to go, I would buy something for the baby and totally ignore the gift list.

[mignonette]

Greedy, Greedy, Greedy.

If you feel compelled to gift, enclose a note saying you have donated some money to a Mother & Baby charity.

[Whocansay]

Buy her a grip. (But take your lovely present for the baby).

Good grief!

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Very weird and tasteless and grabby. YANBU at all.

However a couple of DH's friends (all late 30s, single and childless) asked whether we had a gift list when DS1 was born! I was but I guess if you are completely clueless about children, then a gift list for baby consisting of sensible things like babygrows, nappies etc isn't such a bad thing. I've been to a few American style baby showers (though I live in UK) where there has been a list circulating but that has been at the request of guests that the mum to be has compiled a list - and it has been full of affordable items!!

[ArbitraryUsername]

Maybe the couple are carrying out a breaching experiment, and will be carefully monitoring you all to see how you respond?

[OhTheConfusion]

. That is all.

[mignonette]

We banned wedding gifts because the cost of attending a wedding is bad enough what with the outfits, travel and hotel bills that guests often have to pay for. I do think many people have loss perspective and proportion to the point of abject greed and self importance.

[foslady]

Thank you for the smile - I'm knackered and don't want to go to work today, this has cheered me up no end! It's so bad taste it's laughable (and thank God it's not me with the invite....................!!!)

[Scholes34]

How about a book on how to regain her pre-pregnancy figure, or incontinence pants?

[Sparklymommy]

All of my four children were christened. Never would I ask for or expect gifts. They were all given gifts, but to actually ask for them? No way.

The same with our wedding. We were already living together and had dd1 so didn't 'need' anything really. I would never have asked for money either. Again we had gifts, and they were all the more special because they were items that our friends and family had chosen for us.

[Pilgit]

Sorry - not read everything but can shed some light on the naming ceremony bit (as everyone is focusing on the rather odd behaviour of the gift list). They are (if this is the UK) a service offered by the registrars service where they come and do an official 'naming' ceremony. They have a pro forma/suggested ceremony but you can write your own as well. My BF did one for her son and it was lovely - really like a christening - but without the water dripping and god bit! So there were places for godparents (yes, same name despite no 'god') to make promises about being there to support the child, siblings making like promises and the parents saying what being a parent meant for them. This was all over seen by the registrar. It is not an 'official' thing but another way of the registrars service making a bit of cash as there really is no legal point to it (unlike their other registrar duties).

Extremely odd to ask for presents for the mother - these things are all about the child - just like a christening. And I can't see the point in a gift list where things are soooo expensive - it's just rude and grabby and if their 'normal' people this must be truly baffling.

[fairyqueen]

We may not have set traditions for naming ceremonies, but it is traditional that gifts at all events are for the person who the event is for. Which in this case would be the baby, of course.

[Nanny0gg]

Go if you must, but very pointedly, only take a present for the baby, as is the norm.

Oh, and don't explain why there is nothing from the list. If she compounds the outrage by asking why not, I would feel compelled to tell her!

I have never heard anything like it!

[CherylTrole]

Send them an RSVP saying Did You Mean To Be So Rude

[ArbitraryUsername]

Honestly, I think a breaching experiment is the only sensible explanation. It's so obviously a ridiculous thing to have done.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

I'd go and take the present you described up thread then report back here to update.

[BringBackBod]

I'd stick with the lovely gifts for baby, together with a small box of After eights, expertly wrapped along with ribbons and bows, with a gift tag reading 'just a little something for you xx'

[KatieLily12]

Just held a Naming Ceremony and we specifically asked for no gifts but to being a dish of food to share instead. We got more than enough at her birth and didn't want to seem greedy.

[FryOneFatManic]

Id love to see what gets planned for baby's first birthday

[mum23girlys]

I have so missed a trick! 3 dcs I've had christened. We've got more silver money boxes and tooth & curl boxes than we know what to do with. If only I'd thought to request a wee spa day instead

Seriously though wtf? Rude and grabby at best. You obviously feel you have to go so just give the beautiful and thoughtful baby gift you've already purchased and leave it at that. No explanation needed. She'll soon work it out when she gets three dozen photo albums and no spa day

I hate gift lists and cash requests and never ever buy off them. I hate people knowing exactly how much we've spent on them especially for weddings when we've often already had to fork out for stag and hen weekends, new outfit, kilt hire, hotel stay, cash for the actual wedding, hairdressers, organising childcare and often had to use holidays for wedding/stag and hen weekends. Can you tell we've got 3 big weddings coming up this summer and can't afford a holiday
because of them

[HawaiianSunset12]

What on earth is a naming ceremony?? Surely you all know the babies name now, 8 months on????

[Moominsarehippos]

I haven't read the whole thread but could this be a custom from elsewhere?

I usually take a prezzie for the baby and a box of 'forbidden pleasures' for the mum (ie unpasteurised cheese).

[BerthaTheBogCleaner]

If you think the friendship is worth keeping, and they are normally sane and lovely people, then you have to assume temporary PFB madness on a major scale. Grin and bear it till they calm down.

You can
a) create a v.important family occasion that clashes
b) accept and have 'd&v' that day
c) go, take your baby present, don't buy anything off the gift list, and don't mention the gift list

Actually I think you should go, and wander around the whole time saying "don't mention the gift list!" in a stage whisper.

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

Why is a baby naming ceremony having an after party that goes on until 11pm?! Surely it's a nice little ceremony followed by the sandwiches and cakes (or afternoon tea and fizz if you're posh)?

And I thought only the god parents bought gifts at christenings?