Mumsnet campaign on rape and sexual violence

[KatieMumsnet]

Hiya

Following on from lots of discussions and requests for a MN campaign on this - we've been putting a bit of thought into how we can help and are planning on making getting a campaign going in mid March. Before this we'll get on with a survey, asking for Mumsnetters experiences, and working on a press release to raise the profile of the campaign - and hopefully tackling a few myths.

KateMumsnet's been collaborating with Rape Crisis and the End Violence Against Women coalition, and we're hoping to host a webchat during the course of the week.

Before we start finalising detail though, we really need your help.

1. The title of the campaign - 'I believe you' - I know was really strongly supported on here (and is popular with us too). But after a bit of discussion in the office, we were wondering if 'we believe you' is more effective - showing the collective effect of our campaign, and emphasising that we're not just lone voices supporting individuals? It would be good to have your thoughts.
   

1. Dispelling myths. What are the 5 most important myths to dispel (rape is usually by a stranger, victims are usually to blame) - suggestions really appreciated - we'll then source the best facts to prove them wrong.
   

And as ever - do let us know any other thoughts.

MNHQ

[dreamingbohemian]

I think the worst case I have read regarding consent is that poor woman who was raped by a stranger in a B&B, after he wandered into her room and 'thought she was his girlfriend'. He was found not guilty! I still don't know how that was possible.

I would like to see a message along the lines of: even if the law thinks you haven't been raped, we believe you. Because the law as it's being interpreted on consent is pretty messed up.

[MmeLindor.]

Did you see the article in DM about the 11yo whose rapists were given reduced sentences cause she was willing and 'looked about 14yo' according to the judge.

[MmeLindor.]

40 mths the bastards got.

FFS. Anyone know a bit about legal issues such as sentencing - how can the judge do this? Is there no minimum sentence?

[swallowedAfly]

i'd also really like to challenge this idea that it's ok for a man to have sex with a minor because 'she's really mature' or 'she dresses like an adult'. we have a law in place on this that says you can't have sex with minors but people seem to poo poo it and say oh i know lots of mature 15 yos etc.

a child is a child. you don't have sex with children. it really should be that clear.

if you have sex with a child you have raped them because they are not able to give true consent given they are a child.

tried to paste that ^^ earlier but mn kept going offline for me. quite timely to your post mmelindor.

[JessieXL]

Wonderful to see that you are addressing this. The negative way in which stories are often handled in the papers, TV and the net can make you feel helpless to change attitudes in society.

Let's hope for some good publicity when we show how loud we can be when we shout together.

[MmeLindor.]

Yy agree with that, swallowed

Also loved your post earlier about grades of rape - that rape is rape and GBH is GBH and if the former happened without the latter doesn't make it less serious.

Separating the crimes is important.

[MmeLindor.]

Oh, and keep meaning to say YAY to Lenin for the excellent slogan

[kelshawcaz]

I agree with BasilRathbone, we need to target men all the emphasis is usually on women (which is needed) but the result is that the men are still invisible in the campaigns, we need to target them out loud in the culture where they can be seen. This would include both looking at the rapist, the men who collude by their silence and the behaviour of men who are respectful to women (and men).

[mousymouseafraidofdogs]

yes to targeting men. those 'ladmags' might be a good place if one could get an interview/article in there.

[Notthefullshilling]

swallowedAfly: I think we need to narrow that down a wee bit more, firstly we are not discriminating about women who molest, rare I know but with the evidence of the "false rape" allegation is that we need to leave no places for people to use as counter arguments.

Also what to do about under age sex between two consenting teens?

[NubblesStryverFlintwinch]

Marking place for when I am not on phone.

Brilliant suggestions

[Finallyfinally]

Marking place. I read somewhere the false reporting rate for rape is similar to that for burglary. I don't quite know what to do with that fact, but I wish more people knew it. After all, when someone says they've been burgled you don't get everyone implying they're only saying it to claim on the insurance, or that their TV was visible from the window, and it's the poor man accused of burglary they feel sorry for, because his life will never be the same again

[MyNameIsInigoMontoya]

Oh yes mousy I would love to get something in the ladmags. Though the worst ones would probably not agree to run anything, as it would contradict their normal misogynist crap

[Pozzled]

Really pleased to see this campaign happening. Before I started MNing I knew very little about rape and sexual assault, the site has really opened my eyes. I can see how people like me, who are lucky enough to have no personal experience, could be tempted to believe the myths. Especially 'it'll never happen to me because I dress modestly/don't drink' etc etc.

I definitely think the issue of consent is important, and making it clear what is or isn't consent.

[LindenAvery]

Marking place - I believe you, we believe you, we vote.

[TeddyBare]

Marking my place.

[Tiago]

I like we believe you. As for myths - getting people to understand that just because a person doesn't continually scream/shout/fight doesn't make it consensual. Fear can prevent someone from doing those things.

[LineRunner]

Ah yes, the ladsmags that couldn't think of a single female sports personality in the whole of 2011.

Tits not big enough, lads?

[chrissie9]

I totally agree that rape/assaults on women have nothing whatsoever to do with sex -always to do with hatred of women and power. I know little about the motives for male rape but agree all rape victims need support in every way possible.
To be simply believed can make the difference to a victim between going on, or not.To be pushed into reporting a rape when the victim just wants to talk can be detrimental. I think that the answer is to empower girls with the knowledge before they are likely to encounter violence...as soon as possible at school. And to raise their self esteems etc. Boys also need to be educated about all these issues.

[edam]

Very pleased to see this. Finally's right, many people are not aware that false accusations are no more of an issue in rape than in any other offence - yet we don't automatically accuse someone who has been burgled of making it up.

Important to dispel the myths about victim behaviour - that unless someone screamed or fought back, they must have wanted it really. I think people would cotton on to the idea that you can be frozen with fear - it happens in other circumstances.

[MmeLindor.]

I wonder if the campaign could include a call for more education in schools. I am aware this is a tricky subject but informing both young girls and boys about this is crucial. Did anyone read the guardian article recently about rape being seen as a normal part of being accepted into a gang? It was really disturbing.

[BasilRathbone]

That would be a good campaign wouldn't it?

Picture of respectable bloke/ woman in sitting room with police.

"Are you sure you didn't leave the door open?"

"Well why don't you have a burglar alarm?"

"Your neighbours say that you have lots of friends round for tea and dinner all the time"

"Why did you leave the curtains drawn back?"

"Is there any reason you choose to leave the TV where it can be seen from the window?"

"You do know that if you make your house look inviting, you can't be surprised if someone feels you're inviting them in?"

"Sorry, we have to ask you this, there are so many people who pretend they've been burgled, when all they want is the house insurance money and to ruin some poor burglar's life"

With a big headline underneath: The number of women who falsely allege rape, is the same as the number of people who falsely allege burglary.

That would surprise people.

[edam]

I like your style, Basil...

[MyNameIsInigoMontoya]

I really like the idea of more education/campaigning in schools actually - teaching both boys and girls about boundaries, respecting each other, what is and is not acceptable etc.

[LineRunner]

Basil, just excellent.