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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

I've got 3 children already and just found out preg with twins

42 replies

HeighHo · 11/01/2010 19:29

We're in complete shock. Actually feel quite sad that I won't be able to bond exclusively with one baby. I have loved being pregnant and giving birth to one child at a time and I feel it'll all be difficult and riskier now there are two.

Please come and tell me all the brilliant things about having twins. I do know how lucky I am to be pregnant at all and I'm terrified of mc due to 5 previous mc, but finding this out has just increased all the risks.

Oh dear, sorry to be so negative. Wasn't sure which smiley to put, but think they are all relevant!

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notasausage · 11/01/2010 19:48

Congratulations on your news. I can't help as not a mum of multiples but hopefully someone will be along soon.

oooggs · 11/01/2010 19:53

Fantastic news twins are great

a mum at our twins club had finished her family with 3 boys, sold everything, just got visas to emigrate to Aus and found out she was pregnant with twins, they are now staying, trying to get back on the property ladder and their adorable non id twin girls are 7 weeks (she is still in shock)

pop over to the regular multiple thread, they can answer anything

duckyfuzz · 11/01/2010 19:59

congratulations I love having twins I have no other children, so that make it easier! I do understand about the bonding thing though. I have foudn my twins have got so much easier as they've got older and now at 6 they are good friends and really like to be together, so I'm glad (now!) that i was lucky enough to have them. It will take a while (a couple fo years maybe?!) for the shock to wear off, but it will and you will feel privileged to have them, well done

duckyfuzz · 11/01/2010 20:00

and of course they mean yuo lose any ability yuo might previously have had to write a coherent sentence

posieparker · 11/01/2010 20:03

I have a friend who's oldest is 6 and she 's expecting twins, her fifth and sixth child. At first she was like you but now three months on she's delighted and really looking forward to it. i only have four but have yet to meet a parent of many who have anything bad to say about it!!

posieparker · 11/01/2010 20:04

Congratulations!!!!

HeighHo · 11/01/2010 20:31

Thank you for your kind messages. I guess it is quite normal to be in shock and think of the negatives at this early stage.

I always wanted a big family, so that's good (though 4 would have been big enough!)

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twinmam · 11/01/2010 20:48

The worried feelings you have are completely normal so please don't feel guilty about them! I think we have all had our 'I wish I didn't have twins moments' or I certainly have but then I see my girls and know that I wouldn't have it any other way.

It IS tough and it's bloody hard work but you're an old hand at this mothering business and I bet you will surprise yourself with your capacity to cope!

I'd suggest you set up as much support in advance of the birth and for the later stages of pregnancy as possible. Don't be afraid to ask for help and enlist the support of friends, family, your older DCs, etc.

Twins are really, really special. You will bond with both your babies. It's just twice as much love which is overwhelming but also wonderful! Honestly, cuddling two babies at once and looking from one to the other is just indescribably lovely. I only have my DDs but if I had a singleton I'd find it odd not to have both my arms full of snuggly babies!

Other lovely things....

Watching newborn twins sleep curled around one another when they see one another as extensions of themselves.

The first moment they notice they have a twin and that this is someone else's arm/leg and not their own. The first time they really look at one another is amazing.

Hearing them giggle and chatter when they go to bed at night.

The way they look for their twin if she is not in the room.

When they learn to say one another's names.

When they dance together.

When they cuddle each other and stroke each other's heads and say 'awwww'

Two little people flinging themselves at you and calling for you.

Feeling like a superwoman as you parade your enormous baby-filled pram around much the admiration of all.

Massive congratulations Heighho and good luck!

HeighHo · 11/01/2010 20:53

Aaah, that just made me cry, Twinmam, that's just lovely. What wonderful things to write about your darling twins.

Thank you for understanding my guilt and annoyed feelings at feeling cheated from a more straightforward pregnancy, labour and new born experience, and how lovely to hear all the lovely things about having twins. Think I will re-read your post when I am having wobbles.

Thank you very very much

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carrieboo75 · 11/01/2010 22:16

Congratulations. I would love twins, always wanted them, had 2 really close together instead . Have 3 boys and would still be happy if I had another and it turned out be twins (I'm not a loon they are in the family!), however I would still be shocked (I was shocked when ds3 invited himself so quickly after ds2, it took a few months to get over) and I understand why you are. Give it time, it will sink in and then you will be proud as punch .

twinmam · 11/01/2010 22:43

Aw, you're welcome HeigHo Just don't come back and shout at me in the times when it's tough! Feel free to come and have a moan though!

You probably will have a lot more occasions when you feel cheated out of the more straightforward/ easy way of things: that describes exactly how I felt a lot of the time but the good really does outweigh the bad. I am so in love with my DDs both individually and also for their twinness and how they relate to one another. It really is an incredible and beautiful thing.

I just want you to know the following:
a) It is normal and OK to have negative thoughts sometimes (along the lines of how much easier it would have been with one baby and how it's not fair you have to cope with two at once). I wish I'd known these feelings were acceptable; I'd have saved myself a lot of guilt. Feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you don't love your babies it just means it's hard sometimes to have two at once.
b) It gets easier, it really really does. My DDs are almost two now and it's more fun and rewarding than it is difficult (despite the fact that we have terrible twos times two!)
c) ASK FOR HELP - get it wherever and whenever you can. I wish I'd insisted on more breastfeeding support for example. Homestart is a charity that offers volunteers to families with multiples to come and help out for an hour or so each week, e.g. helping you to take the babies to classes etc.
d) You are embarking on an amazing, exciting journey and have become part of a very special club.
e) Twins are fab, just fab

Lots and lots of luck xx

curiositykilledhaskittens · 11/01/2010 22:56

Posted this to starshaker on her ouble trouble thread - reckon it is relevant, sorry for being lazy! I have 4 children and only really wanted two. Love them all though, so, so much!

'I think I felt being told I was having twins was a bit of a death nell for all the things I love about having children and all the things I wanted for the birth and the first year. It has been very hard at every stage, even with experience of two older children relatively close in age, but I have actually managed to do/have everything almost exactly how I wanted at every stage through a combination of luck, planning and bloody mindedness. I have persevered with the 100% breastfeeding because it is really, really important to me. More important than sleep (although this has turned out, fortunately, not to be an issue) or not having pain, more important even than having a proper relationship with my older two - my mum (ardent breastfeeder/advocate) points out that this is rather insane, especially when we are getting pestered about weight gain and it would be more sensible to mix feed (weight gain is adequate but not 'what it could be' shock) but I still, rather irrationally, feel it is more important to me than all those things.

Starshaker I found that a lot of people told me I couldn't have/wouldn't be able to do the things I wanted. That has proven to be categorically untrue and although I have found it incredibly tough I have done most of the things I was told would be impossible. I think I have made it harder than it has to be in some ways because of that but I'm not sorry I did. If I had been loading my smaller one with formula it is likely her reflux would have been worse. As it was she had a blue episode on New Years Eve and went in an ambulance, I was really glad I hadn't given in to pressure to mix feed because it is likely we would be struggling to keep the reflux under control now.

I think the only thing you can expect is that you'll (hopefully) have two babies at the end. Keep an open mind as to the other experiences as your experience is likely to be very different from any of ours and if you have strong feelings about anything (natural birth, C sect - either way, induction, monitoring, feeding) make sure you do your own research and have input into the care you recieve from the various HCPs as twin birth is largely unresearched and care is very policy led.

I love having my twins, I love having people stop me and talk about them and tell me I have my hands full only to go green when I say I have two older ones as well (not sure what colour they'd go at the sizes of some of the other multiples families!). It's never boring having two babies and I love adapting to providing different things for different babies at the same time, I feel I learn something new everyday.'

kathryn2804 · 11/01/2010 23:08

Others have summed it up brilliantly. It's a privalege having twins. I'm expecting no 3 and am wondering what it's going to be like for him not to have a twin brother to play with (twins will be 5 and are at school) and I'm worried that he's going to miss out!!!

We have loads of larger families in our twins club, largest being 7 kids, last ones twins, and quite a few with 5 kids, one of these being made up of 2 sets of twins!

Definitely find your local twins club! It's a godsend chatting to others in similar situations.

rasputin · 11/01/2010 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Insanitybecomesme · 12/01/2010 12:10

HeighHo - All of your thoughts are normal, I am 34wks today with dc5&6. We decided to try for no5 thinking they would slot in nicely we have a seven seater car and a bedroom that could accomodate one more as well as all the items needed for a baby. Instead that has all gone out of the window as we have had to change the other childrens rooms about, purchase an additional cot etc not to mention need a new car, but as this pregnancy has gone on the negatives have become less and now we are just excited knowing they will be here any day now.

HeighHo · 12/01/2010 20:00

Thank you everyone for your reassurance. Hadn't ever considered twins, so had not thought what my reaction would be. Good to know that shock and horror are normal .

Thanks, Rasputin for thinking I'm really lucky - that's good to hear

Curiosity, that's exactly right. I breast fed exclusively my 3 children for over 2 years each and none of them ever had formula. I co-slept for over a year and fed on demand, permanently carried them in slings as they hated being in the pram - My first reaction is that I won't be able to do any of these things, so it was good to hear it is possible. Though also think I might have to relax my standards if I'm to get any sleep/stay slightly sane .

Twinsmam - will deffo come and moan on here when I'm proved right about how hard it is

Carrie - why would you want twins - I found singletons hard enough

It is beginning to sink in a bit as feel so totally utterly exhausted.

Thanks for all your support xx

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LargeGlassofRed · 12/01/2010 20:37

Hi Heighho congratulations, my twins are 6 months and number 4 and 5, so I know how you feel.
Yes its hard but so much fun, and so special too,
my two are still being breast fed and I co slept till they were 5 months.
Also managed to carry them in a ringsling and a pouch sling. (only for short distances though)
All things are possible just takes a little figuring out

Littlefish · 12/01/2010 20:42

Congratulations Heighho. My darling sister had twins (they are now enormous 7 yr olds!). She breastfed them for a year - she expressed and gave ebm to one if they were out and about. She also co-slept a lot with with them as it made feeding at night easier.

You will find your own way with them. It may be very similar to how you were with your other dc, or you may find that you want to do things differently.

thisisyesterday · 12/01/2010 20:44

heighho, it is definitely possible to co-sleep and breastfeed on demand wen you have twins

i have 2 fairly good online friends who have done just that. neither of them will tell you it was easy, i remember one of them regularly sobbing with desperation that all she ever did was feed babies, day and night.
but i don't think she'd have changed it for the world

congratulations

HeighHo · 13/01/2010 16:30

Ah, you're making me cry with all your lovely posts. Will have to come back and ask lots of questions about how you actually did it nearer the time.

Am also really aware, that at nearly 42 and after 5 consecutive mc, nothing is for definite yet.

Have told a couple of RL friends, which was funny - their reactions were great - it is fun to shock people

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minimisa · 14/01/2010 13:36

Hi HeighHo, My friends all found it absolutely hilarious that I was having twins as I was always the person who wasn't sure she even wanted any children. Anyway, now my DTs are 10 months old and I absolutely adore them. As others here have said it's just unbeatably cute seeing four little eyes on you when you're feeding and when they get a bit older they giggle at each other and already mine play together. All sorts of people come up to me in the street and tell me really great stories about their experiences of twins, it's really made me feel part of my inner city community.

My partner's quite embarrassed by how proud I am of our twins, although secretly he agrees with me that having one just isn't a patch on two. That said there are tough times, I find it especially hard when they are ill so if you have any backup support do make the most of it. Also I'm a first time Mum so you'll be much better prepared than I was! Good luck and hope your pregnancy goes well.

teaandcakeplease · 14/01/2010 13:50

My mum had 3 boys and found out she was pregnant with twins, me and my brother. Not a planned pregnancy I might add.

Well I'm now 31 years old. She was told back then to formula feed us and no one breast fed twins! She told them where to stick that advice and breast fed us both for 6 months and never used formula. Times have changed hey?

I love being a twin and Christmas is awesome, there are now 10 grand children/ nieces/ nephews sitting at the table PLUS husbands and wives, it's awesome! Loved growing up in a big family too! Shared a room with my brother for 10 years in bunk beds until the eldest brother went to Uni and we all got our own room

It'll be great, I know my post is from a different perspective but congratulations!!!

minimisa · 14/01/2010 13:58

Also should have said that I have exclusively breast fed them for 10 months and to be honest think it might be easier than faffing around with all those bottles. Certainly possible anyway.....

HeighHo · 14/01/2010 15:36

Thank you teaandcake and minimisa. Lovely to hear from you. Well done for breastfeeding your twins, Mini, that's enouraging news

And lovely to hear about your family, teaandcake. Didn't your mum do well I always wanted a big family, so from that point of view, we're thrilled. Chaos, noise and love

Thank you everyone, love hearing your experiences xx

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kathryn2804 · 15/01/2010 00:53

Exclusively breastfed mine for 13 mths (except solids of course!), and now peer support all our twins and triplets who want to try breastfeeding in our area. (yes, I know 2 sets of triplets that have been breastfed!) There's loads of people who manage it, lots more who mix feed, and not so many any more that exclusively formula feed.