Am I the only twin mum without a decent routine?

[accessorizequeen]

Because I'm starting to feel a bit rubbish about it all. They're nearly 8 months, and although they do some things at roughly the same times, I seem to be utterly crap at actually having a routine that works for both of them every day. I don't think I was any better with ds1 and ds2, but it wasn't such a problem then. Do I just have children that don't fit the mould or do I need to mould them? You really think I would know by now with 4! I'm getting by just because I nearly always have someone around for the school run who can do it for me or stay with them whilst I do it.

But I really would like to have something a bit more concrete and am too tired to see how to accomplish it. I don't seem to have any control over how long they nap for or even if they'll nap (dd decides half the time she won't have a morning nap). DD is bfing whilst DS3 has formula so they're completely different with their feeding patterns even though I try to feed them together where possible.

I always wake one up if the other has woken, I always give them lunch and dinner at the same time because I'm feeding the other kids too. I always start the bedtime routine at the same time because of the other kids. Anything outside of that is free for all. Today they had 2 naps each, one long in the morning, one short afternoon. Tuesday dd had 3, ds had 4! I never know if the nap will be 30 minutes or 2 hours like today. DS is reasonably predictable with his bottles, but dd is demand fed and of course demands it when I least expect it. They're both still waking at night, but not at the same time.

Help!

I actually started 'enforcing' naps at 9 months. It was more of a figurative 'It's nap time' than a literal as they were still young but I was very clear on signals - dark room, in growbags, music on, saying 'night, night babies' and closing the door. This was, at first, followed by indignant wailing with me sitting sobbing on the stairs. I was literally at the end of my tether. However it worked very quickly. I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr Marc Weissbluth and found it very useful. Your DD sounds like my DD2 - really doesn't want to sleep in case she misses something. She also has a real temper which is made worse when she hasn't had enough sleep!

I'm sure the lady you spoke to was just in that honeymoon period... I honestly found it so much easier at 3 months than later on!

Yes, me too, I thought the first 3 months were quite good really and then it hit me. I started getting depressed then, I think it was christmas. It's good to hear that those days are few in between for you now, twinmam, I'm not having them too much right now but I suspect they'll come back.

I am enforcing naps already (except for grobags which are for bedtime) but she doesn't seem to be getting the message. Perhaps I'm not being clear enough & rigid enough about it. I didn't have a problem with the older boys, so I'm not really used to this for naps! I used to just chuck ds2 in his cot, close the curtains and that was it for 2 hours (well, still is, actually, thank god!). Any ideas on how I go about lengthening naps? They'll do 2 hours in the morning but not after lunch. Not that I'm expecting both of course.

ewemoo, I too think that things will improve when they're moving about more. Big change when my 2 were rolling for england and even bigger now they're crawling. Some babies just want to be on the move, maybe? I don't know, but keep telling yourself I've survived 6 months I can survive another day. And keep coming on mumsnet and we'll tell you what a fab job you're doing and it will get easier

Thanks AQ & TM. Your kind words and promises of better things to come really do keep me going in these difficult days. I had a hellish hour last night between 5-6pm when the dts were screaming and my dd1 was also crying because I wouldn't let her have any more food. I could quite honestly have left the house and run down the road. Thank God they went down well as they were tired after all the screaming. Am looking forward to the weekend when dh can do the early morning feeds and I can have a lie-in!

AQ - I'm sorry you got depressed at Christmas. I found this winter really tough, such a long, dark one it seemed and constant illness for me and DCs. I guess having twins magnifies the one cold after another thing that is normal for a baby's first year. Or maybe mine are just sickly babies? Cue guilt for not bf'ing for long enough, deep down anxiety that there will be something wrong with one of the babies because they were prem... yada, yada, yada!

What has worked for me with naps is this (I have by no means a 100% success rate with DD2 but she complies most of the time. DD1 would sleep standing up I think!):

Let them wake up whenever they do (usually 7am tho more recently we've been having a few 6-6.30ams which does not impress me!) Give em breakfast, change nappies etc then have a bit of a play then put em back to bed about an hour after they first woke up. If I leave it too long they kind of go beyond it IYSIM. They usually sleep for about an hour but sometimes longer. I let them sleep for as long as they want but if they wake up before that hour is up I leave them to go back to sleep again - and, miracle of miracles, they usually do.

We then have lunch about 12-12.30 and back down for afternoon nap by 1pm. Again I have a kind of 1 hour minimum rule. I used to rush in as soon as DD2 whimpered (DD1 snoring away happily) even when she'd just been in there for 20 minutes. I think she is a very light sleeper and wakes up easily but she will go back to sleep again now I let her rather than grabbing her straight away. Luckily for me, DD1 is a heavy sleeper.

I think the rigidity and consistency has really helped.

Ewemoo - I have had that ready to run feeling you describe SO many times. I just cannot imagine dealing with a toddler as well. I think that would have had me fleeing down the road. I'm glad they all settled to sleep for you and that you have a lie in to look forward to.

We have had a few difficult days with DD1 having severe tonsillitis although, like I said, it has meant some one to one time with each baby which has been nice. Not so nice to see poor DD1 so poorly - the dr actually gasped when she looked at her tonsils She is getting better with antibiotics thankfully and we had one of those worth all the tough times moments this morning: DH was off work today so when we got them up this morning I picked up DD2 and carried her out of their bedroom (she was having her usual 'it's the morning' banshee wails) then DH followed suit with DD1. When DD2 saw DD1 she got really excited, stopped crying and started to laugh and make happy noises. When DD1 spotted her she leaned over and kissed DD2 on the forehead. I guess they've realised they've spent a bit of time apart recently and have missed one another. Kind of made my sentimental heart swell up