Does anyone else resent the fact they had twins?

[groovychick2]

I feel really awful admitting this but I sometimes wish I had only had one. I know how lucky I am. It took me 4 years to get pregnant and after a stressful pregnancy I have two beautiful intelligent handsome boys. Its just that sometimes when the going gets tough I think how much easier it would have been and how I had no choice in the matter. Does anyone else ever feel this way?

Can I come with you Totally agree with everthing you said! Just waiting for there to be more good days than bad.... Let's hope today is one of the good ones! x

I had a 23 month gap between toddler and twins, and I remember feeling very upset and angry with the situation. And terrible back problems which magically resolved with ultrasound. And I had someone helping me for 5 hours a day, but that only just about made up for sheer lack of sleep. They never seemed to sleep at same time, and people used to wag their finger at me saying can't you synchronize their nap, it would make your life sooo much easier. YES, it would. Do you think I haven't thought of that?

The only thing that kept me going was to pretend I had one baby. I used to borrow one of them sometimes and go to coffee with a friend and the toddler and enjoy the luxury of one baby to deal with. And I never ever went swimming until they were at least five (except on holiday). They can all swim now!

But all this passed, suddenly they slept in the afternoon at the same time and loved playing together. They still had different night sleeping patterns tho' and we just had to accept this was their character. Why should they like the same things just because they were twins. When they were 2 weeks old and screaming to be fed the only thing that kept me going was the thought, which one would I choose if I had a singleton? Of course I wanted both. Hope anyone suffering at the moment makes it through those dark angry,jealous days, and the sheer grinding physical labour.

Cheers swanriver - a really helpful post. You are one impressive lady, coping with a toddler and baby twins - makes me feel silly for moaning! Def have experienced some "dark, angry jealous days" and, oh yes, that "sheer grinding physical labour"! Thanks goodness lows seem to be followed by highs and it's great to keep reminding myself that in many ways this is the most difficult part - not under any illusions that my DDs will always offer me plenty of challenges but I know that when they are physically more independent my life will get easier and the logistics will be less problematic! Am also gonna find some time to go and get my back seen to! Thanks so much, everyone, for giving me some optimism and a sense of the bigger picture, as well as reminding me of how much I adore my DDs and would never, ever want to be without them, twins or otherwise.

I think also one of the keys to this is making/getting time to yourself/help.

I felt all the same things, resentment, anger, isolation (no family or friends nearby) depression etc during the first year and beyond. Looking back now i wish we had just bitten the bullet and paid for some help. If i did it again i would get an au pair and worry about paying for it later.

Can you get someone to help you. Can you join a gym that has a creche? Get a friend to take them once a week for 2 hours? Get your partner to watch them every Sat afternoon so you can go out and have some time to yourself. Or have you any family that would help out?

I ended up enroling mine in nursery when they were 2 for 2 afternoons a week. Its terrible to say it - but i looked forward to those few hours all week. It gave me some time off to be me, not mum. Essential.

oops that post was in response to Twinmam!

Cheers nku - I keep coming back to this thread and keep on getting advice and moral support which is v much appreciated. Funnily enough, have just signed my DDs up for nursery, starting in Feb, 2 mornings a week. I work from home 2 days a week but have been fitting it in around DH's work and when my mum can have the girls for the odd couple of hours here and there (always feel so guilty dumping both of them on her even tho she says she doesn't mind!) Nursery will give me some more space and time for me and have convinced myself it will also be good for DDs to mix with other children. I'm already looking forward to it! Poor you not having had family nearby. I was in same position when DDs were born and we moved 250 miles a month ago in order to be nearer to family. We're v lucky we had that option and it's been a big help - tho then felt even more of a failure when was finding it tough over last few weeks! Am feeling less failurey now, having had ego pumped up by fellow twin mums at how amazing and clever we are. We are, aren't we?!

Twinmam - Dont feel guilty about letting your mum look after them for a bit. After all they are her grandchildren and she prob enjoys it (wish my mum did).

We moved from London to Scotland just as i found out i was pg. When i found out it was twins couple of weeks later - we should have moved back.

Dont spend any time feeling like a failure - twins is very difficult. Only those who have done it know how bad it can get.

If you want a laugh you can always trawl mumsnet for silly peeps with one baby wittering on about how difficult it is to get out of the house/get them to sleep etc!!!

I was in shock when I became preg with twins. When I told people who enquired about my pregnancy that I was expecting twins and they would say they wished they had had twins, I would secretly want to punch them!!

I already had two children who when the twins were born were 4 3/4 and 3 3/4. I really wanted another baby, imagined No 3 as being a very easy addition to my first two (at sch) but felt serious panic at the thought of two arriving at the same time. I wondered how I could even love another two in addition to my two children. How could I give them all the attention they needed? Even in the hospital I felt bad if I picked up one and not the other.

Needless to say they are an absolute delight. They are 20mths now and I have two gorgeous little faces to beam at instead of just one.

I hope you feel better about having two. While the logistics seem easier with just one it does depend on the child as well.

I think it's getting a bit easier (fingers crossed, touching wood, etc etc)!!! My girls seem to be a tiny bit more independent of late and now they can sit up and play for a while without crying for me plus we're having some success with daytime naps which means I can do those selfish things like have a shower, brush my hair etc - you know, a bit of me time! Sometimes I even get to eat. We have lots of new things we're starting in Jan, various clubs etc and I'm also not allowing myself to feel guilty when I let my mum or other family members look after them for a while. (Thanks neverknowinglyunderdressed!) Thanks also to everyone for good, sound advice and making me feel less hopeless about it all. I do know we will continue to have our challenges, of course, but we'll get there and I do feel very, very lucky

OMG - I know what you mean. I had twin boys at the end of 1981 - un-diagnosed until 10 days before they were born at 38 weeks.

One of them was very, very poorly with congenital heart condition.

I resented them so much and felt like a crap mum at the same time. It was so hard with the poorly twin....had to feed them every 2 hours etc etc.

Not even time for me to have a poo!!!! My mum says that when they were about 7 weeks old we pushed the twin pram to our nearest town to do shopping. When we got there everybody kept stopping to have a look at them. In the end I dragged my mum and the twins into the underground car park and sobbed for half an hour. If someone had come along and offered to adopt them I would have gladly taken them up on their offer.

.....and we had been trying for a baby for over four years!!!!!

OMG - can't imagine only finding out it was twins 10 weeks before you had them - nightmare!! Amazing that you didn't drop dead of shock there and then. It sounds like you had an awful time, you poor thing. I hope things got better as your boys got older

I thought I was the only one that felt this way, I have mixed emotions w/my twin girls all the time. I never wanted twins. I was hoping for one and that would be it for me and I was going to be okay and happy unfortunately that was not the case. Do not get me wrong I love my kids but I did not ask for twins. It is hard to admit this but I am still feeling some type of way about my twins and if their is any advice out there it would be great! 😪

Exactly the same here. I love all 3 of my girls (4 year old and 17 month old twins) but sometimes I wish I didn't have twins. So many things are so much more difficult with twins and until you have twins you will never realise. People say to me all the time "I always wanted twins". My reply is "you wouldn't after a few days of having these 2". The other day my 4 year old heard me talking to dh about a nct baby sale I was going to take some stuff to. She said "which baby are we selling, I think we should sell Abi as she is more trouble!" 😂So think she also resents 2 of them sometimes too!

I had DT in 2006 after loosing a baby at 23 weeks and then trying for 6 years. Initially it was very hard and required a huge amount of planning to go anywhere. It didn’t help that the heath visitor told me that there was a good chance I would get postnatal depression! This comment made me more determined to prove people wrong. I was fortunate that for the first few weeks my DM would come and help. Unfortunately she would leave about 3.30and the babies would then scream for the next 2 hours!
I resented friends who could pop out for a coffee and not have to think about which cafe could hold a double buggy or could go to the supermarket with a baby in a sling or a car seat. My supermarket didn’t have a trolley which could hold a two car seats. I didn’t go to the music group as you had to make sure your baby didn’t crawl off. The first year would have been very lonely if it hadn’t been for my friend who had DT 5 weeks after me. Having someone who understood made life much easier.
I am now at the other end with both my DT leaving school next year and it brings it home that having twins can make the whole journey much shorter.
The first few years are very hard but I wouldn’t change it.