Identical Twins.

[lucy76]

Hi! I am a new mum of 8 month old identical twin girls (born 3 months early due to TTTS). I am very interested about the complex relationship and bond identical twins have and the pro's and cons of dressing alike and how to encouraging individuality and similarities appropriately. I would love to hear from anyone (identical twins, parents/ friends/ partners/ children of twins etc) who have any experiences and guidance to share!

Interesting reading all your comments.

I have ID girls, 16 months. Mine couldn't be more different in personality - DT1 is completely OTT (constant chatter, noise and huge diva strops) and DT2 is very chilled and not phased by much. It's difficult not to compare when you have two children the same age but I try to avoid any sort of labels (in earshot of them) - I can see how easily you could end up with "the good one" and "the noisy one" which becomes self perpetuating.

I think it's very important foster their own little personalities - I would never consider dressing them the same, I find this a bit weird! Not sure how I will handle things when they can dress themselves, I am sure they will want to be dressed the same. Have found two of most toys is easier, one ALWAYS wants what the other has.

My MIL constantly refers to them as "the twins" which is frustrating, like they are some novelty sideshow monkey act. I can't wait until they can talk as I'm going to train them to tell her off

Best comments include "that one is prettier", "which one do you like best?", "can you tell them apart?". Also get "that one is bigger" (about 20 times a day) in case I hadn't noticed!

I have 4.5 year old id boys.

As far as clothes go - they share the clothes we have - although they do each have their favourites which they tend to prefer - and since one is slightly bigger some fit one and not the other. Maybe When they get older (and have separate rooms) they will have their own clothes - but at the moment it doesn't seem to bother them, we don't have the space to have two sets of wardrobes etc, and I don't have mental energy to spare to separate out which belongs to who at the moment .

My two are best friends - play together most of the time and argue about things sometimes - but are not reliant each other - they are quite happy to be separated and go off and do things on their own or play with different groups at playgroup/school.

We don't as yet have very obvious differences in personality - no dominant or confident one. We do have a little bit of the smaller one (only about and inch smaller, 1/2 a shoes size, couple of Kg) taking on the role of the baby a bit - he is more inclined to say he can't do things - and they both make the excuse that he is smaller so can't or I am bigger so can do whatever. I try hard to counteract that attitude.

They are very different to me - but lots of people can't tell which is which - and lots can tell the difference but are not always sure know which one they are talking to.

Most things are shared (also with their older brother who is only 18 months older) - but they do have a few favourite things that everyone knows belongs to one.

Another thought - the funny thing is some people try and tell me how different they are - and I am always a bit stumped - they are different but it is really subtle and not easy to pinpoint.

They says things like T was very quiet today - normally he is the confident one - and I think - shows how much you know - neither one is the "confident" one !

Also reading their reports from playgroup was amusing - some comments I am convinced they had got the wrong child - and certainly they did with photos (they admitted they really struggled to tell photos apart) - but usually they got round it by putting a photo of both of them

Oddly my dts look more identical in real life, but take a photo of them and they look completely different, maybe the camera does lie

My girls spent 3 months in NICU, and have a scar on their heads from the CPAP which is an easy way to tell them appart!

Twinboys- I am and infant teacher (teaching from 4 year olds) and I really wouldn't worry yet about your boys not saying recognisable words. Children need to learn to talk to communicate, and twins don't have that need to communicate so soon, as they can communicate with eachother. I have just typed in 'identical twins language development' into google and clicked on the first thing I got. members.tripod.com/Caroline_Bowen/mbc.htm Which was quite intersting. They sound as if they are communicating well (in their own way) And I think it is quite normal. (Not that I have any experience of 19 month olds!) You could always go to your GP to put your mind at rest. Don't know why I think I'm an authority on it but my gut feeling is not to worry!

Hi Lucy,
I don't have twins but my DS's best friend is an identical twin. She and her sister are in Grade 2 (Aus) in different classes and have, according to their parents, always been very different. They were dressed differently as babies and toddlers and now choose to be different as 8 year olds. One has a short bobbed hair cut and the other has long hair, for example. They have very different interests - one (DS's friend) is a complete tomboy, plays football, rides her bike, likes to play on the playstation and the other one is into ballet, dancing, gymnastics (more 'girly' things). Also C (DS's friend) has no friends who are girls and M has only 'girl'friends ...
Having said that, when they are together at home without friends around they are v. v. close. I often see them sitting together so closely watching tv it almost looks like they are one.
They are sweet girls whose parents have nurtured their differences and who understood the 'twin' thing (their dad is a triplet) ...

Also, fwiw ... I have taught several sets of twins (of every flavour - b/g, non id/same sex AND id twins) in my time as a teacher and every single set, bar none, hated being referred to as 'The Twins' ...

My dp is an identical twin.

Regards language he says that he and his brother communicated in their own special language for quite some time probably until they were about 5.

I don't know if they were dressed the same as children but even now at 42 it is often noticeable that they are dressed in similar clothes when they meet even though they live some way apart. They also picked exactly the same style of glasses about a week apart without knowing the other was going. They do have completely different hairstyles though.

When they sit together they are always touching each other - a hand on a arm or something.

They are not referred to as the twins but they are often are called by each others names and will still answer without any hesitation. They also have the same mannerisms (sp)

Although they have gone in slightly different directions in their lives, there is a bond there that I don't think is shared by their other siblings

Twinsboys, my girls have been quite late to talk and it was even more noticeable for us as our eldest girl's speech developed very early and is very advanced for her age. I'm not sure that they had their own particular language, although they did manage to communicate with each other, but it is only really in the last 3 months or so that their speech has really started to come on (they are now 2.5). I would echo what Lucy said, it's nothing to worry about...twins are often later speakers than single children. We now have a hard time getting a word in .

I've never consciously strived to make my boys the same, nor make them individuals, as they'll do it themselves, having very different personalities. Sometimes they've worn identical outfits, the majority of the time they don't. They share clothes, with a few obvious favourites by each and they're not bothered by this. They're in the same class in school, along with their triplet sister, and I'm not going to worry about them being separated until they go to secondary school. They're a little reliant on each other, but will happily go off without the other. They are extremely close but will fight and argue with the best. Mine are 8 years old.

I am finding this a really interesting thread. Would be great to get some suggestions from adult identical twins about their experience of growing up.

My ID girls are 19mths, I like to see them dressed the same - but find it difficult to tell who is who!! So charlotte always has something paler on... it is easier now they are wearing shoes charlottes are white and pink jessicas are purple and pink!

Does anyone else struggle to tell there children apart?

Forgot to add nine times out of ten they choose something different to wear... this week we're going through party dresses!

Hey, i've got identical twin boys and they have always been dressed the same. I have now found tho that even thio they can choose their own clothes that they prefer to dress the same and will create an unholy stink if they cannot find matching clothes

I have 5 year old b/g twins and a daughter 15 months older and 2 younger children, all of them look scarily alike. DD1 and dd2 (twin girl) share clothes with each other and their brother. (his decision) I often come upstairs and find him in dresses and skirts. I think (hope) its just the novelty factor of it, he plays mini rugby, swims, loves his karate etc...
Conincidentally my df was an identical TRIPLET!!! they were the youngest 3 of 7!!! Him and his brothers are so similar, same mannerisms, intonation in their voice, everything, whenever we have family get togethers they're there in such similar/identical outfits it spooky. They all have the same haircut, job, car, very similar looking wives etc.
What i have always found wierd is that my cousins are genetically my half siblings...
sorry I'm rambling now lol

Hi there, I have 7 year old identical boys, and I am an identical twin too.

Mine occasionally dress alike but choose their own clothes, they are best friends and share the same interests though their personalities are slightly different (1 leader, 1 follower, 1 gentle, 1 boisterous).

As an adult identical twin myself, I NEVER refer to them as 'the boys' or 'the twins' as it really hacked me off being called 'the girls' as we grew up. My sister and I are alike but share similar interests and extremely close, best friends. We still end up wearing very similar clothing even now but this isn't a problem its just funny when we turn up somewhere wearing virtually the same thing!

I give my boys space to discover their own likes and dislikes and I try to give them some of me apart from the other one.

I suppose my boys don't think there is anything at all odd about being the same as someone else, its a special thing, you always have your best friend with you! I never worried about the clothes thing until they were a little older, say 5. Chances are they would like to wear what the other does as they look cool.

We often share each others moods and find it unexplainable when suddenly sad until we phone and find out what the other is doing and have an explanation. She is the other half of me and I don't find it odd at all that we follow the same paths in certain aspects of our lives.

Our mother can't tell us apart on the phone so she simply says "Hello Darling" until she gets some more clues lol.

Sorry to ramble on and congratulations to all you twin parents.