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Multicultural families

Here's where to share your experience of raising a child or growing up in a multicultural family.

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Original poster

This annoys me - I have said it before & I will say it again (small rant - sorry)

43 replies

KatyMac · 12/04/2008 21:27

When collecting DD from sailing today someone said "which is yours?.....Oh the little Black girl"

Well she isn't

She is mixed race - that means part black (or something else)and part something else (in this case white)

By saying black you ignore the fact I had something to do with creating her - I was there I did give birth to her & provide half her genes

Rant over

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

harpomarx · 13/04/2008 21:41

I don't mind my mixed race dd being referred to as 'black'. Her dad (black) often does it and I just see it as his was of reminding her of her roots and connections. I don't see it as cutting me out at all but as his positive contribution to making her feel good about her colour. I have also met mixed race people who prefer to call themselves black.

of course, I realise this probably wasn't why the woman you refer to used the term.

chickenmama · 15/04/2008 19:26

I totally understand how you must feel Katy.

I have a friend (under 25, so age can't be an excuse here!) who calls anyone who's not white 'coloured' and that really annoys me.

I get quite a lot of comments about my dd (dark eyes, lovely colour etc ) but very few direct questions on her heritage. I much prefer it when people ask outright rather than hint that she looks different to me. I've posted a pic on my profile and I'd be really interested to hear what people think her mixed heritage is.

ib · 15/04/2008 19:44

The weird thing is that so many mixed race people describe themselves as 'black'. Some of my friends are so pale you wouldn't say they are mixed race at all yet they often say they are black.

Similarly bil (mixed race) often says his dc (with a white mother) are black.

harpomarx · 15/04/2008 21:47

if anyone can be bothered to read through it, this is a really interesting article by Linda Bellos on why some 'mixed race' people prefer to call themselves black (or in her case 'of African heritage'). There are a lot of interesting points in there, in particular in relation to why we feel it necessary to refer to someone who has one black (or Asian) parent and one white parent as 'mixed race' or 'mixed cultural heritage' to use the latest term, but not someone who has - say - French/English/Danish origins.

ib · 15/04/2008 22:09

Funny, harpomax. Dh and I both consider ourselves mixed race (ancestors of 4+ different nationalities each) but to most people we are just white.

chickenmama · 15/04/2008 22:17

Interesting article and although I don't agree with some of what she said, I do understand where she's coming from. The comments afterwards put across some very good points too.

I didn't realise that mixed race/heritage referred to just white/black (or white and non-white). I would use it to describe any mix (black/chinese, south american/european etc etc). I guess the reason it's used less for a cultural mix of the same skin tone is because there's less chance of that person not fitting into a typical 'racial group' and therefore it's less of an issue. It's just a shame skin colour has to matter so much.

harpomarx · 15/04/2008 23:11

ib, it seems very bound up with skin colour.

a friend (white) has two children by a African/English father. One is olive-skinned, dark hair, one blonde, pale skin. She said she regards her children as 'white'.

by all definitions they are 'mixed-race' but people apply this term much more easily to the child who is darker.

interesting.

ib · 16/04/2008 11:45

It's true, dh and I are both pale relative to our families (latino/arab) so I guess we just 'look' white.

bruces · 19/04/2008 14:57

We have three children and since they were tiny we've told them they're bi-cultural, our youngest who is 2 knows mummy is black,dad is white and her and her siblings are brown.
We have toys,books and lots positive family and friends as role models.

Kimi · 19/04/2008 15:34

Why say "the black girl" I don't think using someones colour to describe them is nice at all.
I have a Jamaican friend but I call him Fred not black Fred, or say my black friend.

I remember DS1 going on about a child to playschool we shall call him John, I had not met this little chap and one morning Ds1 points him out saying there is John the one in the red jumper, John turned out to be the only non white child in the class, but DS1 saw the red jumper not the black face.

MNersanonymous · 26/04/2008 15:05

OP I would have found that comment really annoying too. It's a bit like Barack Obama being referred to as black - ignores his 'white half' which implies somehow the white bit didn't matter.

I'd be really annoyed if someone did the equivalent with my ds and called him Indian, mind you he looks really 'white' so that's unlikely but if they did I'd give them a piece of my mind and explain both sides of his background!

Chickenmama - I'm going to guess your dd is half -Indian, half 'white British' like my ds as she looks quite similar in terms of colouring.

LyraSilvertongue · 26/04/2008 15:24

My children are mixed race and the Barak Obama thing annoys me too. He's always referred to as 'the black candidate' like his white mother didn't exist. No-one would refer to him as white. Black is equally incorrect.

MNersanonymous · 26/04/2008 15:33

If it were the other way round and someone was implying that someone's black roots didn't matter there'd be more complaints by far!

TheSlightestTeuch · 26/04/2008 15:59

I'm a bit that someone would distinguish your child by skin colour alone anyway...

Couldn't they have said "oh, the girl with the denim skirt/pigtails/red top/whatever"?

chickenmama · 26/04/2008 23:07

MNersanonymous - she's half 'black Caribbean' and half white British. I'm as pale as can be with reddish hair, her father would be described as black but is really a bit of a mix himself - his mum is dark skinned, curly afro hair, his dad is more 'Indian' looking and from the little I know has quite a mixed background.

I also agree about Barak Obama - did anyone hear comments from some Americans the other day saying they wouldn't vote for him because he was black? Shocking.

mumnanny1 · 27/04/2008 17:22

I haven't so far had any comments about ds being 'black'. It would wind me up too though. His father is black African and I'm white British. Ds 2.9 yrs and interestingly sees himself as orange, me as orange and daddy as brown. Suppose he's not far off really!

Hellsbells82 · 03/05/2008 12:50

For the mixed-race comments, my OH (Black Jamaican) refuses to let our daughter be called "mixed" as he feels it would make her feel like she doesn't belong to any one race, he insists on us using "dual-heritage" which is the current "PC" term.

My OH is Jamaican but quite light, so though he calls himself black here, when he lived in Jamaican he was called brown - even though both parents are full black, because all his family are quite light.

TBH I'm just going to try to push to my daughter that she's lucky to have two different cultures/families on different sides of the world rather than focus on her skin colour, the world is so multicultural now that I don't thik there's that many clear boundaries anyway, there's so many people of different cultures, my brother's partner is Chinese, all my LO's cousins on her Dad's side are Black/Jamaican-Indian, her half-sister is black/british-Asian...

pinata · 03/05/2008 20:55

dual heritage to me means only 2 heritages mixed together, but lots of mixed race people have more than that - DD for instance has at least 4. mixed is therefore a shorthand way of saying this, without the need to go into great detail

OP - i would be annoyed if anyone referred to her as black, but also if they referred to her as white.

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